


One Lifetime Is Not Enough

by ashtraythief



Series: Lifetime 'verse [1]
Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Beta!Jensen, Claiming, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Character Death, References to Homophobia, Underage Drinking, Violence, Werecats, Wet Dream, alpha!Jared, sex between two minors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2017-12-20 10:20:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 56,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is once again the new nerdy kid at school, but this time it’s so much harder because he’s crushing hard on the school’s most popular jock. Except there is something different about Jared. When Jensen starts changing himself, his whole world is suddenly upside down and an ancient secret threatens to destroy his happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/64480.html?thread=20305376#t20305376) by the amazing [](http://alezig.livejournal.com/profile)[**alezig**](http://alezig.livejournal.com/) on the [](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/)**spnkink_meme**. Loosely based on the premise of Zoe Daniels’ _The Year of the Cat_ series, but the plot takes a drastically different direction.
> 
> Also very inaccurate depictions of Texas and Texans in general, no harm is intended.
> 
> The amazing [](http://flawlessglitch.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://flawlessglitch.livejournal.com/)**flawlessglitch** completely whipped this puppy into shape, so the first chapter is a little bit different from what is up at the meme. All mistakes you find are my own

 

 

**Prologue**

 

The night was almost pitch black by the time they made it up to Traveler’s Point.

It was the time of the new moon and the clouds muted the dim light of the stars. Tim McGraw was softly coming out of the speakers and the cool fall air was filled with the heavy scents of the forest wafting in through the half open window.

Chris cut off the engine. He turned to the passenger seat and smiled at Lindsay. She was a sweet sophomore, long brown hair and big doe-eyes, but she had some spunk. Just how he liked them.

“So, the view from up here is really amazing,” Chris told her.

Lindsay just raised her eyebrows. “Except that it’s completely dark, so there isn’t all that much to see.”

“Well, darn,” Chris drawled. There hadn’t been a time his soft accent hadn’t worked. He might be a true Texan, but he had grown up in Georgia and the deep southern accent he could use at will got them every time.

“I guess we’ll have to find something else then to pass the time.” He leaned over and kissed her and yeah, it was just as nice as he’d thought it would be.

Except when she pulled back and looked at him with wide eyes. “Did you hear that?” she asked and her voice was quivering slightly.

“Hear what? It’s the woods, darling, there are all kinds of sounds out there.”

“I know,” she snapped. “But I also know what I heard and that was not just leaves rustling, there’s something out-” she broke off and her face drained of all color.

Chris could hear it as well now, the sounds of branches breaking and a large body moving through the woods at high speed. He strained his ears to listen harder. It was coming closer.

He squinted out into the darkness and saw something run through the sparsely growing trees to his left.

“It’s just a deer, darling,” he said just when a second shape moved through the trees. And this one definitely did not look like a deer.

There was a thumping sound, like a large body falling to the ground and then a choked off noise, clearly from the deer.

“What- what was that?” Lindsay asked.

“Maybe a mountain lion,” Chris told her even though that was highly unlikely. There hadn’t been a sighting in years.

Chris slowly opened the door and got out of the truck. His dad was the sheriff and he would like to know if a mountain lion was roaming their forests.

“Chris, stop!” Lindsay whisper-shouted at him. “Have you never seen a horror movie? We are the people who die in the opening sequence!”

“Relax, sweetheart. A true Texan always comes prepared!”

Chris got a hunting rifle and a flashlight out of the back of the truck and slowly started to walk in the direction where he had last heard the noise. He didn’t want to shoot whatever animal was out there but he kept the rifle half raised anyway.

He heard the car door open and close behind him and then Lindsay hurried to catch up with him.

“This is so stupid, do you want to get us killed?” she hissed.

“Then why aren’t you staying in the truck?” Chris was getting annoyed now.

“Because it was creepy,” Lindsay mumbled.

Chris just snorted and continued to carefully step between the trees, mindful of anything lying on the forest ground. He still almost stumbled over the deer carcass.

He stopped Lindsay with a hand across her chest and scanned the surrounding trees quickly with the flashlight, but he couldn’t find whatever it was that had killed the deer.

“Oh my god,” Lindsay breathed out. “What kind of animal does that?”

Chris just wanted to tell her that that was what nature was like when he took a closer look at the deer.

Holy shit.

Something had torn it apart. When wild cats hunted they usually went for the neck, but this deer was almost completely shredded. Sure, its throat was ripped open, but so was the complete length of its belly. There were long scratches all over its back and one of its hind legs was almost severed from the body.

Chris had never seen anything like it.

“Chris.”

He bent down to take a closer look, trying to identify the tooth marks.

“Chri-his!”

That was impossible, they were way too big for a mountain lion-

“ _Chris_!”

He looked up at Lindsay and scowled. “What?”

She mutely raised a shaking hand and pointed off to their left.

Chris pointed his flashlight in the direction and caught a glimpse of yellow eyes glowing in the darkness before a huge shadow moved behind the trees, making almost no sound except for a soft rustling and then it was quiet again.

“What the fuck was that?” Lindsay asked, panic sounding clear in her voice.

Chris didn’t want to admit it, but he was getting a real uneasy feeling himself. That had not been a mountain lion.

He took a look over the ground surrounding the deer and when the flashlight landed on abnormally large feline paw prints, he swallowed. Definitely not a mountain lion.

“Alright. I say we get out of here, get my dad and someone from Wildlife and report this. They can deal with this.”

Lindsay nodded, her eyes wide in the darkness. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

They made their way back to the truck as fast as they could and Chris only realized back in the safety of the driver’s cabin how fast his heart was beating.

Raindrops started to fall when he drove them out of the forest and he couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.

Through the whole ride Lindsay sat stiffly next to him, the only sounds were the windshield wipers relentlessly pushing the water away and when he dropped her off at her house, she left the car so fast, she almost stumbled on the pavement. He watched her retreating figure run through the heavy rainfall to her house until she was safely behind its closed door.

Chris sighed. That was so not gonna happen now.

 

When Chris, his father, one of his deputies and Ray, the wildlife guy, made it up to Traveler’s Point early the next morning, the rain had died down to a drizzle and there was no trace of the deer. The rain would have washed away all prints, but a deer just didn’t vanish into thin air. Especially considering that during the summer quite a few more dead deer more than usual had been found.

They searched for over an hour, but the most they found was a tuft of brown hair protected by an overhanging branch. It clearly belonged to a deer and it was drenched in blood. They didn’t find anything else though and Ray said they would keep an eye out for illegal hunters.

Chris didn’t comment, but he knew what he had seen. And whatever had torn apart that deer, it sure as hell hadn’t been human.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Chapter one**

 

When Jensen got home from another crappy day at school spent in solitude and away from the mocking shouts from the jocks, and found his mom frantically packing their belongings in boxes, hair coming loose from her messy bun and red splotches on her cheeks, he wasn’t surprised.

His mom moved them every time she lost a job or broke up with a guy - and yeah, most of the time those were closely connected - so Jensen never made friends, it wasn’t worth the time.

They’d been in El Paso for five months already, it was almost a record for them.

His mom’s hair was completely frazzled and the red splotches were covering not only her cheeks, but her whole face. Definitely at least an eight on the break-up scale, so Jensen just headed up to his room to pack.

He was glad he had left his winter clothes in the boxes.

When he came down three hours later to hunt down some dinner, his mom was sitting on their old, flower-patterned couch, staring unseeingly into their living-room.

Jensen made two sandwiches and brought her the one with the last slices of turkey on it. She took it and started eating mechanically.

“I really thought he would be different, you know. I thought he was the one.”

Jensen patted his mom’s back in comfort and she leaned over to sob into his shoulder. Jensen couldn’t help but once again wonder when he’d turned into the adult in their family.

 

 

One of his mom’s colleagues had a cousin whose wife ran a beauty-parlor in a small town in eastern Texas and his mom could get a job there.

They started the twelve hour drive that same evening, but because they didn’t have the money to stop at a hotel, they took turns driving. That actually meant that Jensen ended up driving for the first six hours before his mom drove for about three hours and woke him up again because she just couldn’t drive in the night.

Jensen rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, adjusted his glasses and drank the rest of the lukewarm coffee from the thermos.

It was five am when they finally got there, but Sam's Diner was already bustling with activity and it was Sam herself, a tough, no-nonsense woman and the sister-in-law of his mom’s new boss Cathy, who showed them to the apartment above the diner, where they would live until the next break-up.

It had two bedrooms, a small bathroom and a kitchen that was big enough for a table and their ratty old couch. It wasn’t that the couch was pretty, as a matter of fact it was probably the ugliest piece of furniture Jensen had ever seen – a brownish-orange color with faded red and pink flowers printed on it – but it was the oldest piece of furniture they owned and almost all of his good memories somehow involved that couch.

Sam's husband helped them get the couch up into their new apartment and Jensen really didn’t like the way his mom was eying the tall, dark-haired man. There had been at least two moves that he knew of because his mom had gotten involved with a married man. And flirting with the boss’s married brother and husband of their landlord?

Jensen really needed to have a talk with his mom again.

When he went down to the car to get the last box – his mom had already passed out on the couch and Jensen wondered where he would sleep until they were able to get new beds – Sam stopped him before he was even half-way through the diner.

“And where do you think you’re going, young man?”

Jensen looked at her quizzically. “Upstairs. I’m gonna start unpacking and see what stuff we need to buy.”

“You also need to eat,” Sam told him and ushered him into a booth.

She rigorously ignored all his protests and five minutes later there was a steaming plate filled with scrambled eggs, bacon and pancakes in front of him.

“Eat,” she ordered. “A growing boy like you needs his fuel.”

Her voice left no room for an argument, so Jensen thanked her and dug in. The food was delicious and he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten this much. Internally he snorted at the comment about growing, because Jensen might be a lot of things, but he sure as hell wasn’t growing.

He was sixteen, almost seventeen now, and he had maybe grown an inch over the last year. Everybody always told him his growth spurt was still to come, but when all the kids in his class towered over him, he wasn’t all that hopeful.

But hey, it could be worse. Sure, he was 5` 4” and skinny, had ridiculous freckles and wore glasses, but at least he was smart. The moving around wasn’t really helpful with his grades, but he still managed to be a straight A student and his unconventional background might actually help him with getting into a good college and getting a scholarship. Jensen knew there was no way in hell he was going to college without a full ride, so he had to make this year count. It was already November, but not too late to engage in some extracurricular activities.

He didn’t really like interacting with people outside of class that much, but the kids in the nerdy clubs at least didn’t mock him like the cool kids did and college administrators loved to see the additional activities on an application.

Jensen and his mom had an appointment with the principal later that day to officially enroll him. The school wasn’t exceptional, but it had a good reputation, mostly for its basketball program, but they had several science clubs and a school paper. Jensen would find something to do.

 

The next day was Saturday and Jensen and his mom spent the weekend buying old furniture at the Salvation Army shop and an antique store that also sold newer stuff and Jensen finally got a bed. It was only a single and creaked with every move, but it was the only one he could afford. His mom didn’t have any reserves left and Jensen had to dig into the money from his summer jobs to furnish his room.

That’s why after he was done he owned a bed and a wardrobe and nothing else. A pile of books next to his bed substituted for a bedside table and the rest of his books were neatly stacked at one wall. He didn’t need a desk, he could do his homework at the kitchen table or on the floor – his room had a relatively thick carpet, yay! - and he didn’t have enough clothes for there to be a space problem in the closet. His winter clothes were once again left unpacked, it didn’t get that cold in Texas in the winter, but he didn’t throw them away because he never knew when a fancy would strike his mom and they would once again move to New England.

After paying for the first round of groceries everything except his emergency stash was gone.

Jensen sighed. Time to go job hunting.

He didn’t need to go far, Sam and her husband needed help in the diner and Jensen could start on Monday.

So Jensen met Sam's husband Jeff again, this time as his new boss. He went with Jensen over the schedule for the next week, gave him the general go round and then dismissed him with a friendly clap on the back.

Jensen was relieved to see that Sam's and Jeff’s relationship seemed rock solid. There was a lot of bantering and bickering, but it was the good-natured kind, the kind that came from years of loving cohabitation. Even if his mom would hit on Jeff, the chances were very slim he would actually take her up on it.

Come Sunday evening Jensen was alone at home. His mom had already met a guy who was going to take her out for drinks – just getting to know our new neighbors, don’t worry, it’s way too early after Daniel, I promise, I’ll be careful this time – and Jensen was left to his own devices. He spent the evening unpacking the rest of their meager belongings, cooking himself some pasta and reading two books from the reading list for his English class that the secretary of the school had been kind enough to fax to Sam's machine.

 

 

On Monday morning Jensen got his bike out of the shed and pedaled to school. His mom didn’t need the truck because she just had to go one block to get to work, but Jensen didn’t really have the money for gas.

He knew it would put him immediately on the poor kid list, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like they would stay here long and even if he would make friends, which was highly unlikely, nobody stayed in touch with the kid that was in their class for just a few months.

When he crossed the parking lot bright and early at ten to eight, his eyes were drawn to a group of students horsing around in front of a giant black truck. Most of them were wearing jackets from the school’s sports team and they were laughing and talking loudly and generally acting like they owned the world. Which they did, if one thought of the school campus as the world.

The focus of the group shifted when they all started to listen to one of them talking. He had long hair coming down to his shoulders and Jensen could her a strong Texas drawl carry over the parking lot.

All the guys were listening closely, except for the tallest among them. He was leaning nonchalantly against the flatbed of the truck and the sun was glinting on his chocolate brown hair. It wasn’t as long as the one who was telling the story, but it fell over the tips of his ears and the bangs were falling into his face, partly obscuring it, but Jensen could still make out the his wide mouth, the sharp jaw line and slightly pointed chin.

He looked like the perfect member of a boyband, except maybe for the air with which he carried himself, the way his broad shoulders were thrown back casually, how his long legs were so lazily crossed at his ankles and the slightly bored tilt of his head. If he was in a boyband, he would definitely be the bad boy.

Jensen tore his eyes away from the stranger and drove his bike to the side of the building with a few bent bike racks. After locking it down he couldn’t help but look at the other student again and he was surprised that he was looking back.

For a moment their eyes met. The guy’s eyes were slightly slanted – cat eyes, Jensen thought – and of a warm hazel color.

Then somebody walked between their line of vision and Jensen hurried to walk away. There was heat curling in his belly and sweat gathering in the palms of his hands and it wasn’t a feeling he welcomed. It wasn’t so much that this was a guy who made him get light-headed. Jensen was a smart kid, he had figured out a while ago that he liked broad shoulders and light stubble, rather than breasts and long hair, although if the hair was chocolate brown and hanging just over the ears – Jensen shook his head. There was no point in lusting over the popular jock. As a matter of fact it was incredibly stupid, because with the easiness he blushed it might be a hard thing to hide.

 

 

Jensen’s school day progressed much like he had anticipated; people shot him weird looks and there was the occasional snicker when they figured out the short new kid was a junior and not a sophomore or even a freshman, but he was mostly left alone. His classes were ok, nothing he couldn’t handle and so far only one teacher had made him introduce himself. That was always the worst part about being the new kid.

It all went to shit in his last class before lunch.

Jensen had stayed behind after his history class to discuss with the teacher how he would catch up on the project the rest of the class had been working on for the past two weeks, so he had to run to make it to his English class.

The room was right around a corner and when Jensen rounded it, he barreled straight into a hard chest. Large hands gripped him by the shoulders to steady him and miraculously Jensen didn’t land flat on his ass.

“Whoa, easy. Where’s the fire?”

Jensen looked up into slanted hazel eyes, smiling lips and dimples and _of course_ the guy had a voice way too deep and sexy for a high-school kid.

Jensen swallowed the lump in his throat. “Sorry, just don’t wanna be late. If you don’t mind...” He pushed past boyband guy and headed into the classroom.

Jensen exchanged a few introductory sentences with Miss Gamble, his new English teacher, while he was balling his fists in his pant pockets to keep them from shaking.

This was stupid, so damn stupid. He was skidding towards the biggest heartbreak ever, because apparently boyband guy way also _nice_. And there was no way in hell a guy like that was gay in a Texan high-school. And even if he were, Jensen was hardly acceptable dating material.

Jeez, why was he even thinking about that, he had seen the guy a total of two times and exchanged two sentences with him. He had just smelled so damn good, a dark masculine scent like really expensive aftershave, except it hadn’t smelled artificial at all.

Miss Gamble pointed him towards a free seat in the front. Jensen hated sitting in the front row, he always felt so exposed, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Mr. Padalecki, do you mind coming in and closing the door behind you?” Miss Gamble’s voice was overly friendly with a decidedly biting edge to it and when Jensen’s head turned towards the door along with the rest of the class, he could see boyband guy – Mr. Padalecki – standing outside, still as a statue, the only things moving were his flaring nostrils.

He shot Jensen a calculated look before he stepped inside, closed the door behind him and took a seat in the back of the room.

If Jensen could feel eyes burning into his back the whole time – well, that was just wishful thinking.

 

Later that day when he was lying exhausted in his bed after catching up on all the homework, he tossed and turned for ages and when he fell asleep, he was haunted by glowing yellow eyes and a bone-deep longing for something that was almost in his grasp, but still so far away.

 

 

Tuesday afternoon after class Jensen went to the meeting of the photography club. He hadn’t had any further run-ins with anybody and apart from giving him this measuring look again, boyband guy had ignored him.

At the meeting Jensen met Anna, a girl obsessed with school gossip. She was way too nerdy to run with the cool crowd, but nice enough not to get bullied.

Jensen learned that Mr. Padalecki was Jared, star quarterback of the football team and generally the undisputed king of Springfield High (go Hunters!).

The long-haired guy and owner of the black truck was Chris Kane and although he didn’t play on any sports team he was still at the heart of the cool gang because he played the guitar like a devil and had a band with a bunch of older guys.

He was the one the girls were flocking to, partly because of the whole rocker image, but mostly because for whatever reason Jared flirted, but didn’t do girlfriends, not even for one night.

The third member of this ruling triumvirate was a blond guy named Chad Murray – way too baby-faced for Jensen’s taste – who was considered the biggest sleazeball to ever roam eastern Texas. He still got laid regularly though, rumors had it that he was the one who banged Miss Redfern, the middle-aged but still hot school nurse.

The rest of their entourage consisted of various members of the football and the basketball team. Apparently the basketball team owed their success solely to Jared Padalecki's 6’ 1” which was why the school’s golden boy’s partying ways were gracefully overlooked.

Great. More clichés were really not possible. And Jensen, the new awkward geek, crushing on the school’s top dog? It was the biggest cliché of them all.

That night, he dreamed of Jared chasing him through the forest, eyes glowing yellow in the darkness. There was nothing erotic about that dream, it was actually rather frightening, but Jensen still woke up with sticky boxer shorts.

 

The next day everything was normal and quiet.

School. Jared looking at him and then walking past. Work. An evening with Jensen doing homework and then reading a book while his mom was out drinking, not with the guy from the first night though.

He rigorously ignored that he dreamed about Jared staring at him hungrily, tracking him down by his scent and taking him roughly after chasing him through the forest. He also ignored that that apparently turned his crank now, because he could still feel the aftershocks of his orgasm when he woke up in the middle of the night, panting heavily and wet between his legs.

 

On Thursday things went ok until Jensen started his shift at the diner. Because at about five o’clock the door of the diner opened and Jared Padalecki came in, sat down in the corner booth and smiled at Jensen, dimples and all, like they were long-time buddies and it was the most normal thing for him to stop by and crash Jensen’s shift.

Jensen went over to Jared with trepidation, his heart starting to beat a mile a minute.

“Hi,” he pressed out, but surprisingly his voice shook only a little bit. Something about looking into Jared’s eyes made him feel strangely calm and safe. “What can I get you?”

Jared was still smiling at him, all his attention focused on Jensen and it made his stomach flutter.

“Hey, Jensen,” Jared said and Jensen was surprised. He didn’t think someone like Jared would bother remembering his name. “Don’t know yet, can you tell me what’s good here?”

There was something in Jared’s voice, something like a tease but also something darker and Jensen thought his imagination was really getting the better of him now.

“Well, Sam makes a mean bacon cheeseburger.”

Jared was still looking at him, had never taken his eyes of Jensen, and now he nodded. “Sounds awesome. I’ll take one of those with fries, the garlic bread, some chicken strips and the chili wings extra spicy.”

“Are you waiting for someone?” Jensen blurted out and he didn’t know why it bothered him so much that Jared would eat with someone else. Oh no wait, he _did_.

Jared’s smile went soft and he shook his head. “Nah, I’m just real hungry.”

Jensen stared incredulously. “That burger is huge,” he informed Jared. “And the wings are a fifteen piece serving.”

“I know,” Jared answered without missing a beat. “But I’m _really_ hungry.”

Again Jensen thought he could hear something dark in Jared’s voice, but he just scribbled down the order and headed to the counter. It was only when he had given Sam the order that he remembered he hadn’t asked Jared what he wanted to drink.

He didn’t know who he was more annoyed with, Jared for lounging in the booth so casually, dark shirt stretching tight across his broad chest when he crossed his hands behind his head, or himself for getting so easily distracted.

Jensen watched Jared out of the corner of his eyes. Apparently he didn’t mind eating alone, after he had practically inhaled the burger he leaned back, got a well-read paperback out of his bag and started reading while leisurely alternating between dipping the strips and the wings into their respective dips.

The diner was busy now and Jensen hadn’t had a chance to check in on Jared in a while, so when he saw him reading and not eating anymore he went over there to clear his plates.

There were only two wings, one chicken strip and one lone fry left. Jensen was impressed.

“I take it you enjoyed your meal,” he said and he didn’t know where he got the nerves from to talk so casually to the most attractive guy he had ever come across.

Jared looked up at him and there it was again, that dimpled smile that made his breath catch in his throat. “I did. You wanna join me for the rest?”

Jensen could feel himself stare. What the hell?

“Um, sorry, I have to work,” he said and Jared nodded unperturbed.

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

With that he put the chicken strip and the fries in his mouth, grinned at Jensen while chewing, which should have been gross but Jensen found it strangely adorable. Then Jared threw a couple of bills on the table and pocketed his book. With a wink he grabbed the remaining wings and brushed past Jensen to leaving the diner.

Almost in a daze Jensen, picked up the bills. It covered the bill, including a twenty-five percent tip.

When he brought the plates to the kitchen Mike, Sam's second cook, whistled lowly. “Boy, you’re in for a lot of trouble.”

Jensen looked at him slightly panicked. “What?”

“That Padalecki kid,” Mike said, “he’s trouble. He might be the school’s star, but that doesn’t mean he is a good kid, you understand?”

Jensen nodded, because, yeah, he did. That didn’t mean he wasn’t crushing hard on him anyway.

 

Jensen went to bed, dreading another night of dreaming about Jared chasing him through the woods, but instead he dreamed about being on a boat.

He was leaning against the railing, cold wind in his face and the smell of salt and seaweed in his nose. His thick pelted cloak was shielding him against the wet air and in the distance he could hear the seagulls squawking. The men were running around the ship in that busy manner that always reigned on a sailboat, but Jensen didn’t need to do anything.

A warm and heavy weight suddenly pressed against his back and strong arms surrounded him. Jensen leaned back into his lover’s arms and felt Jared’s beard tickle his ear and his cheek.

“Hey beautiful,” Jared murmured into his ear and Jensen smiled despite his dry and chapped lips. Finally they were together again.

“Do me a favor,” he said.

“Anything.”

“Never take this long to find me again.”

“I promise,” Jared said, drew him in tighter and pressed a kiss to his temple.

 

 

On Friday Jared sat down next to him in class.

He just walked up to the guy usually sitting next to Jensen, Marc or Martin, one of the computer nerds, and made a shooing gesture. Marc or Martin looked confused for a moment but when Jared just looked at him expectantly, arms crossed over his chest and biceps bulging intimidatingly, Marc or Martin hurriedly packed his stuff and almost ran to the back of the class-room.

Jared smiled at Jensen and plopped down in the chair next to him, like it was a regular occurrence for him to chase people out of their chairs.

And hey, maybe it was. It was not like Jensen actually _knew_ Jared.

They spent the lesson sitting next to each other, Jared obviously relaxed and Jensen tense. Jared didn’t try to talk to him, not during the lesson or after and Jensen was confused. Why sit down next to him if he did nothing but smile at him occasionally?

That night in his dreams he was chopping wood behind a simple log cabin when Jared came out of the forest.

He was older, somewhere in his early twenties and buck naked. His skin was glowing like polished bronze in the sunlight and his strong muscles moved with every step he took. His hair was even longer, hanging down to his shoulders and his cheeks were covered in stubble.

He was beautiful.

A dead stag was hanging over his shoulder, but Jared carried the heavy animal without trouble.

“Dinner is served,” he announced proudly and dumped the stag to Jensen’s feet.

Jensen couldn’t help but look down to the place between Jared’s legs, where his beautiful dick was resting and slowly filling under the intensity of his gaze.

“Good thing I’m hungry then,” Jensen rasped out, his voice already shot just from the promises Jared’s naked body made.

Jared’s eyes immediately darkened and he stepped over to Jensen, completely ignoring their meal. He drew Jensen into his arms and then they were kissing, tumbling down to the ground and everything blurred into the feeling of rough earth below him, Jared’s hot hands on him and his hard dick pressing inside of him.

Jensen woke up with Jared’s name on his lips and damp underwear clinging to his softening dick.

 

 

Over the weekend Jared showed up in the diner once again.

On Saturday he came for breakfast and ordered even more food than on Thursday, but he didn’t make more than small talk with Jensen, commenting on their English homework and asking if Jensen had plans for the weekend.

Jensen had nothing else planned than to go shopping and clean the apartment and he didn’t really want to share these pathetic aspects of his life with Jared.

That night Jared fucked Jensen slow and gentle on a heap of furs by a small campfire, nothing but the open sky above them. Horses were grazing on the other side of the fire and a bunch of weapons, including a really long sword and a small crossbow, were lying by a leathery saddlebag.

When the flames died down Jared picked up the pace, thrusting into Jensen so hard he thought he could feel him at the back of his throat. His fingers were digging sharply into Jensen’s hips and when Jared came, he bit deep into his neck. Jensen came so hard, he was still slightly delirious when he woke up.

He wondered what was up with the historic wet dreams. He didn’t mind the subject in school, but he wasn’t _that_ much of a history nerd.

 

 

The following day Jared came in for lunch with a bunch of his friends. They ordered enough food to feed an army and Jensen admired the metabolism of growing boys. It wasn’t that he got fat, he just couldn’t eat as much as they did.

So far Jensen hadn’t had any serious run-ins with any of the guys from school, but Chad had already shot a couple of ridiculing remarks his way and another guy, Jensen thought his name was Aaron, had shoved him in the corridor and told him to go hang out with kids his own size, not to mention all the unoriginal jokes about people who wore glasses. He had two classes with Jensen, history and chemistry, and he was as dumb as a piece of moldy bread. Jensen hated him with a passion.

When he stood at the table to take the orders everything went ok until it was Aaron’s turn.

“Well _Jensen_ ,” he said, pure malice in his voice. “What kind of a name is that anyway, Jen-sen? Your momma too stupid to think of a real name?”

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Jared leaning forwards, his features hardening and his eyes glinting. It looked seriously scary.

“I think we need to make it a little more normal, what do you think?” Aaron continued, oblivious to the shift at the table. The rest of the kids had noticed Jared and his angry expression and they were looking at him with apprehension.

“What about Jenny?” Aaron asked and Jensen felt something in him snap. He could take a lot of taunts, usually didn’t lose his cool, not that it changed anything anyway, but someone calling him Jenny was a red flag.

“Aaron,” Jared said and his voice was low and threatening, commanding everyone’s attention. “Shut your mouth or I swear to the gods I’ll do it for you.”

Aaron looked at Jared with wide eyes. “What?”

“I said, shut your fucking trap or-”

“Jared, shut up!” Jensen interrupted him. All eyes shifted to Jensen and usually that would make him really uncomfortable, but right now he was too angry to care. “I don’t need you to protect me, I’m not some helpless little thing! And I definitely don’t need the help of someone who`s friends with such an asshole!”

Jared stared at him, his mouth slightly open and his eyes dark.

Jensen ignored it and turned to Aaron. “As for you, I’m not really surprise that you can’t handle my name, everything more than the daily life of the American teenager probably goes way over your head. And for your information, picking on the new kid with the weird name doesn’t make you look stronger, it just makes you look like a pathetic asshole and if you can’t play nice and treat me like an actual person, then I’m going to do all sorts of disgusting things with your food, got it?”

Aaron – and the rest of the table – gaped at Jensen. Then Chris and Chad started to chuckle, quickly joined by the two girls accompanying them.

“You- you,” Aaron started to stutter but before Jensen could say anything else, Jared stood up, grabbed Aaron by his collar and dragged him out the door.

The rest of the diner watched in fascination and Jeff had come out from behind the counter and walked over to them.

“Any trouble here?” he asked and put a reassuring hand on Jensen’s shoulder.

Jared came back and shot Jeff a hard look, before he shook his head. “Nah, I just took out the trash.”

“Alright,” Jeff said, sounding a little bit surprised and a whole lot impressed and went back behind the counter.

Jared looked around the group of people sitting at the table with a look that clearly said, anyone else want to join that asshole, but of course there were no takers.

Chris broke the tense silence by finishing their order and Jensen went back to the kitchen.

Of course Sam and Jeff wanted to know what had happened and when Jensen told them they both weren’t the least bit angry at him for telling Aaron off.

“We don’t need trash like that in here anyway,” Sam said, before she started cutting tomatoes viciously.

After that the table behaved as much as high-school kids do when they’re spending their Sunday afternoon in the diner and when they left, Jared was the only one who stayed behind.

“I didn’t want to step on your toes or anything,” he said when Jensen cleared the last of the plates, “and I don’t think you can’t defend yourself. But I also just can’t sit there and watch a guy I know randomly insult other people.”

Jensen felt himself flush. Jared had just acted like any decent human being would and he had completely blown up.

“Yeah, sorry about snapping at you. I just...” Jensen trailed off, not really knowing how to explain.

Jared gave him a crooked smile, dimple showing in his left cheek.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said before leaving, walking past Jensen so closely their shoulders brushed together. Jensen felt himself shiver and spent the rest of his shift chanting stupid, stupid, stupid to himself.

 

That evening Jensen actually wondered what would come next. Gladiators in Ancient Rome? Wrestlers in Ancient Greece? Knights at the Round Table? Personally he was leaning towards the first two choices, because _hello_ , oiled up bodies rubbing against each other, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

It was weird though, he thought while he was brushing his teeth. He usually didn’t remember his dreams and if he did, it was only fragments and feelings, never this clearly or detailed.

His mom was out once again and it was already the second time with the same guy. Maybe it was time Jensen started learning his name.

 

The woods were dark and quiet. There was the occasional distant sound of a cannon, but he was too far away from the battlefield to hear any of the screams of the dying men or horses.

He gripped his musket tighter and headed in the direction of the stream.

“Jared?” No answer, the forest stayed silent.

He reached the softly gurgling stream, but there was no sight of his lover anywhere. He searched the area, but he didn’t want to venture too far away in case Jared showed up.

Suddenly there was a noise behind him and when Jensen spun around to scold Jared for making him wait he was confronted with dark, almost black hair and dark eyes glinting at him from under thick eyebrows.

“You,” Jensen spit out. “What the hell are you doing here?”

The other man just grinned. “I came to claim my bitch.”

“You’re too late, mutt. Jared found me years ago.” Jensen didn’t know what he was saying, didn’t know what was going on, he was trapped in his dream-self’s body and while he could feel his fear and anger as if they were his own, he couldn’t do anything.

The guy’s face turned into an ugly sneer. “I don’t give a flying fuck. If I’ll find him, I’ll kill him and then you’ll be mine anyway!”

“That I want to see.” Jared’s hard voice came out of the trees and Jensen looked in relief over to his lover. He was wearing the blue union uniform and there was a bloody gash across his right leg, but his hand didn’t waver as he pointed the pistol at the other man’s chest.

“Now, I wouldn’t mind a good old-fashioned fight between the two of us,” Jared said, slowly walking closer, “but frankly I’m a bit tired, we are in a war zone and I’m not sure you actually deserve a fair fight. So good-bye, cur, and say hi to Anubis for me. It doesn’t matter what you guys come up with, Jensen will always be mine!”

Jensen saw Jared curl his index finger around the trigger and then the gun sounded, impossibly loud in the clearing, and the guy with the dark hair stumbled back, a red flower of blood blooming on his shirt, his eyes wide and incredulous and filled with so much hate. His knees gave out beneath him and he fell to the ground.

“Until next time,” he rasped out and then his dark eyes went glassy and unseeing.

Jensen thought he should be shocked, appalled, after all he had just witnessed a person being killed, but all he felt was relief. His dream-self walked over to Jared and pulled his head down to his.

The height difference between them was only three or four inches, his dream-self was obviously a lot taller than him – but hey, it was a _dream_ , right? - and he brushed their lips together.

Jared tasted like sweat and gunpowder, but Jensen didn’t care.

They were safe again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

comments = the boys in historic get-up

 


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen’s second week in Springfield went much like his first.  
  
He went to school where he suffered through lectures ranging from downright terrible to slightly dull. The only class he actually enjoyed was Spanish.  
  
Before they had moved to El Paso they had lived in a small town in Connecticut and Jensen had taken French as a second language, which meant he had a lot of catching up to do now. His teacher wasn’t particularly great, but at least Jensen was challenged by the material instead of being bored to death.  
  
He became tentative friends with Anna and Misha, another guy from the photography club. He was also a member of the chemistry club Jensen joined in the second week and even though Misha was slightly crazy, they got along fine.  
  
To his surprise one of the girls belonging to the popular kids also started talking to him. Her name was Rachel and he had seen her numerous times with Jared’s crew. She was working the whole biker chick angle, always dressed in boots and a leather jacket, but she had a razor sharp intellect and Jensen enjoyed their mutual mocking of their rather incompetent history teacher. They both thrived on the dark humor.  
  
And then there was Jared.  
  
He continued to sit next to him in English and he would occasionally talk to Jensen, mostly about their assignments or how hungry he was and what he was going to eat for lunch. Apparently it wasn’t unusual for Jared to eat the amounts he had in the diner and Jensen couldn’t help but chuckle at Jared’s self-declared, hunger-induced food fantasies.  
  
During their breaks Jared would watch Jensen. He would greet him in the halls and with every smile, Jensen’s heart beat just a little faster.  
  
It was ridiculous how hard he was falling for Jared and not only because of his looks and his smell.  
  
Jared didn’t participate in class often, but Jensen soon learned that it wasn’t because he was stupid, it was because he was bored. Jared might well be just as smart as Jensen, but since he didn’t need to rely on perfect grades for going to college, a sports scholarship would take care of him for that, Jared took it easy in class.  
  
When he said something though, it always had substance, was short and to the point.  
  
Jared moved with a self-confidence and ease through life that Jensen couldn’t help but admire. And he had stood up for Jensen in the diner, calling one of his buddies out on his shit.  
  
The threat of bodily harm to anyone who hurt Jensen spread through the school like a wildfire, at least that’s what Anna told him, and Jensen didn’t get any trouble after that. There might still be the occasional lingering look that told him all that the other person thought about him, but compared to his other high-school experiences, this was a walk in the park.  
  
He was still dreaming of Jared, every night like clockwork another scenario of a different time stole itself into his dreams, making him wake up sticky and sweaty, heart beating fast against his ribs.  
  
They fucked in the corridor of a medieval fortress, in a tent in the desert, Jared blew him at the shore of a big lake with a castle rising up on the other side, they even fucked in a church once while mass was being held outside. Jensen bit into his hand so hard to keep quiet, he had actual teeth marks on his palm when he woke up.  
  
Well, at least now he could be relatively sure that his mom hadn’t heard anything, because with the way Jensen was moaning in his dreams it was a reasonable assumption he would make these noises in his sleep, too.  
  
Each of the dreams he had was as vivid as the last and they left Jensen feeling deeply unbalanced. They weren’t _just_ wet dreams, sure, the sex was hot as hell and if the reality came anywhere close to his fantasies then Jared must be a god in bed, but it wasn’t all about physical pleasure.  
  
In his dreams he belonged. He was whole and safe and loved. Jensen started to crave the emotions more than the actual orgasms and that was saying something because they were the best orgasms he ever had.  
  
It was messing with his head, this connection his dream-self had with dream-Jared, because sometimes during class he found himself talking to Jared, telling him private things and laughing along with his jokes. Jensen was already in deep enough, he didn’t need to become Jared’s friend as well. Not that this was where this was headed, but the more he opened up to Jared, the more they talked, the harder it would be in the end.  
  
But when Jared was looking at him like that, eyes all soft and a small smile playing on his lips, it was hard to separate the dreams from reality.  
  
“Did you forget your glasses this morning?”  
  
Jensen looked over to Jared, the question startling him out of his musings.  
  
“Um no, I’m wearing-” Jensen broke off, because he realized he was actually not wearing his glasses. Which was impossible, there was no way he could see like this without them.  
  
Jared ignored his confusion and gave him the soft smile, the one where only the dimple in his left cheek showed. “It’s good. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see your green eyes.”  
  
Jensen really had no clue what to make of that comment, but at that moment Ms. Gamble stood up behind her desk and asked the class for their answers to the questions about the Great Gatsby.  
  
Jensen decided to try focusing on class, instead of making sense of Jared’s weird behavior.  
  
  
That evening Jensen stood in front of the full-length mirror of his mom’s closet and sighed. Just when he had saved up some money, his growth spurt hit.  
  
He didn’t know how he hadn’t realized before but it seemed like he had just grown at least an inch overnight and suddenly his pants were only reaching down to his ankles. His shirts and sweaters were stretched at his shoulders and their sleeves were too short. Jensen would need to buy a complete set of new clothes. He even needed new underwear.  
  
It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy he was finally growing, right now he was probably about 5' 5” or even 5' 6” tall, but he didn’t have that much money to spare.  
  
Maybe a miracle would happen and his mom would have some money for him. He seriously doubted it, she still had the debts to pay from back when Jensen had been in fifth grade and he had consciously witnessed his first bad break-up. The loser his mom had been dating back then had disappeared with all their valuables, even taking her credit cards and maxing them all out. Just a few weeks earlier the loser had talked his mom into buying the small house they were living in and his mom was still paying back the loan for that.  
  
Jensen hadn’t gotten any allowance since then, nor any other financial support really. After a few months he had also stopped counting the times he paid for the groceries so they didn’t have to live off of ramen noodles.  
  
His mom got off from work at seven, but she didn’t get home until nine. She stumbled into the apartment, slightly uncoordinated and smelling like cheap wine and barbecue chips. Great.  
  
“Birdie!” she cooed when she saw him sitting at the kitchen table. It was an old nick-name, a relic of happier times and she only used it when she was tipsy. Jensen refused to answer to it.  
  
She sat down at the kitchen table and tried getting her knee-high boots off. It was like watching a car accident, you couldn’t look away even though it was just terrible to watch. She managed to get one boot off, but the second one proved to be more stubborn and finally she pulled with so much undirected force that she would have fallen off the chair if Jensen hadn’t reached out and steadied her.  
  
“You okay, Mom?”  
  
She blinked up at him. “Wow, you’re really fast,” she breathed out before she started giggling again.  
  
Jensen just rolled his eyes and helped her into bed. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last that he placed a glass of water and two aspirins on his mom’s bedside table.  
  
His mom wasn’t a drunk – okay, maybe she was, but she was a _functioning_ drunk – and he knew that a little escapade like this one would not seriously impair her, she probably wouldn’t even have a hang-over.  
  
Jensen went back to his improvised desk and continued with his Spanish homework. Catching up on one and a half years of Spanish was more of a bitch than he’d thought.  
  
  
Soft lips were trailing down his back. Occasionally a tongue would dart out and lick over a spot and teeth would softly nibble at his skin. It felt really good.  
  
“Get up, baby, you need to go to bed.”  
  
Jensen jolted up from the table, a sharp pain shooting through his neck. Shit, he’d fallen asleep over his homework. Then he remembered what had woken him up and he looked around the room in panic.  
  
There was no one else there. He checked the apartment twice, even in the closets and under his and his mom’s bed – thank god for a drunk’s sound sleep – but he couldn’t find anyone.  
  
Of course, there weren’t that many possibilities for _who_ had woken him up, scratch that there was only one. But dream-Jared was not real, even if it had felt like it.  
  
Jensen scuffled into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He eyed his glasses the whole time but fuck if he knew why he didn’t need them anymore. He knew that sometimes people’s eyesight got better, especially teenager’s but that was when they were far-sighted and Jensen was as near-sighted as they come. Six diopters and counting, except apparently not anymore.  
  
He was way too tired to think about that though, it just made his head hurt anyway, so he went to bed. He thought that maybe he wouldn’t dream this night, because he was so tired and he had already gotten his nightly Jared-fix anyway, but when he fell asleep he fell straight into Jared’s arms.  
  
The next morning he didn’t want to leave his bed. He wanted to go back into his dream and continue to have slow and loving sex, with Jared kissing every inch of his skin, worshiping his body under a warm summer sun.  
  
His mom came into the kitchen when Jensen was just about to leave. He had been right the night before, there were no signs of a hang-over.  
  
“Hey Mom, is there any chance you have some spare cash?”  
  
She looked up from her coffee cup. “What for?”  
  
“I’m finally growing and my clothes don’t really fit anymore. I have some money, but I’ll have to buy everything new, even shoes, so if you could...” Jensen trailed off. He had known that this was pointless.  
  
His mom snorted into her cup. “Jensen, don’t be ridiculous. You don’t need to buy everything at once, even teenage boys don’t grow that fast.”  
  
“Right,” Jensen pressed out, before grabbing his bag from his room. He would just have to make do with what he had. Maybe he could pick up an extra shift on the weekend.  
  
When he came out of his room again his mom was standing in front of the fridge, eying the contents dejectedly. Jensen hadn’t been grocery shopping in over a week and it was showing. Sometimes he wondered if his mom thought that little elves filled up their fridge.  
  
He reached around her to grab the last apple from their almost empty fruit bowl and his mom suddenly looked at him with wide eyes.  
  
“Holy shit, you’re taller than me!” she exclaimed.  
  
“What? No way.” His mom might not be that tall she was a respectable 5' 7”.  
  
“Yes, you are,” she replied. “Take of your shoes, I wanna see!”  
  
“Mom, I’m gonna be late for school.”  
  
“Oh hush, you’re such an eager beaver sometimes. You can be a little bit late one day. Now take off your shoes!”  
  
Jensen grumbled under his breath, but he did it anyway. It was pointless to argue with his mother when she got like this. Like a dog with a bone, she wouldn’t let it go.  
  
When Jensen was standing in front of his mom only in his socks, he was still taller than her. She got out the measuring tape and yep, Jensen was 5' 7,5” tall now.  
  
His mom looked at him, sad and proud all at once, before she went to her purse and got out thirty dollars. She handed him the bills without saying a word and Jensen took them, leaned forwards to place a kiss on her cheek and left.  
  
He knew that she would stand in the kitchen now, silent tears rolling down her cheeks, like they always did when she was confronted in a particularly blunt way how she failed him as a mother. If it was about money, it was always the worst.  
  
Jensen got on his bike and pedaled as fast as he could. His eyes started to water because of the stinging cold wind. Right. His mom didn’t want to be a bad mother, but she’d had him way too young with no support from her family, his father a no-good drifter who wouldn’t settle down for the girl he knocked up and Jensen couldn’t be mad at her. She was still his mother, she still tried.  
  
He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he almost ran a freshman over in the parking lot. He managed to skid by him with only an inch to spare and didn’t bother to stick around and wait for the insults that were sure to follow. He ignored the incredulous looks and loud whispers while he locked up his bike and went inside.  
  
  
He had taken up sharing a lunch table with Anna, Misha and a couple of their friends and during their break he stared unseeingly at the pizza in front of him.  
  
Jared had struck up a conversation again in class today and before Jensen knew what was going on they were debating which franchise movie coming out this year would be better; Superman or Iron Man 3. Jared was a staunch supporter of Superman and argued that a fresh start was always better than some threequel, which wasn’t even a word, thank you very much.  
  
Jensen found Superman incredibly boring and told Jared so. Tony Stark was clearly so much more interesting as a character. Not to mention that Robert Downey Jr. was extremely hot. So Jensen liked older guys, so what? Not that he shared that with Jared.  
  
Jensen didn’t know how all that had let to Jared mentioning that Jurassic Park was showing in 3D now and if Jensen was interested in seeing it, but somehow it did and Jensen needed to remind himself that Jared was _not_ asking him out for a date, he was just making friendly conversation. So Jensen just told him maybe, but that he would work the whole weekend anyway so there wasn’t much reason to think about it.  
  
Out in the hall they had run into Jared’s friends and Jared had said something to him about lunch, but Jensen had already been hurrying off to avoid doing something stupid, like kissing Jared and begging him to be his dream-self and fuck him against the wall. That probably wouldn’t have gone over too well.  
  
Now he was staring at his pizza instead of eating it and dreaming about a reality where Jared would take him to the movies. Or fuck him in a giant four-poster bed. He really wasn’t picky.  
  
Spanish, his last class of the day, was canceled, because the teacher was sick and Jensen decided to use the time he had left before photography club started to go and buy some new clothes. Apart from looking ridiculous, his feet were starting to hurt in the too small shoes.  
  
There wasn’t a big selection at the various stores that sold second-hand clothes, but Jensen managed to find a bunch of pants and shirts that actually looked okay. He even found an old Metallica shirt. He was hopeful and bought about half of the clothes a size too big. You never knew.  
  
On his way back to school he drove past the football field. The team was practicing already, there were only two more games in the season, and Jensen had no problem picking Jared out of the group. He was the tallest among them and he moved with the most grace. Jensen would love to stop and just ogle him, but that would be way too pathetic.  
  
  
  
Jensen left the dark room after all the others had been long gone. It wasn’t like there was anything waiting for him at home anyway.  
  
The sun had already started to set, but he turned his head in its direction anyway to enjoy the last warm rays on his skin. The winter sun didn’t bring out more of his ridiculous freckles than he already had, so this was the only time of the year he could really enjoy it.  
  
He stopped short when he rounded the building.  
  
Chris's big truck was parked directly in front of the bike racks and he and Jared were sitting on the flatbed, legs dangling off the edge and passing a bag of chips between them.  
  
“You wanna talk about it?” Chris asked and Jared looked at him with a slightly confused expression. “Talk about what?”  
  
“The piece of tail you’ve been chasing and how you’re not very successful at it,” Chris said with an amused expression and Jensen felt his teeth clench in jealousy.  
  
There was no reason to get jealous, it wasn’t like he had a shot here, but apparently he still couldn’t stomach hearing about Jared and somebody else.  
  
Jared narrowed his eyes at Chris. “So you noticed.”  
  
Chris let out an explosive laugh. “Dude, everybody noticed. Well, apart from your intended obviously.”  
  
“Anyone gonna try to give me shit about it?” There was a hard edge to Jared’s voice and Chris raised his hands placatingly.  
  
“No way, man. I mean not everybody is gonna congratulate you, if you know what I mean, but it’s not like we didn’t speculate about it before. And your reputation is way too strong to really take a hit. But Jay, are you sure about this? Not because, you know, but it doesn’t really seem like your interest is getting returned here.”  
  
At Chris’s statement Jared had visibly relaxed and now he threw his friend a condescending grin. “Nah, the kitten’s just shy. Don’t worry about me, just a couple of more weeks and my bachelor days will be over.”  
  
“Kitten?” Chris raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. “That’s what you’re going with?”  
  
“Sure,” Jared replied easily. “Don’t you think it fits?”  
  
“Hmm,” Chris looked pensively up to the sky. “Heck, why not. Kitten,” he said, testing the word on his tongue. “The longer I think about it, the more it fits.”  
  
He started counting points on his fingers. “Small enough to fit in the palm of your hand, shy and quiet, but gets the claws out when annoyed. Alright, let’s go with it.”  
  
Jared grinned lazily. “Yeah. Kitten.” He almost purred out the word and Chris scrunched up his nose.  
  
“Dude, if you’re gonna daydream about sexy times, go away!”  
  
Jared laughed, a low rumbling sound that warmed Jensen from the inside out despite what he had just heard and then Jared jumped of the truck and pulled Chris down by his leg.  
  
“C'mon asshole, drive me home. I have some courting that I have to prepare for.”  
  
Chris swatted Jared over the back of his head, but went to the cabin of the truck anyway.  
  
Jensen was still standing there after they had driven off. So Jared was finally interested in a girl. In a girl small enough to fit in his palm. Maybe it was Sandy. She was rather tiny and always flirting around Jared.  
  
It didn’t really matter who it was, but Jensen thought the timing still sucked. Jared never showed any interest in anybody, everybody knew that Chris and Chad were the womanizers of their little clique and just when Jensen showed up he decided he wanted to use his dick after all and Jensen was left not only to lust after the hot guy, but the hot guy with a new girlfriend. And Jensen knew what that meant, high-schoolers were terribly predictable like that.  
  
A new relationship meant in-your-face PDA, kissing everywhere, stumbling out of broom-closets with rumpled clothes, lap dances at the lunch table and general vomit-inducing cuteness.  
  
He drove home and his mood was so low, that he didn’t even sigh when he came home to unwashed dishes and an empty fridge. He just cleaned the kitchen and made himself the last pack of mac and cheese.  
  
He went to bed early, but his sleep brought him no rest. His dreams were filled with Jared. Jared sneakily holding his hand in the parking lot, walking him to his classroom and surreptitiously kissing him goodbye before their endless separation that were the first two periods. Jared drawing him into the supply closet during their lunch break and fucking his brains out. He didn’t know why they were wearing terrible fifties clothes in his dream, but he had given up on figuring out the weirdness of his subconscious a while ago.  
  
When Jensen woke up, his boxers were sticky like always and his mood was so foul that even his mom noticed. He ignored her question of why he was looking like he had swallowed a whole pack of lemons and left the apartment.  
  
When he got on his bike he didn’t drive towards the school, but towards the edge of town where the thin forest started. Jensen needed a day off.  
  
  
Springfield wasn’t all that big and it took Jensen only ten minutes of high-speed pedaling before he hit the tree line. He’d chosen a spot far away from the usual jogger’s and dog walker’s route and he pushed his bike through the sparse underbrush.  
  
When the vegetation got thicker he just left his bike leaning against a tree and continued to push through the trees. After a while he came to a small clearing, the ground covered with soft-looking moss. Jensen wasn’t feeling all that tired, which was weird because he definitely wasn’t Mr. Sporty, but he could just put that on top of the pile of weirdness his life had turned into.  
  
The sun had risen enough to shine through the trees and Jensen just stretched out his arms and let himself fall back on the ground.  
  
He didn’t exactly know what he was doing, but somehow it felt good. Lazing around in the sun, surrounded by nothing but nature, the only sounds the soft rustling of the leaves and the forest animals scurrying about their business.  
  
Birds were singing in the distance, a woodpecker was doing his best to drill through a tree and two squirrels were doing an obstacle race to his right.  
  
Jensen snapped his head up. His eyes had no problems finding the furry little creatures and suddenly he realized how hungry he was. Jensen shook his head. What the hell was going on? He had just eaten breakfast. And since when did squirrels make his mouth water?  
  
Another point to add to the crazy.  
  
Now that he had a quiet moment to think about it, there was so much more going on since he’d come to Springfield. The intense dreams, feeling more real than most of his childhood memories, this acute longing for a guy that sure, looked so hot it was unbelievable, but still.  
  
And now he had just grown almost three inches without noticing, he didn’t need his glasses anymore and he could hear every animal in a five mile radius.  
  
If some radioactive animal had bitten him in the last weeks Jensen would start to think that he was turning into some kind of monster. But that was ridiculous. Something like that only happened in books or movies, not-  
  
Jensen stopped short. The hairs on his neck were standing up and his spine was tingling. He wasn’t alone.  
  
He slowly got up from the ground and did a slow spin. His eyes scanned the surrounding area, but he couldn’t see anything. And yet he still knew that someone – or something – was watching him.  
  
He strained his ears to hear something, but the forest was dead quiet.  
  
The squirrels were gone and the birds had stopped singing. The only sounds came from the trees and even those seemed muted.  
  
Something old and powerful was moving through the trees and the forest knew.  
  
Jensen felt eyes bore into his back and he took a deep breath before he spun around.  
  
Nothing.  
  
He knew he was still being watched, but whatever it was didn’t want to show itself. Jensen knew he should be scared, should run away as fast as he could, but he wasn’t afraid. Instead he felt – excited. The blood in his veins was zinging, heating him up with every beat of his heart.  
  
Whatever was out there was there for him. It was waiting. Waiting for him to be ready so it could hunt him.  
  
He didn’t know what made him snap his head around, but when he did he got a flash of yellow eyes staring at him before the spot just _blurred_. Jensen didn’t know what happened, but it looked like the branches of the shrubs were moving and then he was alone again.  
  
In the absence of whatever had been there just seconds before, the panic finally set in.  
  
His whole body started to shake, he started sweating and his heart was beating like crazy. Jensen was completely on autopilot when he turned around and walked back to his bike. He kept his eyes trained ahead, didn’t want to take the risk of seeing – something.  
  
It took him three tries to actually get his bike off the ground, he was shaking that badly. He only stopped when he reached the edge of the forest and had hard asphalt under his feet once again.  
  
He stood there for a while longer, getting his ragged breathing under control, before he dared to climb on his bike and drive it home.  
  
He would not think about this because clearly he was going crazy.  
  
It was already one o’clock when he got home and Jensen wondered if he had really lain on the forest floor for three hours.  
  
Of course there was still no food in the house and Jensen was starving. He decided to say screw it and went down into the diner.  
  
Sam gave him a raised eyebrow and Jensen tried for his most pathetic expression and told her that he had the most terrible headache ever.  
  
“Then you belong in your bed, not in the diner,” she scolded him, but there was something soft in her expression.  
  
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I know. But we have no food in the fridge and I’m really hungry.”  
  
Sam harrumphed and went back into the kitchen. Jensen knew she would feed him.  
  
Jeff brought him a steaming plate with grilled chicken, mashed potatoes and steamed veggies and Jensen ate the whole big serving. After he had all but licked the plate clean, he was still hungry. Jeff smiled at him, ruffled his hair and brought him a second plate. Seriously, this was taking on Jared-like proportions.  
  
Jensen shook his head but it wasn’t until he had cleared the second plat and a slice of Key Lime that he was finally feeling full.  
  
Sam smiled at him when he brought his plate to the kitchen. “Told you a growing boy needs his fuel. And you’re just shooting up like a weed, aren’t you?”  
  
“Seems like it.” Jensen grinned.  
  
Sam nodded before she shooed him out. “Now you better head on up, with your headache you should rest.” She raised her eyebrows at him expectantly and Jensen felt a wave of gratitude wash over him. Sam was like the aunt he’d never head.  
  
He leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek and headed to the backdoor that lead to the stairs up to their apartment.  
  
When he shot Sam one last look over his shoulder, she was still standing there, hand on her cheek where he had kissed her, a look of quiet amazement on her face.  
  
Jensen suddenly realized that Sam and Jeff both were in their forties but they didn’t have any children. Jensen’s heart clenched at the thought. They would have been great parents.  
  
  
When his mom got home that evening and Jensen told her point blank that he had skipped school she just nodded and promise to write him a note. She was either still feeling guilty or drunk enough not to care. With his apparently new and improved nose Jensen had no trouble smelling the liquor on her and he disappeared into his room before he said something he would regret.  
  
Sometimes his mom was receptive to the mom-what-are-you-doing-you-can’t-drink-just-because-he-dumped-you speech, but never if she was already intoxicated.  
  
Sleep didn’t come easy that night. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget about what had happened in the forest. But no matter what explanations he tried to come up with, each sounded crazier than the other. There was no sane explanation, which meant that either Jensen had stumbled into the Twilight zone or he was going insane. Both were really unappealing thoughts.  
  
What freaked him out the most was that he hadn’t been even bothered by the thought of being hunted. As a matter of fact it had filled him with a certain feeling of anticipation, like it was a good thing getting chased through the woods by some otherworldly predator.  
  
Heat curled in his belly at that thought and Jensen groaned into his pillow. He decided to blame Jared for this mess. After all, before all those historically themed sex dreams, he had dreamed of Jared stalking him in the woods.  
  
Jensen turned to face the wall, but somehow that made his back tingle. He didn’t like the feeling of leaving his back exposed. He turned around again and tried to wipe his mind blank of all thoughts.  
  
Maybe if he would think about it tomorrow, he would realize that it all hadn’t been so bad. He’d been alone in the forest and his imagination had just run away with him.  
  
When Jensen finally managed to fall asleep, he dreamed he was running through the forest. He was faster than ever, his four legs carrying him effortlessly through the woods and his tail stabilizing him every time he took a jump.  
  
Yellow eyes were watching him from the trees, except they weren’t yellow at all. They were more the color of warm amber and Jensen knew wherever he went, he would be safe as long as those eyes were watching over him.


	3. Chapter 3

 

“Hey, Jensen.”  
  
Of course. It wasn’t enough that Jared haunted him in his dreams, he also had to show up at his place of work regularly.  
  
It was Sunday morning and Jensen cursed himself for picking up an extra shift this weekend.  
  
Jared had already shown up for breakfast yesterday, eating ridiculous amounts of food again and trying to make small talk with Jensen. But Arlene, one of the other waitresses, was out sick this weekend, so they were short-staffed and Jensen had no time to dawdle.  
  
Jared had been back for dinner with a permanently smiling Chris and Jensen had still been working. He’d been tired and cranky, the four hours he’d had off over lunch doing nothing to lift his mood. He had tried to take a nap, but predictably Jared had again been the star of his dreams. Jensen really had not wanted to be there, but he couldn’t leave Jeff and Sam hanging, so he had sucked it up and taken Jared’s and Chris’s orders.  
  
When Jensen was done, Jared had given him a concerned look. “Jensen, are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah, sure, why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
Jared had shrugged. “You look tired.”  
  
“Yeah, well, long day,” Jensen had answered and given him a shrug of his own.  
  
“You sure that’s all?” Jared had asked and there had been something about his tone that hadn’t sat well with Jensen.  
  
“What else would it be?” he’d snapped back, harsher than he’d intended and spun around before Jared could reply.  
  
“Oh snap,” Chris had laughed behind him, but the rest of his comment was drowned out by the loud kitchen noises.  
  
Jensen had tried to get himself back under control. He had no idea why he’d been so pissed at Jared all of a sudden, but he’d sounded so knowing and so entitled, as if he had a right to ask and it had made Jensen’s fur bristle. Or it would have, if he had fur. Which he didn’t. Because he was not a cat. He might dream of being one, but again, _dream_ being the operative word here. Jensen really needed to get his head straight.  
  
When Jensen had brought their food out, Chris had still been smirking and Jared had actually looked contrite.  
  
“Sorry about before,” he’d said, “I didn’t mean to pry.”  
  
Jensen absolutely had not felt his knees go weak at Jared’s giant puppy dog eyes. Even when Jared had smiled at him tentatively, one of his dimples showing, Jensen had stayed cool. He had almost thrown their plates on the table, mumbled a “there you go,” and rushed back to the kitchen before his blush started to show. Oh yeah, Jensen had been coolness personified.  
  
When Jensen had cleared their plates, Jared had told him that he and Chris were going over to Chad’s house to meet the whole gang. They would have the last barbecue before it finally got too cold, not that it wasn’t already pretty cold in the evenings.  
  
“It’s going to be fun,” Jared had said and Jensen had nodded.  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun.”  
  
He didn’t know why Jared had looked confused and he’d left with the plates before Jared could tell him more about his great party where all his friends would be.  
  
Jared and Chris had stood at the table for a moment longer, and Chris had said something that made Jared drag his hand through his hair in frustration and Jensen had suddenly been ragingly jealous of that hand. Then Chris had clapped Jared on the shoulder and the two had left, leaving Jensen wondering about himself and his emotions that were suddenly all over the place.  
  
  
And now Jared was back. Only he wasn’t alone.  
  
Sitting next to him was Genevieve Cortese – and what kind of name was that, Genevieve? – one of the seemingly endless numbers of tiny brunettes always flitting around him. Only Genevieve was worse, because she was closer to Jared than all the others. And Jensen couldn’t even really hate her, because she was in two of his classes and even though they hadn’t really talked, he knew that she was nice and smart.  
  
“Hey, what can I get you?” Jensen was aiming for a professional tone, but at Genevieve’s surprised expression he could see that he didn’t exactly manage it.  
  
“Morning Jensen,” she said and Jensen tried not to show his confusion at her actually addressing him by his name. “I’ll have a glass of orange juice and a strawberry short stack.”  
  
Jensen jotted down the order and looked at Jared expectantly.  
  
He looked ridiculously hot in his black v-neck, a hint of collarbone visible and Jensen had to fight the strong impulse to lean forward to lick it.  
  
“Well, I’m really hungry and I know exactly what I’m in the mood for.” Jared winked at him and Gen tried to elbow him inconspicuously in the side.  
  
Jensen blanched. Great. The PDA was already starting. He really didn’t need to be a part of that.  
  
He schooled his features into a blank mask and asked, “And what’s that?”  
  
Jared’s face fell, obviously he had caught on to the inappropriateness and he cleared his throat. “I’ll have Jeff’s Breakfast Platter with side of hash browns and French toast.”  
  
“Something to drink?” Jensen asked curtly and Jared’s face darkened. Too bad, Jensen wasn’t really capable of niceties, not with the way Gen had placed her hand on Jared’s arm.  
  
“Coffee,” Jared mumbled and Jensen walked away without another glance.  
  
Back at the kitchen window he couldn’t help but look back.  
  
He wished he hadn’t, because Genevieve was now patting Jared’s head resting on her shoulder. She was telling him something and he nodded, suddenly smiling brightly. He said something and she laughed with him. Jensen wanted to puke. Or claw her eyes out.  
  
  
Later that evening when Jensen was lying in bed, he couldn’t go to sleep. This time it wasn’t the crazy keeping him awake, but the thought of Jared making out with a tiny brunette.  
  
His emotions just wouldn’t calm down, Jensen was feeling restless and tired at the same time and he continued to toss and turn for a long while. The prospect of more sex dreams with Jared did nothing to calm him down, they would just make his ridiculous crush worse.  
  
  
The bonfire was burning brightly, illuminating the whole clearing. People were sitting around it, drinking, talking and laughing. Spears and swords were carelessly leaning against trees and the trunks surrounding the fire. Someone was playing a flute and someone else was singing along with it.  
  
It would be the perfect evening to celebrate their successful raid if that _wench_ wasn’t plastering herself all over Jared. Jensen got it, kind of, because Jared was tall and handsome and had almost single-handedly defeated the enemy, but still. Jared was his and everybody knew.  
  
People might not have been accepting when Jared had brought him home from one of his longer raids, but Jared had made it very clear what he thought of any criticism. Now it was almost half a year later and everybody understood. Except for _her_.  
  
Dana still thought Jared needed to produce offspring and that she would be the one to give them to him, but that was not going to happen. Jensen had been lenient in the past, it was actually kind of funny how she had tried to seduce Jared and failed every time, but now Jared was relaxed, coming down from the rush of the fight, stuffed with good food and already on his fourth horn of mead.  
  
Dana was practically sitting in his lap, cooing into his ear and playing with his long hair. Enough was enough.  
  
Jensen walked over to them, slowly and deliberately, but his face must have been showing his anger because it suddenly went quiet around the fire. In the beginning they might have thought he would be Jared’s little bed slave, but they had soon learned that Jensen was a warrior in his own right.  
  
He stopped right next to them and while Jared noticed him immediately and gave him a dopey grin, Dana continued to whisper into Jared’s ear.  
  
“... imagine the children we’ll have. They will be warriors, as strong and as fierce as you are and they will-” Dana gave a high-pitched scream when Jensen dragged her off Jared’s lap by the strap of her dress.  
  
“I don’t know how you still haven’t realized this, but Jared is _mine_. And if I ever see you touching him again I’m gonna cut off your hands and feed them to the pigs, got it?”  
  
Dana’s eyes shot daggers at him. “But you can’t give him children! He needs a woman and you-”  
  
“Enough!” Jensen’s voice resonated loudly through the clearing. “I’m not going to repeat myself.”  
  
Dana shot Jared a pleading look, but Jared was still leaning back on his elbows, one hand stretched out now to curl around Jensen’s ankle and he was looking up at him with glinting eyes.  
  
“Gods, you’re hot when you go all alpha on me.”  
  
Jensen shot Jared an annoyed look. “Don’t think I’m not pissed at you either.”  
  
Jared licked his lips and smiled. “Oh, I know you are, kitten.”  
  
Jensen narrowed his eyes at Jared before he shot Dana one more look of warning and stalked off into the direction of their dwelling.  
  
“Get your ass into the house,” he said to Jared without looking back to see if he was following his orders. He knew he would.  
  
Jared entered through the hide hanging over the doorway just moments after Jensen.  
  
“You’re so incredibly beautiful when you get your claws out.”  
  
“Is that why you let her touch you all over?” Jensen glared at Jared who just grinned at him.  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
Jensen nodded angrily. “What if I did the same? Let one of the men touch me like that?”  
  
Jared’s eyes darkened immediately. “I’d kill the fucker,” he growled.  
  
“And what makes you think I feel differently? Dammit, Jared, when will you finally get that I can get just as possessive as you are?”  
  
Jared just shrugged. “Look, I’m sorry about Dana okay, but it’s not the same. You belong to me! I fought for you, I won you and that means you are mine!”  
  
Jensen stared at Jared for a moment, anger closing up his throat. He wasn’t sure how often they’d done this, how much time had passed, but he was sure they’d spend enough lives together for Jared to know that that was absolute and utter bullshit. But maybe he needed to be reminded again.  
  
Without warning Jensen pounced. He tackled Jared and brought him down.  
  
Jared’s breath left his body in a whooshing sound when his back hit the hard tamped ground but Jensen left him no time to get his bearings. Instead he ripped the strings of Jared’s pants open and gripped his dick. It was still mostly flaccid, but when Jensen squeezed a couple of times it started to fill with blood.  
  
Jared’s hands came up to his hips, but Jensen swatted them away. He leaned forward to kiss Jared breathless, pressed his lips against Jared’s mouth just the way he liked it, but didn’t let him take control. When Jared raised his hands to cradle Jensen’s face, Jensen started pulling Jared’s shirt up and Jared helped him, raised his back from the ground, but Jensen didn’t pull the shirt off all the way, instead he tangled it around Jared’s arms and pushed him down to the ground.  
  
“You’re mine just as much as I am yours. You fought for me? Well, I fought too, so that I could wait for you. You won me? I _let_ you win! You’re mine, Jared, and it’s time you finally learn that!”  
  
Jared was staring up at him and Jensen had no trouble seeing his dilated pupils in the darkness of their dwelling.  
  
He bent down again to kiss and bite at Jared’s lips and ground his hips down in the process. Jared was writhing under him, trying to get more friction, not used to giving up control like that and Jensen chuckled.  
  
“My way tonight. You need to learn that you can’t let anyone else touch you.”  
  
Then Jensen slithered down Jared’s body, pushed his pants down to his knees and swallowed his lover’s cock down in one go.  
  
Jared let out a choked off moan and bucked into Jensen’s mouth. “Shit, that’s it.”  
  
Jensen swallowed around Jared’s hard length, fully erect and hot in his mouth, before he slowly slid off and then down again. He set a slow rhythm with not enough pressure and Jared was going crazy. He tried to push up into Jensen’s mouth. Tried to coax him to go faster, give him more, but Jensen already knew what he was going to do.  
  
He slid off of Jared and quickly shed his clothes. Jared’s eyes roamed hungrily over his body and Jensen could see his intent to move even before he did and lunged forward. He pinned Jared to the ground again and straddled his hips. He couldn’t help but groan when their naked cocks rubbed together, but Jared seemed too lost in his own pleasure to notice.  
  
“I’m going to make you scream,” Jensen whispered into Jared’s ear. “I’m going to make you scream my name so loud, everybody is going to hear you and know exactly who you belong to. There will be no more misunderstandings after tonight!”  
  
He licked and bit at Jared’s neck, searching out all the spots that made his mate crazy, while he moved his hips, rubbing their dicks together.  
  
He pushed two fingers in Jared’s mouth and ordered, “Suck!”  
  
Jared looked up at him with glowing eyes, his animal slowly coming to the surface and he sucked and licked Jensen’s fingers.  
  
Jensen was still loose from earlier – Jared had practically plowed him through a tree after the fight – and it wouldn’t take long to stretch him. With just the spit it would still be a hard ride, but Jensen wanted to feel it.  
  
He stretched himself quickly, ignoring the burn and went back to kissing Jared, their mouths coming together sloppy and messy.  
  
Jared had given up on getting his hands free and Jensen grinned. “That’s a good kitty.”  
  
Jared glared up at him. “You little-”  
  
But Jensen had already braced his hands next to Jared’s head and with a move perfected over centuries, he brought his opening against the tip of Jared’s cock, relaxed and then pushed at exactly the right angle for Jared to just slide in.  
  
“Oh holy gods!”  
  
Jensen needed a moment to adjust, it didn’t matter how often they fucked, he was still only using spit as lube and Jared was really fucking proportional, but it felt so good, he couldn’t stay still for long.  
  
He set a fast and harsh rhythm, riding Jared’s cock as hard as he could.  
  
Jared was moaning and cursing below him, but it wasn’t until Jensen heard him shout his name that he changed the angle to take him deeper.  
  
“Fuck, Jensen!”  
  
Jensen could feel his own orgasm building, Jared’s thick cock hitting that spot deep inside him every time, burning pressure against his spine and his balls drawn up tight, but he wanted to take his alpha with him.  
  
He clenched his muscles harder and Jared threw his head back in that way that meant he was close.  
  
“C'mon, Jensen, so close, come with me, love!”  
  
And just like that, Jensen did. His climax surged through him, making his whole body tense and sing in the best possible way and through the haze of pleasure he heard Jared shout his name and come deep inside him.  
  
He collapsed onto Jared’s body and ignored the sticky mess between them in favor of getting comfortable on his alpha’s broad chest. They could clean up later.  
  
  
  
Monday morning Jensen couldn’t get out of bed. Another intense fucking-Jared-in-a-place-with-no-electricity dream had provided for a very unrestful sleep, but this time Jensen had no trouble figuring out why his subconscious had come up with this particular plot.  
  
He was tired and his joints hurt, he moved about as fast as a sloth, so of course he would be late. He pedaled as fast as he could though and when he reached the school he actually had five minutes to spare. Which was impossible, because it would mean it had taken him only twelve instead of the usual twenty minutes to get to school. He might have been fast, but not that fast.  
  
He just shook his head in annoyance, he must have read the watch wrong, and lifted his bike in the bent racks. He didn’t even need to strain himself, it was like his bike didn’t weigh more than a feather.  
  
What the fuck?  
  
Jensen could feel the freak-out coming, actually a little bit of running around madly and pulling his hair out might be long overdue, but it might not go down so well in the school’s parking lot. Plus, Jared had just shown up, so he took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm down. There had to be a rational explanation.  
  
Right. This was...completely normal. He was a teenage boy. He was finally hitting his growth spurt. Sure, he was growing really fast, but mother nature probably just wanted to make up for stunting him for so long. It made sense that his muscles would grow, too. He probably just thought he was abnormally strong, but it was normal for any other guy between sixteen and nineteen.  
  
Jensen nodded to himself. Everything was totally normal.  
  
The first lesson of the day was Spanish and it actually distracted Jensen from all his worrying, but during Chemistry and Math he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened in the woods last week. Because as much as he tried to rationalize it and blame his overactive imagination, he couldn’t shake the knowledge that it had really happened. It was like it was anchored deep down in his bones and while it terrified him, it also filled him with anticipation. He wanted to go back out there. Wanted to roll around the forest floor, spread his scent, wanted to draw them all out and-  
  
Something hit him hard in the ribs. He looked over to Misha sitting next to him who had obviously elbowed him in the side and who was nodding his head to the front of the room.  
  
“Mr. Ackles?” Mr. Turner asked and his voice sounded decidedly impatient, like it hadn’t been the first time he had called on Jensen. Oh.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Would you care to share your thoughts on this problem with the class?”  
  
Jensen looked frantically at the blackboard, but right now he couldn’t make sense of it.  
  
“Bernoulli,” Misha whispered next to him and suddenly the blackboard made sense again.  
  
“Yes, right,” Jensen said, shaking his head and getting rid of yellow eyes before he launched into an explanation about the Bernoulli Probability that made Mr. Turner purse his mouth in disappointment. Apparently he had wanted to catch another student off-guard. He liked to do that.  
  
He had a free period after that and he and Misha spent it in the library doing homework. Well, Jensen tried to do his homework and Misha pattered on and on about random things. Jensen sort of liked the background noise though, and occasionally he even had to laugh about Misha's randomness. When he got to the form of a cat’s penis Jensen almost choked on his pen.  
  
Misha just looked at him innocently. “What? Trust me, it’s hard on the female cat. My Greta always gets really moody after one of the neighboring cats has his way with her. I mean, can you imagine?”  
  
No, Jensen couldn’t. He stared at Misha for a moment longer, before the other boy broke out laughing. “Yeah, neither can I.”  
  
Jensen shook his head. “God, you’re weird.”  
  
Misha pointed his pen at Jensen. “Takes one to know one. Besides, I’m not the one crushing on the king of the school.”  
  
This time Jensen choked on nothing but air. “What?”  
  
Misha cocked his head. “I mean, yeah, he’s good-looking and popular and all but isn’t that a little bit too cliché?”  
  
“What?” Jensen was still reeling. How did he know? “Look, I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m not crushing on anyone!”  
  
Misha just snorted. “Yeah, sure.” Then his expression went serious. “Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else knows. I’m just very observant.”  
  
God, Jensen hoped that was true. If this ever came out – no, he would not think about that. Instead he let his head fall down on the table.  
  
“Fuck. What am I doing, Misha?”  
  
A hand gently patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out. We all have our unicorns.”  
  
Jensen looked up. “Unicorns?”  
  
“Mhm,” Misha nodded. “The people so perfect, we think they’re unattainable, maybe not even real. But they’re beautiful and shiny and we want them anyway.”  
  
“Misha,” Jensen asked slowly, “did you smoke something before school?”  
  
Misha laughed out loud. “No, I didn’t. And you know I’m right.”  
  
“Who’s your unicorn then?”  
  
Misha shook his head. “Can’t tell you. If I do, it might not come true.”  
  
“Now you’re just mixing it up with a wish on a shooting star,” Jensen accused him.  
  
Misha made a dismissive gesture. “Shooting star, unicorn, same difference. The only important thing is that you have to _believe_!”  
  
Jensen sighed and went back to his chemistry homework. Sure, if he would just believe, Jared would magically turn gay, fall madly in love with him and they would be happy for all eternity.  
  
  
Apart from the pining after Jared thing Jensen was surprised that he actually had fun at school.  
  
Sure, Misha was as weird as ever and Anna was a walking gossip rag, but Jensen still enjoyed their lunch breaks. Classes were still boring, but at least he would be able to get the grades he needed and Rachel’s sarcastic running commentary kept even the dullest lessons bearable. And for the first time since Junior High no one picked on him in school.  
  
His mom seemed marginally better, at least Jensen hadn’t smelled any more alcohol on her the past couple of days. She only drank periodically and if Jensen was lucky she was taking a break now.  
  
Work at the diner was also good. Sam was mothering him, always insisting on giving him free food, but it was a nice change from what he cooked for himself. Jensen got along well with Mike and the rest of the staff.  
  
So all was good. Except –  
  
Except he was still dreaming of Jared night after night in a vividness that was downright scary. He got so attuned to dream-Jared that when he caught the scent of real Jared in class – who smelled just as delicious as his dream-self – he would get hard instantly.  
  
He tried to stay away from Jared to save himself the embarrassment, but Jared stayed insistent about talking to him. Sometimes they even bumped into each other at the end of lunch and unless Jensen wanted to run, he had no choice but to walk with Jared to class. They got a few weird looks, but nobody dared to say anything.  
  
Jensen even caught himself once leaning into Jared while they were standing in front of the classroom and he just reveled in his body heat for a second, before he realized what he was doing and quickly brought more distance between them. After that he tried even harder to avoid Jared.  
  
  
Jensen heard about the party the first time on Wednesday during third period. The whole classroom was suddenly ablaze with the news of Sandy McCoy throwing a party on Friday evening.  
  
He wondered why one party was such a big deal, but Anna filled him in.  
  
“Her parties are the best!” she said with shining eyes. “Her parents are the richest people in town, so her house is gigantic. The have a pool and a hot tub and her older brother has this secret booze stash that he always fills up for her.”  
  
“Didn’t know you were such a party animal,” Jensen said, because he couldn’t really see Anna like that.  
  
She shook her head. “I’m not. But oh, the drama! Sandy’s parties aren’t complete without one hysterical shout-out and at least one fist fight. I’m gonna get so much material for my blog!”  
  
Right. Anna had this blog, where she tried to keep this gossip-girl thing going, but really, Springfield wasn’t _that_ scandalous.  
  
“She’s gonna invite you?” Jensen couldn’t help but ask, because since when did the popular kids invite anyone besides themselves to their parties?  
  
“That’s the best part,” Anna said, “no invitation, everybody can go. I think it’s because her brother was such a nerd in high-school, but really, who cares? We can go to an amazing party and no one is gonna give us shit about it!”  
  
Jensen didn’t really want to go, but he didn’t tell Anna that. He didn’t want to put a damper on her excitement.  
  
The party was the day’s only topic of conversation though, so of course Jared brought it up after English.  
  
“So, you hear about Sandy’s party?”  
  
“Yeah, I hear it’s going to be all the rage.”  
  
Apparently Jared mistook Jensen’s sarcasm for joy, because his eyes lit up and his dimples came out full force. “Dude, it’s going to be so awesome! She’s got a hot tub _and_ a heated pool and Chris and his band are gonna play a couple of songs.”  
  
“Sounds great,” Jensen said and stood up from their table.  
  
“Yeah, it’s – hey, Jensen, wait up!”  
  
But Chad was waiting outside their classroom for Jared, and Jensen managed to escape to PE without seeing him again.  
  
  
Predictably Jared showed up at the diner for dinner though and Jensen wondered not for the first time how Jared could afford to eat out all the time.  
  
Jared scrutinized him for a while after placing his order and finally he said, “You work too much.”  
  
“What?” Jensen sputtered. “I do not.”  
  
“Yeah, right,” Jared snorted. “Every time I come to the diner you’re working. And I mean you’re smart, but you still need to do your homework and since you’re working the whole day after school, you do it at night and don’t sleep which is why you have giant circles under your eyes.” He dragged his hand through his hair, a telltale sign of a high level of frustration. Jensen found it incredibly cute.  
  
“Look, Jen, if you need any help-”  
  
“Whoa, what is wrong with you?” he interrupted him, because really? “I don’t need any help and my sleep state is none of your business.”  
  
Jensen had his pride, god dammit, he would not become Jared Padalecki's charity case. He was doing just fine on his own.  
  
Jared looked like he wanted to argue with that, so Jensen turned around and walked away.  
  
It was actually happening. For whatever reason, Jared wanted to be Jensen’s friend and it would ruin his life. He couldn’t be so close to Jared and not go crazy.  
  
Later in his dreams, he spent what felt like hours with Jared’s head in his lap, just running his fingers through the long strands of his hair. It was so peaceful but when Jensen woke up he still felt like crap.  
  
He blamed it on his exhausted state when he caved and promised Rachel to go to Sandy’s party with her.  
  
He had no idea why Rachel even asked him. She said something about how she wanted his company for mocking all the girls falling over themselves trying to land Chris or to finally crack Jared, but Jensen thought that sounded like an incredibly thin pretext – for what, he didn’t know though. And he had even less of an idea why he agreed, but in the end he did.  
  
Which was why come Friday evening he found himself in the mansion Sandy called home, surrounded by half the school, already well on their way to drunk.  
  
But Rachel just took his hand, dragged him to the kitchen to get both of them a beer and then she got them a spot in the giant living-room with a good view.  
  
It was fun actually, to watch his classmates make idiots out of themselves and Rachel was at her best. Jensen thought she would make an excellent comedian.  
  
Jared showed up after a while and he was clearly already buzzed, ambling through the room, hugging most people and stealing drinks wherever he went.  
  
Jensen disappeared into the kitchen before he could see him. He got himself another beer out of the fridge and when he turned around, Jared was standing directly in front of him.  
  
“Jesus fuck, Jared! You almost gave me a heart attack!”  
  
Jared just smiled and leaned in closer. “Sorry, Jen.”  
  
Jensen took a step to the side, but his back hit the kitchen counter and he had nowhere to go. Jared put his hands on the counter, effectively trapping him between them. Jensen was assaulted with his warm woodsy smell, soft comfort with a hint of something spicy that sent shivers down his spine and blood rushing into his dick.  
  
“I’m really glad you came tonight,” Jared murmured.  
  
Jensen couldn’t answer, he was frozen in Jared’s arms. He was so _close_.  
  
“Gods, I can’t wait anymore,” Jared’s voice was low and throaty and Jensen needed to get away from him now.  
  
“Okay, I have no idea what you’re talking about, so I’m gonna go now.” He ducked out from under Jared’s arms and hurried back into the living-room. Rachel was talking to Chris and his band, but Jensen spotted Misha sitting in a corner between two big potted plants.  
  
“Hey man. What are you doing here?” he asked.  
  
Misha just smiled at him. “Fitting in,” he said and held up a red cup, probably filled with beer from the keg.  
  
Jensen grinned and sat down next to him. “The whole sitting between plants might make that a little bit difficult.”  
  
“I don’t think anybody notices. Besides, these plants look really weak and as long as I sit here they get a good dose of carbon dioxide,” Misha explained and really, how was Jensen supposed to argue with that?  
  
When his beer was empty, Jensen got up to find the nearest bathroom that would hopefully not be occupied by horny high-schoolers.  
  
He walked into the hallway, but stopped short when he saw Jared and Chad standing in the doorway to the bathroom.  
  
“Man, since when did you become such a pussy?” Chad asked.  
  
Jared punched him in the arm. “Watch it. I’m not being a pussy, I’m just taking it slow. You know, like a gentleman.”  
  
Chad snorted. “Dude, a snail moves faster than you do. You need any pointers?”  
  
“No! No, I can, I mean – fuck! I just can’t think anymore! Those eyes, I swear to the gods, every time I look into them, I just- What am I gonna do, Chad?”  
  
Chad patted Jared on the shoulder. “Easy man. You’re gonna go out there, you’re gonna say: Gen, I love you and I wanna be with you, followed by a big ole smooch, with the dip and all and then a discreet exit to one of the designated fucking areas upstairs!”  
  
Jared nodded, determination on his face. “You’re right. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do. Just lay it all out there.”  
  
“That’s my man! Go get your kitten!”  
  
When Jared stepped out of the room, Jensen hid around the corner.  
  
It didn’t surprise him that Jared was in love with Genevieve, but it still felt like he’d just been hit in the face; a slap with an open palm, the one that didn’t hurt so much but was all the more humiliating. Seriously, he should not be surprised. It was time to go home.  
  
When Jared had walked past, Jensen made a quick trip to the bathroom before he went in search of Rachel to say goodbye.  
  
He found her outside with the rest of the crowd, watching two guys fighting by the pool.  
  
With a sinking stomach Jensen saw that it was Jared and Aaron. He needn’t worry though, Jared clearly had the upper hand and two left hooks later Aaron landed in the pool. Jared looked ready to follow him and finish him off, but Chris and Chad pulled him back. He shook them off angrily and wandered off to the back of the garden, and after a quick round of rock paper scissors, Chris followed.  
  
Jensen was still trying to keep his breathing even and the boner in his pants out of sight when he turned to look at Rachel, because while he’d really like to know what that was all about, it had also been insanely hot.  
  
Rachel just shook her head and asked the girl standing next to them, “What happened?”  
  
“I’m not totally sure,” she answered in a perfectly artificial reality show tone, “I didn’t hear everything, but it’s definitely about a girl!”  
  
“Really?” Rachel asked, disbelief coloring her voice.  
  
“Totally,” the other girl replied. “They were like arguing and shoving each other and then Jared got like _really_ mad and Aaron was all like dude, relax and then he said something about cocksucking lips and Jared like completely _freaked_. I mean, he just _punched_ Aaron. And then he didn’t stop and-”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, we got it,” Rachel cut her off and Jensen was glad. He didn’t know if he could stand that girl’s stupid Jersey Shore talk any longer. It also wasn’t helping his mood that Jared had picked a fight over Genevieve.  
  
Just then the girl next to him sighed. “I wonder who she is. God, she’s _so_ lucky.”  
  
Jensen could only agree.  
  
“Jensen, are you okay?”  
  
Jensen looked at Rachel and nodded. “Yeah, sure. Why?”  
  
An amused smile was tugging at her lips. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you just looked ready to claw someone’s eyes out.”  
  
“What? No. Why would I wanna do that?” Shit, Rachel could _not_ find out about this.  
  
“Because you don’t want to see Jared dating?”  
  
Shit, shit, shit. “That’s crazy! I don’t care who Jared dates.” Jensen realized that he didn’t sound convincing at all and sure enough Rachel just raised her eyebrows. “Uh-huh.”  
  
“I need a beer,” Jensen mumbled and fled in the direction of the kitchen. Coming to this party had been a very bad idea.  
  
It was only when he had opened his next beer when he remembered that his plan had been to go home. He quickly debated if he should just get drunk instead, but with a picture of his mom in mind he decided against it.  
  
He was just about to leave when a girl he didn’t know walked up to him.  
  
“Hey! God, you’re cute! Have we met?”  
  
Jensen looked over his shoulder to make sure she was really talking to him and yep, she was.  
  
“Uhm, hi?” was all he could think of to say.  
  
The girl was probably around 5’7”, as tall as he was, with a hot body and beautiful blond hair. Just because Jensen wasn’t into girls didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate an aesthetically pleasing body.  
  
She smiled and stepped into his space. “Hi. I’m Nora. Who are you?”  
  
“I’m Jensen,” he answered and he once again backed into the counter.  
  
“Jensen. What a.... fascinating name. Are you Swedish?” Nora was almost purring now and she had gotten her hands on his chest.  
  
Jensen’s estimation of her height had clearly been off, because she had to look up to him now. Jensen didn’t know if he should be amused or intimidated by her offensive come-on, but the decision was taken out of his hands when Jared appeared in the doorway, clothes slightly rumpled and a dark look on his face.  
  
“What the fuck are you two doing?”  
  
Nora spun around and looked at Jared slightly confused. “Hey Jared, Jensen and I-”  
  
“Jensen and you?” Jared cut her off with a hard voice. He was still standing in the door way, broad frame almost filling it completely and god, it was hot.  
  
“There is no Jensen and you,” he continued. “I want to talk to Jensen now, so you better shag ass.”  
  
Nora gaped at Jared, but when he entered the room with heavy steps, she hurried past him without sparing Jensen another glance.  
  
Jensen was torn between being majorly turned on and seriously pissed. When Jared faced him with a disbelieving expression it tilted the scale towards pissed.  
  
“What the hell?” he hissed.  
  
Jared continued to look at Jensen like he had just grown a second head. “I could ask you the same thing. What the hell were you doing with that skank?”  
  
“Nothing!” Jensen exclaimed, wondering why he was defending himself. “And what do you care?”  
  
“I care,” Jared answered, voice suddenly going velvety dark and Jensen felt his knees go week. “I care because I don’t want to see her putting her hands all over you.”  
  
“Why?” he croaked out, but thinking was getting harder. Jared was so close, smelling so good and he was looking at him like he wanted to eat him. He didn’t understand what was going on here, it was staring him right in the face, but Jensen couldn’t make sense of it.  
  
“Why?” Jared repeated. “Fuck, Jensen, how can you not know? What the hell happened to you?” He reached out his hand and when it connected with Jensen’s face heat tingled through him.  
  
He wanted to lean into Jared, let him pet him all over, and at the same time he wanted to scratch his eyes out, how dare he touch him before the time was right – Jensen jerked his head back.  
  
It was getting too much, crazy thoughts were invading his mind and he needed to get out. He pushed past Jared, heard him call out behind him, but he didn’t care, he couldn’t breathe, he needed to get out.  
  
He stumbled through the corridor and bumped into Misha in the entrance hall.  
  
“Are you leaving?” Jensen panted out, heart still beating a mile a minute.  
  
“Not really. Jensen, are you okay?”  
  
Jensen turned back and saw Jared walking towards him, saw some guy step into his path and talk to him and that was his chance.  
  
“Misha, please drive me home. I need to leave now, I can’t wait for Rachel. Please, you gotta help me!”  
  
Misha gave him an intense look and then he nodded. “C'mon, my car’s down the street.”  
  
Jensen practically ran out of the house, only waiting for Misha to catch up at the end of the driveway.  
  
“Jensen, what is going on?”  
  
“I don’t know. I wish I did, but- “ Jensen broke off, not knowing how to explain that he was going crazy, that he was falling in love with Jared and projecting his feelings into vivid dreams that made him crave his proximity even more, all the while there was this sort of second voice in his head, messing with his feelings.  
  
And now he was apparently hallucinating meaning into conversation that was just not there, because how else could he explain what had just happened? The only other explanation for that was that Jared was actually interested in him and that was just as crazy as thinking he was getting stalked by a giant cat.  
  
Misha was blessedly quiet and when they reached the diner Jensen thanked him profusely and promised to call on the weekend.  
  
His mom was already asleep and Jensen went to bed quietly. He didn’t even want to think about the mess that his life had become, but he couldn’t stop thinking of Jared cornering him in the kitchen and what might have happened if he hadn’t run off.  
  
  
The battle was over. They had won.  
  
Jensen freed his arm from the straps holding the big rectangular shield and shook out his hand, trying to ease the ache in his muscles.  
  
The field was littered with the dead and the dying, both their own and the enemy’s. The hot sun was burning down mercilessly, laying a shimmer of hot air over the battle ground.  
  
Karak appeared next to him and clapped him on the shoulder. “You did good, as always.”  
  
Jensen inclined his head. “That’s what I’m here for.”  
  
“Yeah. I lost sight of Doma earlier. Help me find him, I promised his mother to bring him back one way or another.”  
  
Jensen nodded and together they made their way through the carnage.  
  
The smell was overwhelming, the stink of blood and fire and death in the air. The groans of the injured and the screams of the dying wafted over the field while Jensen and Karak sifted through the bodies, looking for a familiar head of black hair.  
  
Jensen suddenly veered to the right. He didn’t know why, but there was something pulling at him. He heard Karak call out behind him, but he couldn’t stop. He sniffed the air and beneath the rotten smell of decay, there was something stronger.  
  
Jensen’s legs were moving faster, carrying him over the field with no care for the men below his feet.  
  
He finally found what he was looking for in the midst of a particularly dense area of corpses. In the middle of all the fallen – his men, he realized, none of the enemy – lay a tall man. His shoulders were broad under the leather harness holding his breastplate. He had lost his helmet and the long brown hair obscuring his face was glinting in the sun.  
  
Jensen carefully knelt down beside him, feeling for a pulse, but he found none.  
  
He drew in another deep breath, to make sure he was the one, but he hadn’t been wrong. The dead warrior was one of the alphas.  
  
Jensen didn’t know if he had come looking for him, it was probably a coincidence that they had been on this field today, the alpha a part of the mercenary army and Jensen with his people defending their homeland.  
  
Dread was pooling in his stomach, because what if this had been him? What if the faceless man from his dreams was lying dead before him and Jensen would be condemned to another lifetime of loneliness?  
  
“Jensen? Did you find him?”  
  
He looked up to see Karak jogging over to him and he hurried to get up. “No, sorry.”  
  
He saw Karak’s shoulders sag and went over to his friend. “We won’t stop looking until we have.”  
  
Karak nodded and they continued to search the field. Jensen didn’t turn back, but he didn’t need to. Deep down he knew that the tall dead warrior had been the one to haunt his dreams. He didn’t need to put a face to it, that would only make it worse.  
  
That night, when the fires had died down, the wounded had been tended to and the dead buried, Jensen stood at the edge of the cliff, running close to the city.  
  
He had waited twenty-nine summers for the man of his dreams to show up and fill that gaping hole inside his chest. Now he was lying on the battlefield as dead as Jensen’s hope.  
  
The wind from the canyon was pushing at his back, he looked down and he was done being alone.  
  
  
Jensen started from his sleep. What the fuck was going on?  
  
It was still dark outside, but he couldn’t stay in bed anymore. He quietly got up and put on some clothes before stealing out of the apartment. He got his bike out of the shed and rode off in the direction of the woods.  
  
The sun was slowly starting to rise, giving the eastern sky a slight pink glow. Jensen made his way into the forest.  
  
He was shaking and his heart was going a mile a minute. He was going crazy. Completely, certifiably crazy. His body was – no, he _thought_ his body was changing in an abnormal fashion and his dreams made him think he had some sort of weird esoteric connection to Jared.  
  
He couldn’t even function properly anymore, a constant humming under his skin that wanted to push him somewhere he couldn’t go yet.  
  
Yeah, and if that wasn’t a crazy thought as well.  
  
He reached the little clearing in no time, but this time there was no one watching him.  
  
“What the hell?” Jensen raised his arms and started turning. “I’m here! Isn’t that what you wanted?”  
  
Jensen had no idea what or who he was talking to, maybe Jared, maybe the cat from his dream or maybe whatever had been with him in the woods the last time.  
  
“What the fuck do you want from me?” Jensen yelled and his voice echoed through the forest. “Do you want me to go crazy? Because if you do, mission accomplished!”  
  
The forest stayed silent and suddenly Jensen was exhausted. He dropped down to the ground and buried his fingers in the cold forest ground. He inhaled deeply, trying to find calm in the woodsy scents.  
  
It worked a bit and for a while he was just kneeling there, in the fallen leaves and the soft moss. Eventually he laid down and just watched the sky transform from a dark blue to a light one, clouds slowly floating past.  
  
He wasn’t sure how much time passed, but he didn’t care. He was losing his grip on reality, what were a few lost hours?  
  
Suddenly it was back, the feeling of being watched that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He slowly got up and turned around, fully prepared to see nothing again – because he was going insane and there was _nothing_ there – but this time his eyes caught something moving towards him. Or rather someone.  
  
Jared was walking through the trees, coming straight for him.  



	4. Chapter 4

 

  
  
Jensen still couldn't believe it. He was in the middle of the woods, officially going crazy and then Jared _just showed up_.  
  
“What the hell are you doing here?” The words were out of his mouth before he even realized he wanted to say them.  
  
Jared stopped a few feet away from him and gave him a hesitant smile. “You just left last night, so I wanted to make sure you were okay. You weren’t home so I followed your- well I followed you out here.”  
  
“How? Are you stalking me?” The idea simultaneously filled him with dread and made heat curl low in his belly.  
  
Jared shook his head. “No. I just, well, when it comes to you I developed kind of a sixth sense.”  
  
“What's that supposed to mean? And while we're at it, what was all that weird shit about last night?”  
  
Rubbing the back of his neck, Jared looked clearly uncomfortable. “Yeah, about that. I'm sorry?”  
  
“You're sorry?” Jensen almost yelled. He took a deep breath to get his emotions under control and continued slightly calmer, “I don't want an apology, I want to know what the hell is wrong with you!”  
  
“Nothing,” Jared said nonchalant, but when he saw Jensen’s murderous expression, he hurried to continue. “Look, I wasn't sure if I could tell you. This kind of thing hasn't happened before, you know?”  
  
“What kind of thing?”  
  
“Us meeting before.”  
  
“Before what?” Jensen asked, a flutter in his belly.  
  
Jared knew about... whatever it was that was going on. Jensen took a careful step back, because he was living in crazy land, and everybody in here was probably as crazy as him.  
  
“Hey, you don't have to be afraid, I'm not gonna hurt you,” Jared said, clearly offended by the insinuation.  
  
Jensen snorted. “Jared, I'm going insane. If you're involved, you're mental too. I'm just being careful here.”  
  
Jared dragged a hand through his hair. “You're not going insane, Jen, you're just different.”  
  
“Different?”  
  
A slightly pained grin spread over Jared’s face. “Yeah, but in a good way. Special, you know?”  
  
“No, I really don't.” Jensen started pacing the clearing. “I mean, I know _some_ stuff. Let's see: I get stalked by a giant cat, I have the weirdest, most vivid dreams ever, about you of all people, my body is doing things I didn't think were possible, and oh yeah, my hormones are apparently all over the place because I have turned into the bitchiest bitch who ever bitched!”  
  
Jared flinched. “It's really not that bad.”  
  
“Not that bad? Not. That. Bad! Are you fucking kidding me? I need to know what the fuck is going on here!”  
  
“Alright. Just calm down, I’ll explain everything.” Jared looked at him pleadingly. “Just let me show you something first?”  
  
Jensen looked at Jared suspiciously. “What?”  
  
“Well,” Jared hesitated, “it’s hard to explain and you’ll probably not believe me, so just watch. And don’t be scared.”  
  
And then he started removing his clothes.  
  
His jacket went first, then the blue plaid shirt. When he pulled his undershirt off, Jensen finally managed to speak again.  
  
“Why are you taking your clothes off?”  
  
“Wait for it,” Jared replied and toed off his shoes.  
  
“I am, but this isn't exactly scaring me.”  
  
Jared looked up from his zipper and winked at him, before pulling off his pants and boxers in one go. Jensen trained his eyes on Jared’s face, because of modesty and all and Jared chuckled. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, right?”  
  
Jensen’s eyes widened in shock, did Jared know what he dreamed about?  
  
Jared smiled at him reassuringly. “Just watch,” he said softly and then he shifted.  
  
The air around him seemed to ripple – to glimmer for a moment – and then his whole body started to realign itself, legs and arms shortening, tawny and black hairs growing out of his skin.  
  
Jensen thought that without his new eyesight, he would never have been able to see all of this so clearly. But then he blinked, and the next moment Jared was gone and a giant cat was standing in his place. A jaguar, if Jensen read the large black rosettes covering the tawny fur correctly.  
  
To say he was shocked was a bit of an understatement.  
  
“What the fuck?”  
  
The cat tilted its head to the side in a disturbingly human gesture and took a few steps forward.  
  
Jensen was frozen on the spot. He couldn't move a single muscle, could just track the jaguar with his eyes as it slowly came closer.  
  
On some level he was terrified. But that was only one of the emotions surging through his body and it was so weak, Jensen only noticed it because he knew he _should_ be terrified.  
  
Mostly he was relieved. He wasn't going crazy. Or he was, but at least he wasn't alone. The cat was real. The cat was Jared. Jared knew.  
  
The answer to all of it was staring him right in the face, hovering so close, but he couldn't see it, because the heat was back in his belly, expanding, licking higher and making his blood boil.  
  
Then the cat – Jared – took another step and halted directly in front of him.  
  
He was tall, taller than any actual jaguar could be, his head coming level with Jensen's ribs. Jensen didn't know why he did it, it was Jared, and not some animal, but he held his hand out anyway.  
  
Jared leaned in and took a whiff before he parted his jaws and licked Jensen's hand. It was gentle and loving, but his tongue was surprisingly raspy. A jolt of pure want went through Jensen at the same time as indignation rose up, and he pulled his hand back.  
  
Once again stumped by his own reaction, he shook his head to clear his mind.  
  
“You better explain what the fuck is going on.”  
  
The cat nodded – and wasn’t that a weird sight – and then suddenly Jared was standing in front of him again, buck naked and smiling slightly.  
  
This time, Jensen couldn't look away and yeah, just like he had remembered. Jared was a bit leaner than his older dream-self, less muscled and bulky, the lines of his body softer, but he was still freaking hot and his dick was still a thing of beauty.  
  
Jensen _wanted_. But there was this part of him, this new part, that drew back and sharpened his claws. The time wasn't right yet.  
  
“Okay, get dressed and tell me what the fuck is going on, before I completely lose it.”  
  
Jensen turned away while Jared went to get his clothes.  
  
“Okay,” Jared said and Jensen turned around to find him sitting on the ground, fully clothed and looking slightly apprehensive.  
  
“I'll explain. Just keep an open mind and let me get through this, okay?”  
  
Jensen nodded and Jared began.  
  
“Well, I'm sort of a werecat, obviously. Except not really. Shapeshifter might be a better name. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, the important thing is that I can turn into a cat whenever I want. It's pretty awesome actually.”  
  
Jared grinned and Jensen just continued to stare at him, because that wasn't really helping a lot. Jared noticed and coughed.  
  
“Right. So I'm a little hazy on a couple of the details. I think because their power is so weak, so is the connection, and it isn't as if I could just download the memories, they come in dreams, just like yours, so-”  
  
“Jared, you better start making sense, or I swear to God-”  
  
“Gods,” Jared interrupted him.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Gods. As in, there are several of them.”  
  
“I don't get it.”  
  
Jared grinned again. “Well, we are the children of gods essentially, and that's why we can shift.”  
  
Jensen had expected a lot of things – okay maybe he hadn't, but if he would have, this wouldn't even be on the list.  
  
“What? We're demigods?”  
  
“Maybe? I'm not sure. And it doesn't really matter, because they're not powerful anymore, so we don't have any power either. Well except for the 'shifting into a cat' thing.”  
  
Jensen inhaled deeply to calm himself. “Jared...”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it. How much do you know about Egyptian mythology anyway?”  
  
“What?” Jensen sputtered. Again a question he hadn't really expected. But Jared was looking sincere, so he tried to dig the information out of his muddled brain.  
  
“Uhm, they had several gods, I think the most important ones were Ra and Osiris? They believed in a life after death, that's why they preserved the bodies and a lot of their gods are connected with animals and even depicted with animal heads...” Jensen slowly trailed off.  
  
Jared nodded. “More or less, yeah. What's important for us is that Bastet, your mother, and Sekhmet, my mother, made a deal over four thousand years ago.”  
  
Jensen recognized the name Bastet as one of the cat deities. Something odd was uncurling in his stomach, a warmth that felt surprisingly like comfort and calm.  
  
“Bastet, well she was losing worshipers and getting weaker and Anubis,” Jared's voice turned to ice at the mention of the god of death, “well he wanted her and her children. She didn't want to be with him though, and when Sekhmet appeared on the scene, new and powerful, they made an agreement. Sekhmet would protect Bastet.”  
  
This was so weird, Jensen couldn't even consider the absurdity of it, so his mind focused on the hole in the story. “Why would Sekhmet help Bastet? Against such a powerful god?”  
  
Jared smirked. “Because she had something everyone wanted.”  
  
“What?” Jensen asked and he had a bad feeling about this.  
  
“Her children. Her helpers, if you will. The cats of Bastet, the most alluring creatures to ever walk the desert.”  
  
Jensen had a very bad feeling about this.  
  
Jared continued, his eyes fixed on Jensen's face. “Sekhmet wanted them as mates for her own children, her own cats. So they performed a bonding ritual. And to ensure that Bastet's cats would come to Sekhmet's, they made us alphas and you betas. That way, you would always crave us and the unions could be made, lifetime after lifetime.”  
  
A very, _very_ bad feeling.  
  
“Anubis was pissed of course,” Jared said with a shrug of his shoulder, as if it was a natural occurrence to have the Egyptian god of the underworld to be mad at him. “He wanted you for his own mutts. So he sabotaged the ritual, turning his dogs into alphas as well. But since Bastet always hated him, you guys never gave them the time of day.”  
  
Jensen tried to make sense of it all, he really did, but it was just too strange. Werewolves, okay. Werecats, why not? Ancient Egyptian gods making deals and promising their children to each other? Just no.  
  
“How come you know all this?” he asked Jared. “I only dream about us fucking in historic get-up.”  
  
“Because I can already shift.” Jared explained, “It’s a matter of reaching adulthood. As soon as you’re able to shift, you feel this, I don’t know, connection to Sekhmet. Or you’ll feel it to Bastet. It gives you the knowledge of your origins.”  
  
Jensen really didn’t know why he hadn't realized this before, but- “I will turn into a cat?”  
  
“Erm, yeah.” Jared actually looked at him as if Jensen's question was crazy. “What else do you think is going on here?”  
  
“I don't know, Jared! But being the child of an ancient Egyptian goddess wasn't really my first guess.”  
  
Jared smiled ruefully. “Sorry. And really, you'll know all this as soon as you shift for the first time and I actually think that might be soon, so just relax and let it happen, okay?”  
  
“Relax? You tell me I'm the child of a goddess and you want me to relax? I mean, what does that even mean? Do we have powers? Do we have duties? Do we have to listen to the prayers of housecats and tigers at the zoo?” Jensen felt himself getting slightly hysterical, but really, he thought he had every right to.  
  
Jared just laughed and even though Jensen was still furious, the sound helped him to calm down a bit. If Jared could laugh about, it couldn't be too bad. Could it?  
  
“Nah, no duties. In ancient times maybe, but now our gods are pretty much powerless. We’re almost all that’s left.”  
  
Something new occurred to Jensen then. “You keep saying _we_. How many are there? Of us I mean?”  
  
“Betas?” Jared asked. “I don’t know for sure, probably seven. I think there are more alphas, though, I remember once fighting one of them for you.”  
  
“You fought for me?” Jensen asked even though he already knew the answer to that. He remembered the dream from the civil war.  
  
“Oh yeah,” Jared nodded, “I mean, ultimately it’s up to you who you accept, but I don’t think you ever really said no to me.”  
  
Jensen tried to calm the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind and get his questions into some kind of order.  
  
“So, are we like soulmates or something?” he asked, because he didn’t know how else to explain this attraction to Jared.  
  
The other boy chuckled. “No, I don’t think we are. Bastet promised her kitties to Sekhmet, which essentially means to us alphas, and put the mechanisms in place, but that was all. And I think I remember that you weren’t very happy about it in the beginning.”  
  
Jared's eyes started to glint at the memories and mirth was dancing in his eyes. “I remember how fierce you were. We all thought Bastet’s children were these soft, kind creatures and then there was you, extending your claws and telling us all we could go to the Duat. You sort of became the Holy Grail after that. Everyone wanted to be the one to claim you.” Jared grinned crookedly. “We could never resist a good challenge.”  
  
“So what? We live and then we die and get reborn? And I really accepted you every time?”  
  
“Well yeah, we’ve been doing this for almost four thousand years,” Jared smirked and got up from the ground.  
  
Jensen took a step back. He needed space, dammit.  
  
“I’m sure there were a few times in the beginning you told me off, but what have you been dreaming about, Jen?”  
  
Jensen felt his cheeks flush, because he knew exactly what he’d been dreaming about.  
  
“But I can say no now?” he asked instead, because he didn't like the sound of this bonding ritual one bit.  
  
Jared smiled. “Oh yeah. And I’m sure you will at first. You never went down without a fight. I guess it’s part of your nature to make the alpha work for it when the time comes.”  
  
“When the time comes?” What the hell did that mean? And why was Jared suddenly looking down to the ground, fiddling with his hands?  
  
“Well,” Jared began and he looked at Jensen warily, “I said before, even though you sort of need us, ultimately it’s your choice whom you pick. But for this situation to occur you, uhm, sort of call out to us, so that we can compete for you.”  
  
“I see. And how exactly do I 'call out' to you?”  
  
Jared cleared his throat. “You do it like any cat does who wants a mate.” At Jensen’s raised eyebrows he elaborated, “any female cat.”  
  
Jensen sputtered. “What?”  
  
Jared looked down sheepishly and Jensen’s thoughts were once again taking a carousel ride in his head.  
  
“Are you – do you mean – am I going to go into _heat_?”  
  
Jared bit his lower lip and looked apologetic. “Sorry?” he said, but it came out more as a question.  
  
“You’re sorry?” Jensen yelled. This could not be happening. “I’m going to go into heat like a freaking animal and you’re _sorry_?”  
  
Jared flinched and took a few steps back.  
  
“So what?” Jensen bit out, “I’m gonna get all horny and rub myself against every available hard surface and piss in every corner?”  
  
“I don’t think you’re gonna do that,” Jared mumbled, “the pissing in every corner, I mean. The other things...” his mouth pulled into uncomfortable grimace.  
  
“Great, this is just great.” Something else occurred to Jensen then, something Misha had told him a couple of weeks ago. “Oh my god, do you have a barbed dick?”  
  
“What?” Jared looked aghast. “No! No barbs, my dick is completely normal!”  
  
“Well, that’s something at least.”  
  
Jared grinned. “I love how you always see the upside.”  
  
“Shut up, or I’m gonna get my claws out right now.”  
  
Surprisingly, Jared did. He stood in silence while Jensen continued to pace restlessly in the clearing.  
  
The information was just too overwhelming, and it didn't make any sense, swirling around in his head like that. He wished he had a flip-chart or a whiteboard or something, to somehow make sense of this mess, but he didn't, so he chose the next best option.  
  
“Okay then, to sum this up,” he said and he didn't know if he was talking to Jared, to himself or maybe just the trees.  
  
He raised his fingers and started ticking off the points. “Egyptian gods are real – and no, I'm not thinking about what that means for the rest of the world's religions – and we're the children of the cat gods. There was a bonding ritual and now you're an alpha and I'm a beta, whatever the hell that means, and I'll go into heat like a freaking animal, so you can what – claim me? But according to you, I have a choice, although apparently we've been dating for the last four thousand years, which I only remember in dreams. That about it?”  
  
Jared looked a bit uncomfortable, but nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”  
  
“Awesome.” Suddenly all the energy left Jensen and he just plopped down to the ground. This was still too much.  
  
“It still doesn't make sense,” he said and he felt the air shift when Jared sat down next to him. “I have – so many questions, but right now, I can't think straight.”  
  
Jared put a hand on his thigh. “Take all the time you need. Whatever you wanna know, I'm here.”  
  
And Jared probably meant his hand to be comforting. Instead it burned hotly through Jensen’s jeans, searing into his skin. He tried to get himself under control, but it was as if now that he knew about them, the connection was so much stronger.  
  
He turned to look at Jared and stared right into multi-colored eyes, firmly fixed on his face.  
  
“Jen,” Jared breathed out and that one sound was all he needed.  
  
Jensen flung himself forward, and somehow managed to get his mouth on Jared's. He wasn't thinking, he was running purely on instinct and when Jared opened his mouth and pushed his tongue into Jensen's mouth he had a moment of heaven, before something inside of him was hissing angrily. He pushed off of Jared, saw him breathing heavily and had no idea what was going on.  
  
“Fuck,” Jared breathed out. “Your cat not letting us make out?”  
  
“My cat?”  
  
“The animal inside of you?”  
  
“Oh, yeah.” That actually made sense. This new side of him, coming from deep within, that was guiding so many of his actions and messing with his emotions, that was his inner cat. Because apparently Jensen had an inner cat now. Awesome.  
  
He couldn't help it, he just doubled over with laughter. All the tension and the craziness, it just bubbled out of him and Jensen laughed until tears were running down his cheeks and there was a painful stabbing in his flanks. He laughed until it was getting hard to breathe, and his head was getting red. He laughed until he had to hiccup, and then he laughed some more.  
  
When he was finally able to stop, Jared looked at him with a worried expression. “Are you okay?”  
  
“What kind of question is that? Of course I'm not! But I’ll survive, if that's what you mean.”  
  
Jared gave him a tentative smile. “Yeah, you will. Look, I don't know what happened to you in this life, but Jen, you're the strongest person I know. You're fearless and fierce, and-”  
  
“Stop!” Jensen said. He didn't want to hear undeserved praise for things he'd done in former lifetimes, that he didn't even know about.  
  
But Jared just crouched down next to him and took his face into his hands.  
  
“No. You're the most amazing person I've ever met and I'm not staying away from you anymore.”  
  
And then Jared kissed him. Just leaned in, pressed his mouth on Jensen's and tightened his grip. Jensen couldn’t draw back, he was frozen in place and then Jared’s tongue swept along his bottom lip and it was game over.  
  
Jensen's whole body was on fire and when he opened his mouth to let Jared in, he was instantly achingly hard. The memories from his dreams were morphing with these new sensations and Jensen could do nothing but grab onto Jared's shoulders as he pushed his tongue into his mouth.  
  
It was hot and messy, slightly uncoordinated and overeager, but it was everything Jensen wanted. When Jared pushed him back on the ground and slotted himself between Jensen’s legs, their bodies touched everywhere and through two layers of denim, Jensen finally got the friction on his dick he desperately needed.  
  
Jared's body was hard against his, and his scent was overwhelming. Jensen gulped in a deep breath when Jared let go of his mouth in favor of biting down his neck. Shivers raced down his spine and he finally got his hands into Jared's long hair, grabbing onto the surprisingly soft strands.  
  
For a moment it was amazing, the pressure relieved and oil on the fire burning inside of him at the same time and then the feeling of Jared over him, around him, pinning him down, it made something inside of Jensen snap.  
  
He bit down hard on Jared's lip and pushed against his chest, while his hips were still raised up, trying to get friction.  
  
“Ow, shit!” Jared pushed himself up on his hands and looked at Jensen, still panting hard and hand to his bleeding lip.  
  
“Oh god, I'm so sorry! I have no idea what-”  
  
Jared chuckled. “Yeah, you do. Inner cat, remember?”  
  
Jensen let his head fall back on the ground. “So what? I want to make out with you, but my _inner cat_ won't let me?”  
  
“Seems like it,” Jared said and sat back on his hunches, eyes gliding hungrily over Jensen's body. “Damn.”  
  
Jensen was still hard, still wanted and he made a decision. He didn't know where the courage came from, but his body was thrumming, charged up, and he just knew that he wasn't going to let his life be decided by some stupid four thousand year old instincts, put in place by extinct gods.  
  
“Screw this.” He sat up and leaned in to kiss Jared.  
  
When Jared didn't move, just stared at him, he stopped. The insecurity suddenly came back and he remembered, that even though he apparently would be able turn into a cat soon, he was still Jensen. He was still the same skinny, short, awkward guy.  
  
Jared didn't seem to care though, because at that moment he caught on and kissed Jensen.  
  
Jensen pushed the worries back and lost himself in Jared; the feeling of his mouth on his, his hands roaming over his body.  
  
This time, Jared let himself fall back onto the ground, taking Jensen with him. And even though he could feel something inside of him still protesting, still bristling its fur, he was able to push it down now.  
  
He was lying on top of Jared, straddling his hips and the friction was back.  
  
They rubbed against each other and kissed messily and Jensen had no idea if their connection was at work here, or if his seventeen year old body was just reacting to finally feeling another body under it. He felt his orgasm tingling at the base of his spine way too soon and he wanted this to last, needed to think unsexy thoughts.  
  
But then Jared's big hands slid down on his back and onto his ass, gripped him tight and Jensen came with a muffled moan.  
  
“Shit,” Jared cursed under him, then his hips bucked wildly and his whole body tensed.  
  
Jensen stayed where he was, breathing heavily, wet stickiness in his pants. It was kind of gross, but he felt way too satisfied to move.  
  
“Damn,” Jared drawled out, Texas twang stealing itself into the word. “Just as good as I remembered.”  
  
The words were like a cold shower. Jensen jumped off of Jared, ignoring the feeling of wetness in his pants.  
  
“What?” Jared was still lying on his back, clothes and hair rumpled, wet patch at the front of his jeans. It shouldn't have looked as hot as it did.  
  
“Jen, what is it?”  
  
Jensen just shook his head. Somehow with all this new information, he had completely forgotten that he had a crush on Jared, but Jared only wanted him because he was Bastet's child.  
  
And Jared had wanted him from the beginning. It all made sense now, Jared showing up at the diner, talking to him, trying to invite him to parties, and god how dense could one person be?  
  
“Jen, you're scaring me here.”  
  
Jensen turned to Jared who was getting up from the ground with effortless grace. Well, he was a freaking _cat_.  
  
“You were after me from the moment I came here, weren't you? I mean, the talking and the eating in the diner, and the party, you actually wanted to invite me.”  
  
Jared grinned. “Glad you're finally catching on, kitten.”  
  
“Don't call me that!” Jensen hissed and Jared looked taken aback.  
  
“You- god, I'm so stupid!”  
  
Jared looked to be completely lost. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Jensen tried to get himself under control, but the emotions that had been so hard to control the last couple of weeks were all over the place.  
  
“You want me because I'm a cat! Because I'm the Holy Grail of freaking cats!”  
  
“I don't-”  
  
“No, of course you don't,” Jensen said, and he could hear the bitterness in his voice.  
  
He heard Jared walk closer, felt himself bristle, and when Jared's hand touched his shoulder, he didn’t hold back, he let his newly found instincts take over and lash out.  
  
“Ow! Jen, what the fuck?”  
  
There were three long scratches across Jared’s arm and the sight was weirdly satisfying, but painful at the same time.  
  
“You want me because of what I am, what I'm gonna turn into. Because of what we had in the past. You want me because we were made to be together and I-” Jensen huffed. “I just have a crush on you. The now-you. And yeah, the dreams helped, but-”  
  
Jensen turned around. He couldn't look at Jared.  
  
It was quiet in the clearing for a moment, but Jensen could feel Jared's presence behind him.  
  
Then Jared let out a harsh laugh. “That's what has your panties in a twist?”  
  
Jensen swirled around. “You think it's funny?”  
  
Jared just shook his head. “Jensen, don’t you get it? We’re _not_ soulmates. We’re _not_ destined to be together. Sure, there are all these memories, but I don’t have to go after you. I could go after any beta I wanted. But I don’t want to chase anyone else, I want only you!”  
  
“But Jared, you don't want me! The now-me, I mean. You only know our memories and that's what you want and that's not me!”  
  
“Well then give me a chance to get to know the now-you. Go out with me.”  
  
Jared was looking at him steadily, shoulders squared and not an ounce of insecurity and doubt anywhere on his face.  
  
“You're serious.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Jensen's mind was whirling again. A date. Jared wanted to go on a date with him. “But. But we're in Texas!”  
  
“I so don't give a shit.”  
  
“But the guys from school, your friends, the team!”  
  
Jared's eyebrows rose up higher. “I. Don't. Give. A. Damn. So, tonight? Dinner and a movie.”  
  
And really, how was Jensen supposed to say anything but yes, when his mind was still going a mile a minute, simultaneously trying not to freak out, while processing all of the craziness.  
  
  
  
Eight hours later, and Jensen was pacing his room nervously.  
  
He was going to go on a date with Jared. Dinner and a movie. In Bumfuck, Texas. And apparently Jared didn't give a damn about possible repercussions and consequences.  
  
Okay, well, that was – well he didn't know exactly what he thought about that. He also wasn't sure if Jared really wanted to go out with him because of him or because of their past.  
  
Jensen snorted at his own naivety. Of course Jared was only interested in him because of their past. He probably wouldn't even have noticed Jensen without that.  
  
With a sigh, Jensen sat down on his bed. This was so fucked up.  
  
There was knock on his door and then his mom poked her head in. “Jensen? I was thinking about making some dinner.”  
  
“Uhm, yeah.” In all this mess he hadn't even thought about his mom. “Sorry, but I'm going out for dinner tonight.”  
  
Her face lit up. “Oh. Do you have a date?”  
  
Jensen nodded. This was a small town, so she'd know sooner or later. “Yeah, actually.”  
  
“That's good. What's his name?”  
  
“Jared,” he said before he realized what his mom just said. “You know?”  
  
She gave him a small smile. “Of course I do.” She walked over and sat down next to Jensen on the bed. “Look, I know that I'm not always the best mom, and I let you down way to much, but you're still my son and I know you.”  
  
Jensen looked at his mother more carefully then. She looked good. Better than in a long time. There was color on her cheeks and she had a new haircut, something less flashy (or trashy) than before. Her clothes were different too, more respectable somehow.  
  
She hugged him and pressed a kiss to his hair. “I don't tell you this nearly enough, but I'm so proud of you, honey. You're so smart and responsible and you’re growing up into such a handsome young man.”  
  
The last time his mother had talked to him like that, he'd been in fifth grade.  
  
“Mom, what's going on?”  
  
“What do you mean?” she asked innocently, but Jensen saw her eyes shift.  
  
“I don't know, but the last time you talked like that, you-”  
  
“Oh, Jensen!” she interrupted him. “Can't I just be happy? We're in a new town with new friends. I have a good job and you have a date. So I'm happy and affectionate with my son, what's wrong with that?”  
  
And Jensen wasn't sure, because his mom wasn't drunk and looked better than ever, but something was rubbing him the wrong way. And with his mom it was always better to be safe.  
  
“I just want to know if there's a specific reason you're so happy.”  
  
“Nothing specific, honey. Our life is just finally looking up.” And there it was again, that shift in her eyes.  
  
But before Jensen could ask, there was a knock on the door.  
  
“Oh, that must be your date!” his mom exclaimed and got up.  
  
Jensen followed her to the door. And he didn't know why he was so nervous, Jared meeting his mom paled in comparison to all the other things in his life, but he still was.  
  
His mom opened the door and there was Jared, tall and broad-shouldered, his hair all over the place and a charming grin on his face.  
  
“Hi Mrs. Ackles,” he said and offered her his hand. “I'm Jared. So nice to meet you.”  
  
Jensen didn't know if he wanted to gape or laugh. Jared was being so _polite_.  
  
“Oh please,” his mom said, trying to sound casual, but Jensen could see the blush on her cheeks. “Call me Nancy.”  
  
Jared smiled and then looked at Jensen. “Ready?”  
  
Jensen just nodded and grabbed his keys. He let his mom kiss his cheek – and when was the last time she had done that? – and then went with Jared.  
  
They left through the backdoor and there was an old truck parked there.  
  
“So,” Jared asked when they were sitting inside, “food or movie first?”  
  
Jensen felt his stomach growl and Jared laughed. “Yeah, the growth spurt before the transformation is a bitch. Let's get you some food first.”  
  
Well, that answered one of Jensen's questions. His new-found appetite and his growth spurt were normal. Normal for him, anyway.  
  
He'd had some time to think things through this afternoon and make a mental list of questions. He couldn't wait to interrogate Jared over dinner.  
  
  
Jared took them to a little Italian restaurant, one of the better places in town and as soon as they had sat down, Jared started questioning him. He wanted to know everything about Jensen, where he had lived, what books and music and movies he liked, if he liked sports and what his favorite food was.  
  
So while they were waiting for their dinner they kept the conversation light and on inconsequential topics.  
  
When the waitress came with their food, Jensen had a short moment of disbelief.  
  
“We didn't really order all that did we?”  
  
Jared eyed the two pizzas, the breadsticks, the salad and the huge dish of pasta, before looking back at Jensen.  
  
“You need it, you're way too skinny.”  
  
Jensen looked down, he knew that obviously, but it still hurt, hearing it like that. Hearing that Jared thought he was too skinny. Which he was, so it was really ridiculous for him to feel this way.  
  
“Hey,” Jared said softly when their waitress had disappeared. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that you're growing faster and the transformation takes up a lot of energy so you need to eat more. You're still hot as fuck.”  
  
Jensen's head snapped up and for a moment he just stared at Jared, unsure what to say. Jared just grinned unrepentantly and put half a breadstick in his mouth.  
  
“Eek gefore ik get cohd.”  
  
Jensen just shook his head and started to eat.  
  
Between the two of them, they had no problems finishing all the food and Jared even insisted on ordering dessert. The tiramisu was delicious, but Jensen put his foot down at being spoon fed. He had the creeping suspicion that being the beta was somehow going to make him the girl in the relationship. And while he had no problem with being on the receiving end – his dreams showed him every night just how hot that could be – he could do without all the other stereotypes.  
  
Unfortunately, Jared sneakily paid the check before Jensen could even offer to split the bill, so he just scowled and said, “I'm paying for the movie.”  
  
Jared seemed surprised for a moment, but then nodded.  
  
They walked to the cinema and on the way, Jensen finally got to ask Jared some questions about himself. They might have chatted some in class, but he virtually knew nothing about Jared’s life.  
  
So Jared told him how his parents died when he was too young to remember and how he grew up with his uncle Jim and started helping out in his auto shop before he could even ride a bike.  
  
When they got to the theater, Jensen paid and Jared didn't protest although he persisted in at least buying the popcorn, since they were getting the biggest portion available.  
  
There were a couple of kids from school, and Jared said hi, but made no attempt to have a conversation with them or even sit with them. They got a few weird looks and Jensen heard their chatter across the whole entrance hall, but he did his best to ignore it. As soon as they reached the hall, Jared dragged Jensen up to the last row.  
  
They spent the commercials and previews eating popcorn and mocking the new releases, but as soon as the theater went dark, something changed.  
  
Jensen was all too aware of Jared sitting next to him in the darkness and when the movie was quiet, he thought he could hear Jared's heart beat.  
  
About half-way through the movie, Jared took his hand and Jensen lost even his last shred of concentration.  
  
His skin was buzzing and he could feel his emotions stirring, this new part of him trying to push Jared away. Jensen tried rigorously to push it down, but between his internal struggle and Jared' s proximity he had no idea what was going on in the movie.  
  
Jared seemed equally uninterested and just as something big exploded across the screen he leaned over and kissed Jensen.  
  
Jensen couldn't really say he way surprised – they were sitting in the last row after all – but that contradictory feeling in his chest came out in full force and he drew back, panting harshly.  
  
Jared looked down and drew in a deep breath.  
  
“Sorry,” he said, voice hoarse, “it’s just...” He looked up and gave Jensen an embarrassed smirk.  
  
Jensen just nodded and for the rest of the movie they just held hands.  
  
The ride home was oddly quiet, even though Jensen still had a million questions. But the air between them felt calmer somehow and when Jared dropped him off and gave him a soft kiss goodnight, the voice inside of him was almost silent.  
  
His mom wasn't home when he entered the apartment and Jensen got a soda out of the fridge and just sat on the couch, replaying the day over and over in his head.  
  
Suddenly he was bone tired and he just took off his sweater and his shoes and curled himself into the soft cushions of the sofa.  
  
He wondered briefly what he'd dream about tonight, before sleep pulled him under.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the gross misrepresentation of Egyptian mythology. I stole some names and attributes, but basically I made up my own version of it. Don’t go looking for scholarly accuracy, you’re not gonna find it here.


	5. Chapter 5

When Jensen woke up, he felt like crap. He'd thought that knowing what all the dreams were about would help, but he was wrong. Last night had presented him with another vivid and fierce historical adventure, this time set somewhere in Ancient Rome.  
  
And really, turning into a cat in front of 50,000 people, fighting side by side with Jared against gladiators, and culminating in Jared claiming him in front of the whole city, had been hot as fuck. But it had also made it clear once again that their mating really only ran on instincts here.  
  
Sure, their date yesterday had been nice, but Jensen still wasn't sure how this would turn out in school. It was high-school after all. He wanted to trust Jared, he really did, but an openly gay relationship in a Texan high school where the most important things were football and basketball? He didn't think so.  
  
He paddled to school slower than usual, but he still had almost five minutes until the bell rang.  
  
Jared was hanging out with Chris and the guys as usual, but as soon as he saw Jensen, he jogged over to the bike racks.  
  
“Morning,” Jared said, smiling widely and then he bent down and kissed him. On the mouth. In front of the whole parking lot.  
  
At first Jensen was too stunned to do something about it, and when he finally got his shit together and started pulling back to say something, Jared just pushed his tongue into his mouth and gripped him tight.  
  
Jared was kissing him in the parking lot with tongue.  
  
When he eventually drew back and Jensen managed to breathe, he heard the catcalls of the football team from the other side of the parking lot.  
  
Jared raised his arm to show them the finger, but he never took his eyes off Jensen.  
  
“Sleep well?”  
  
“Not really,” Jensen said and it came out bitchier than intended. “Ancient Rome isn't really all that relaxing.”  
  
“Huh. Never had that dream.”  
  
And suddenly Jensen was curious. He wanted to know if Jared dreamed the same stuff, if he remembered things differently.  
  
“So, what do you dream about?”  
  
Jared raised an eyebrow. “You wanna compare notes?”  
  
“I, well, I don't know, I just...” Jensen trailed off, not quite knowing what to say. He had no idea, what this thing with Jared was, no idea how to act, but Jared just put a hand against his face and stroked a thumb along his cheek bone.  
  
“Hey, we can totally do that okay? We should just maybe go to class first. Your first lesson is Spanish, right?”  
  
Jensen nodded and before he could say anything else, Jared took his hand. Jensen had a moment to stare at their entwined fingers – Jared’s so much longer and darker than his, his large hand engulfing Jensen’s smaller one, the leather bracelet around his wrist – and then Jared dragged him into the building.  
  
Jensen saw the stares, but Jared seemed unbothered. He walked Jensen to his classroom, leaned down to press a soft kiss to his mouth and with a wink and a “See you later, Jen!” he went off to his own classroom.  
  
Jensen was still completely floored that Jared treated him like a boyfriend, no hesitation or secrecy whatsoever, when Rachel plopped down in the chair next to him.  
  
“So, finally got your man?”  
  
“How do you know already? I just got here like five minutes ago.”  
  
Rachel smirked. “Well, Jared showed up about fifteen minutes ago and he was smiling so bright, Chad asked him if he finally got any and Jared punched him in the face and said you guys were dating.”  
  
Jensen stared at Rachel. “He said that?”  
  
“Yeah. Isn't it true?”  
  
Jensen had no idea what they were, and whether a werecat chasing another one based on a four thousand year old ritual could be considered dating, but he couldn't keep himself from smiling.  
  
“I think so,” he said, and it was only then that it really sank in.  
  
Jared wanted to date him. Publicly. Jensen had a boyfriend who just happened to be the hottest guy to ever walk the earth.  
  
“Crap,” Jensen said.  
  
Rachel laughed and patted his shoulder. “Don't worry, Jensen, it's gonna be fine. The school will only gossip about this until Chad's next scandal, and they will stop staring at you as soon as the next girl gets knocked up.”  
  
Oh god. He let his head fall onto the table.  
  
“Kill me now,” he said, but Rachel just laughed again.  
  
  
The stares and the whispers continued. Mostly people just seemed curious, but there were a couple of girls who shot him dirty looks and a couple of guys who looked outright hostile. No one said anything directly to him though, and Jensen chalked that up to Jared's reputation.  
  
Anna tried to make him give her the scoop for her blog and Misha just hugged him, before staring him straight in the eyes and saying solemnly, “Don't get burned, my friend.”  
  
Jensen wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but he promised he wouldn't anyway.  
  
  
His last class before lunch was over before the bell rang, so they were among the first students in the cafeteria. Jared excused himself, he had to talk something over with the basketball coach, but he'd join Jensen later. With another kiss he was gone.  
  
Jensen sat down at his usual table with his people. He wasn't sure how this thing with Jared would affect seating order and he wasn't sure about the right protocol either. He felt strangely out of depth, not knowing how to act around Jared or what this meant for him. Jensen had never been in a freaking relationship.  
  
He wouldn't have needed to worry though, because just after the bell rang, Jared showed up right next to him, dumped his backpack next to Jensen and eyed his plate critically.  
  
“That's all you're gonna eat?”  
  
Jensen looked at his plate, eyed the burger, the fries and the apple and looked questioningly at Jared.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Jared just shook his head and turned around. He walked back to the serving counter, but didn't get in line. He just walked up to the kid standing in the front of the line and heaped more food on his tray. Then he gave the kid some money and took his stuff off after the checkout.  
  
Back at Jensen’s table, he put another portion of fries and a salad on Jensen's plate and sat down with an exaggerated sigh.  
  
“Be glad I'm such an amazing boyfriend.”  
  
And then he just started to eat.  
  
The kids at the table stared for a moment, before they continued eating. Jensen stared a bit himself, before he managed to get out a “thank you” and started on his own food.  
  
If Jared noticed the looks and the hesitation from the students at the table, he didn't say anything. Instead he snarfed down his own giant portion of food and then started to draw Misha into a conversation about Russian politics in the Cold War. Apparently they were assigned to do a history project together.  
  
After lunch, Jared insisted on walking him to class again.  
  
“We have like fifteen minutes before class starts,” Jensen protested, but Jared just took his hand and dragged him off.  
  
“I know, but I wanna show you something.”  
  
They walked down a mainly deserted corridor until Jared suddenly opened a door and pushed Jensen inside.  
  
“What-”  
  
“Shhh,” Jared said and put a finger against his lips, before drawing him tight against his body. “We gotta be quiet. But I couldn't wait any longer.”  
  
Before Jensen got a chance to ask 'for what' Jared kissed him. Jensen was standing in the janitor closet, getting kissed. He had a moment to wonder what kind of cliché his life had turned into, but then Jared's tongue swept against his bottom lip and Jensen opened his mouth to let him in.  
  
It was hot and insistent, and just as good as the last time. The recalcitrance inside of him was quiet now, still there, but much less prominent, so Jensen let himself go.  
  
He wrapped his arms around Jared and kissed back.  
  
Jared made an appreciative moan and his hands wandered lower, pushing Jensen’s backpack off his shoulders and then gripping his ass. He spun them around and suddenly Jensen was with his back to the door and Jared started grinding their hips together. And that was apparently too much for Jensen's new feline instincts.  
  
He heard himself growl, felt his fingernails digging into Jared's neck and then he turned, taking Jared with him and pressing him into the door.  
  
Jared grinned into his mouth. “Don't like having your back against the wall?”  
  
“Apparently not.”  
  
“Okay. That's okay. Just – shit, Jen, don't stop.”  
  
Jensen had really no intention of doing that. Jared's firm body pressing against him, all those tight muscles and then of course, Jared's hard dick rubbing against his own. This time he wanted more than just a mutual coming in their pants.  
  
He reached between their bodies and started fumbling with Jared's pants.  
  
“Yeah. Gods, fuck yeah, here lemme-”  
  
Jensen swatted Jared's hand way. “I'm capable of opening a pair of pants.”  
  
“Sheesh, you're prissy today,” Jared mumbled into Jensen's hair.  
  
“Yeah, well, I had a crappy night, people have been staring at me the whole day because you wanna do the whole PDA thing, and I'm still trying to cope with the Egyptian cat goddess thingy.”  
  
The button was finally open and Jensen was able to push his hand down Jared's boxers. The angle was weird, but Jared still moaned and let his head thunk back against the door.  
  
“I'm really sorry about that, kitten, but I'm not gonna keep my hands off of you because people are assholes. They'll deal.”  
  
Jared's voice was breathless, which did all kinds of things to Jensen, but that pet name...  
  
He leaned forward and started nibbling on Jared's neck.  
  
“Don't call me stupid pet names,” he murmured and bit down hard into Jared's shoulder.  
  
“Ow, dammit. Okay, okay, no more pet names.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
Jensen stretched up, he was still only just clearing Jared's shoulders with his eyes, and Jared leaned down and they kissed again, hot and insistent.  
  
Jared reached down between their bodies, his hand bumping into Jensen's and then Jared fumbled his pants open and rubbed Jensen through the thin fabric of his boxers.  
  
It felt so good, the pressure on his own dick and the feel of Jared, so hot and hard in his hand.  
  
Jared was panting heavily into his ear, and it was all because of Jensen. The thought made him almost giddy, but that was drowned out by pure lust, when Jared pushed his hands inside Jensen’s boxers and starting jerking his bare dick.  
  
Jensen hadn't thought that another hand could feel so much better, but there was just something about this hand – Jared’s hand – on his skin that completely hit it out of the park.  
  
He felt the pressure build and Jared was gripping him tighter, biting at his lip and speeding up the strokes of his hand and twisting at the top.  
  
“Fuck, Jen, so close. C'mon, kitten-”  
  
Jensen bit down again, but with the next twist of Jared's hand he came hard, spurting all over their shirts and pants and Jared followed close behind.  
  
They stood there, in the janitor's closet, come all over their clothes, slightly sweaty and panting, and it was such a stupid cliché, but somehow it made Jensen ridiculously happy.  
  
“Would love to stay here with you, but we should clean up,” Jared said, still talking into Jensen's hair. His breath sent once again shivers down Jensen's back, but he couldn't decide if they were of the aroused or bitchy variety this time.  
  
So Jensen drew back and searched his backpack for tissues.  
  
  
When he walked into the gym hall for PE, he thought everyone knew. He didn't know how, but it was just a feeling, he’d made out with Jared in the the janitor’s closet and now people just knew.  
  
He didn't quite know how he felt about that. He didn't want them to stare and whisper, Jensen had never really enjoyed being the center of attention, but something about all these people knowing that Jared was his – it felt good.  
  
  
After their last class Jared wanted to spend time with him, but Jensen needed to finish his homework and then go to the diner. Jared gave a long suffering sigh, but saw him off with a long kiss and when Chris whistled from his truck, Jared just gave him the finger.  
  
Jensen rode home, but the fluttering in his stomach remained. How he managed to concentrate on his homework he didn’t know, but when he looked at the kitchen clock he saw that he'd taken way longer than he thought and was almost late for work.  
  
When he got down to the diner, Jared was sitting in the corner booth, his own homework spread out in front of him.  
  
“Hey, you okay? You’re late.”  
  
Jensen was still slightly flustered that Jared was just there. “Er, yeah, lost track of time. What are you doing here?”  
  
“Homework.” Jared pulled a face and held up his math book.  
  
“Since when do you do your homework in the diner?”  
  
Jared gave Jensen a big grin, the one with full dimple exposure. “Since my hot-ass boyfriend works here and I don't get to see him otherwise.”  
  
“Oh.” Jensen had not expected that.  
  
“Yeah. You might wanna start working though, Mike's already giving you the stink eye.”  
  
“Crap!”  
  
And with that, Jensen started work. If he'd feared that Jared would distract him, he was wrong. Well, not intentionally anyway. Jared just being here, sitting in the booth in his usual good-looking way, was distraction enough, but he behaved and didn't try to bother Jensen.  
  
When Jensen was done, he got himself a plate from the kitchen and joined Jared in the booth. Jared had abandoned his homework quite a while ago in favor of pulling out his laptop and surfing the net.  
  
“Can’t believe you're still here,” Jensen mumbled around his burger.  
  
“Well, I kinda hoped I could walk you home.”  
  
“Walk me home?” Jensen stared incredulously at Jared. “Dude, I live upstairs.”  
  
“I know.” Jared smirked in that dark way that always sent shivers down Jensen's spine. “I was kinda hoping you'd invite me in for a coffee or something.”  
  
“What? So you waited here for five hours just so you could get some?”  
  
Jared grinned even wider. “Can you blame me?” His eyes wandered down Jensen’s body in a way that made him flush all over. At the same time he felt his annoyance rise up.  
  
“I'm not your booty call or your plaything or whatever.”  
  
“Whoa, hey.” Jared raised his hands placatingly. “That's not how I meant it. It's just that you're really fucking hot and earlier today was a bit rushed, so I thought, you know, we could take a little more time tonight.”  
  
“And if I don’t want to?” Jensen crossed his arms over his chest and rigorously tried to ignore his dick that had taken a sudden interest when Jared had brought up their tryst in the closet.  
  
“Then you don’t. I still wanna spend time with you though. If you want to, that is.”  
  
For the first time Jared looked a little bit insecure. He was actually looking at Jensen with a hopeful expression and Jensen just melted. It wasn't as if he didn't want to spend time with Jared.  
  
“Fine. But no getting frisky, or I throw you out.”  
  
“I won't touch you until you want me to. Deal?” Jared stretched his hand out and Jensen took it.  
  
The contact was electric and Jared's thumb slowly stroked over his hand.  
  
“Jared!” Jensen hissed and pulled his hand back.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. Keeping my hands to myself now.”  
  
And Jared did.  
  
When they got upstairs, the apartment was empty and they plopped down on the couch, turned on the TV and talked quietly with the television as background noise.  
  
They talked about school and work, Jared told him some more about his work in his uncle's junk yard and he told Jensen all the dirty deeds about their classmates that Jensen didn't know yet.  
  
At some point Jared took his hand and Jensen didn't fight it when their bodies just gravitated towards each other. He just leaned into Jared's chest, curling himself up in his embrace and he was pretty sure he started purring when Jared slowly worked his fingers through his hair.  
  
Jensen must have fallen asleep at some point because he abruptly woke up when Jared got up from the couch.  
  
“Hey sleepyhead. I think I should head home now, but I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”  
  
“Yeah, okay.” Jensen tried to get the sleep out of his eyes and to sit up.  
  
Jared just chuckled and leaned down to press a soft kiss to his lips. “You’re adorable when you're sleepy you know that? Such a cute, cuddly little kitten.”  
  
Jared didn't stop laughing when Jensen threw a pillow at him on his way out.  
  
He considered going to bed, but the couch was comfy and still warm from Jared's body and his smell was still clinging to the fabric. So Jensen buried his nose in one of the cushions and fell asleep again.  
  
  
The dreams continued and Jensen feared he'd be getting serious backlash some day from jumping through history like he was driving a malfunctioning DeLorean.  
  
His days were no less exhausting. Being with Jared was exhilarating, but it took up a lot of his time, and with school, all the clubs, homework and the diner, his days were packed. Jensen was also still growing – he'd had to take another trip to the Salvation Army store at reaching 5”9' – and it fucking hurt, an ache deep in his bones that never really went away.  
  
Jared was watching him like a hawk and whenever it got too bad, he pulled Jensen down on the next available flat surface and started rubbing his shoulders and massaging his hands. He didn't care if they were in the lunch room or at Jensen's place, and Jensen usually stopped caring after the first few seconds, because Jared’s hands were just magical.  
  
The school dealt surprisingly well with their relationship, especially when Chad was caught with his pants around his ankles, a senior cheerleader blowing him behind the bleachers and becoming the new number one gossip item.  
  
Chad walked around the school like someone had crowned him the king of the world and the girl didn't dare to show her face.  
  
“How come guys still can fuck everything that walks and get clapped on the shoulder for it and girls get labeled as the slut?” Rachel asked over lunch and shot Chad an annoyed look.  
  
Somehow Jared's inner circle had migrated with him to Jensen's table and they were now a colorful mix of jocks and cheerleaders, nerds and geeks.  
  
“Because we still live in a patriarchal, male-dominated society, that is experiencing cultural backlash due to the feminist movement. Humans apparently still can’t not live in a binary society that makes stark distinctions between male and female, and in a time where women are almost equal in every aspect of the law and are invading formerly male-exclusive domains, society has to find other ways to make the differences clear, including assigning stricter gender appropriate clothing, speech and behavior.”  
  
Everyone at the table stared at Misha, who was looking at them as if he hadn't just delivered a college-level speech on equality.  
  
“Wow,” Rachel breathed out and there was something in the way she was looking at Misha. “Where have you been all my life?”  
  
Misha blushed a bit and shrugged his shoulders. “On the bottom of the food chain with the other nerds.”  
  
Rachel just stared and Jensen could practically feel the awkwardness seeping into the air.  
  
Then Jared suddenly laughed. “And where do we fit in in that theory?” he asked and slung and arm around Jensen  
  
“Oh, you are abominations, of course,” Misha said matter-of-factly. “You will bring down the whole system with your big epic rainbow love and people will die by unicorns and explode into glitter clouds. And then the world will be a colorful and happy place.”  
  
“God, you are weird,” Gen said, staring at Misha. “I think I like you.”  
  
The rest of the table laughed and started discussing unicorns in various contexts and Jensen leaned into Jared and buried his nose in his neck.  
  
“Thanks for that.”  
  
“You're welcome,” Jared murmured, too quiet for anyone else to hear. “Misha's a good guy. And who knows, maybe he actually has a shot here.”  
  
Yeah, who knew. After all, stranger things had happened.  
  
  
The following weeks, they spend a lot of time together, and while it involved a lot of handholding, cuddling and kissing, Jared heeded his warning and didn't try to take it anywhere near second base. Jensen wasn’t sure why exactly he wanted to take it slower than a snail. Maybe it was his inner cat telling him not to, or maybe because he wanted to see if they were compatible besides the physical attraction.  
  
So far, it seemed like it. They shared some taste in music, books and movies and when they argued, it was good-natured ribbing, never of the serious kind.  
  
Jensen already knew that Jared was smarter than he let on in class, and even though he was sometimes annoyed with Jared’s blasé attitude, it wasn't really a deal breaker.  
  
And even though he could tell that Jared was sometimes bored by his rants about the environment and politics, he still always listened, gave him his thoughts on the matter, and bitched with him when required. Like a good boyfriend was supposed to.  
  
Sometimes, when Jensen couldn't help but stare at Jared, couldn't help but lean in closer, kiss him deeper, Jared didn't say anything. He just gave Jensen the one-dimpled smile and let him do whatever he liked without pushing. And Jensen appreciated that, he really did, but he couldn't help but wonder where that burning attraction had gone, Jared had claimed to have for him.  
  
  
On a Friday, Jared came to school in his own truck and after class, they drove out to the junkyard. Usually Chris, the only one living farther out than Jared, gave him a lift to school, but Jared had wanted Jensen to see where he lived and he would need to drive him home tonight.  
  
So Jensen met Jim, Jared’s uncle, a gruff but kind older guy, who cooked a mean steak. Apparently he was used to Jared eating like he did, and he didn’t raise an eyebrow at the food Jensen snarfed down. Afterward they went out into the lot, because Jared still had some work to do.  
  
Jensen decided to do one of his reading assignments for history, but then Jared took off his shirt, leaving him only with a tight wife-beater. Jensen tried not to stare.  
  
He tried valiantly to concentrate when Jared disappeared under the car on a creeper, only his long legs and groin visible.  
  
Jensen so didn't stare. And he certainly didn't drool when Jared came up twenty minutes later, sweaty and dirty all over, a bright grin on his face.  
  
“Jared,” Jensen managed to croak out, his body suddenly hot all over.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“If you, you know, want to touch me, you can. Now.”  
  
Jared was on him faster than he could blink, both hands curling around Jensen’s hips.  
  
“If I'd know this would turn your crank I would've brought you out here ages ago.”  
  
Jensen laughed, but then Jared kissed him, mouth working harshly against his own and tongue pushing in, and he couldn't help but open his mouth.  
  
Jared's hands wandered under his shirt and his lips trailed away from his mouth, down his neck.  
  
“Is this okay? Shit, Jen please tell me this is-”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, it's, don't stop, okay?”  
  
“Never,” Jared said and lifted Jensen up, spun him around and then Jensen felt the cold metal of the car at the back of his legs and his ass, and Jared pushed him up on the hood.  
  
Jensen's legs just fell apart and Jared stepped between them, pressing himself against Jensen’s body.  
  
Jensen could feel Jared’s hard dick through their jeans and his own responded in kind.  
  
They were kissing messily, tongues exploring mouths and Jared's lips wandered lower again, as if he couldn't decide which part of Jensen to kiss.  
  
Jensen held on to Jared's shoulder and got another hand on his firm ass.  
  
Their dicks were rubbing together, and the friction was so fucking good, everything narrowing down to where their bodies were connected.  
  
Jared's hand slipped between their bodies then, ripping first Jensen's pants open and then his own.  
  
The pleasure intensified, now that there was only thin cotton between them, and Jensen could feel the dampness of his own precome mixed with Jared’s.  
  
Jared wanted to push him down on the car then, but Jensen wasn't having that, he pushed himself against Jared harder, undulating his body and rubbing their dicks together and the way Jared was grinding against him took on a desperate edge.  
  
“Shit, Jen, need, fuck!”  
  
Jensen just moaned and bit into his neck, nosing up behind his ear, nibbling on the spot there, suddenly knowing this was where he had to go and Jared let out a low groan and clutched him even tighter. There was no space between them, no air left and Jensen was getting lightheaded.  
  
He could feel the pressure build and the only way to relieve it was to get closer to Jared, to get more, just – he buried his claws in Jared's back, pulling the alpha in tighter, licking over his skin and gulping down his taste.  
  
“Fuck! Gods, kitten, gonna – gonna kill me.”  
  
Jared voice was rough and broken, and it finally sent Jensen over the edge. His head fell back when the pressure rushed through his body, his release making him boneless and Jared holding him was the only thing keeping him on the car.  
  
“So fucking beautiful,” Jared breathed out and then Jensen could feel him tense and shudder, rubbing against him, warm wetness spreading between their legs.  
  
“We really need to stop coming in our pants,” Jensen murmured into Jared's neck.  
  
Jared straightened up, breathing still labored and raised and eyebrow at him. “And who's fault is that?”  
  
Just like that Jensen’s orgasmic bliss was gone and he pushed Jared off. “Fuck you. And I told you not to call me stupid pet names.”  
  
Jared just drew him in again and kissed his head. “I'm not complaining, kitten, you are. And you better get used to the pet name, as long as you behave like one.”  
  
“I'm not-” Jensen started to protest, but Jared shut him up with a kiss. “Yeah, you are. And I love every second of it. Now let's go inside and clean up. I think I have some old boxers you can borrow.”  
  
Jensen grumbled all the way back to the house, but Jared was holding his hand and dragging him along, and as soon as they were in Jared's room, he got another long and intense kiss before Jared started rummaging around in his dresser, so Jensen swallowed his remarks down.  
  
After all, if being called kitten was the only thing bothering him, he thought he got a pretty good deal. Especially when Jared just dropped his pants and boxers to pull on some fresh ones.  
  
“See something you like, kitten?”  
  
Oh yeah, very good deal.  
  
  
On the weekend, he and Jared headed out into the forest. Jared said something about letting his inner cat out and Jensen guessed he should have anticipated it, but it still threw him when Jared got naked and then shifted into the giant jaguar.  
  
Jared stretched and rolled around the forest floor until suddenly freezing, staring at Jensen and lowering himself to the ground.  
  
Something fluttered in Jensen's stomach and he took a few steps back.  
  
“Jared, what are you-”  
  
Jared pounced. With two giant leaps he was on Jensen and threw him to the ground. His fall was cushioned by a patch of mossy ground and Jensen’s reaction was instant and instinctive.  
  
He got his arms up and twisted under Jared and then they were wrestling around, play-fighting with Jared trying to lick his face and Jensen trying to fend him of.  
  
When Jared's cold nose wandered lower and pushed under Jensen's shirt, his whiskers tickling Jensen’s skin, he finally cried uncle.  
  
He thought he could see Jared smiling at him before the large cat curled up around him and put his head in his lap, demanding ear scratches in no uncertain terms. When Jensen obliged, Jared started to purr.  
  
They lay like that for a while until suddenly Jared’s ears perked up. He scanned the surrounding area and then suddenly jumped up and vanished through the bushes before Jensen had fully comprehended what was happening.  
  
“Yeah, sure, just run off and do your cat thing. I'll be waiting here...”  
  
Jensen sighed and walked over to his backpack, but just when he'd gotten his book out, Jared was back, a dead squirrel in his jaws.  
  
“Jared! What the hell?”  
  
Jared just dropped the little animal to the ground and started eating it.  
  
“Dude, you're so gross!”  
  
Jared just shot him a dark look and continued devouring the squirrel. And as much as Jensen was disgusted and wanted to look away, he was morbidly fascinated by the sight.  
  
He remembered how he had once lain here in this forest and squirrels had made his mouth water. Jared definitely needed to explain a bit more about their 'inner cats'.  
  
When Jared was done, he licked his jaws and cleaned his paws, before he shifted back.  
  
“Don't look so appalled, kitten, sometimes our animal just demands to be satisfied.”  
  
Jared walked over to his clothes as naked as the day he was born, and Jensen was momentarily distracted.  
  
“Yeah, but going out and killing squirrels,,.”  
  
“Well,” Jared said and pulled his pants up, “a deer would've been better, but I don't think you would've wanted to wait that long.”  
  
“A deer,” Jensen repeated.  
  
“Yeah. A squirrel isn't exactly a full meal, you know. More like an appetizer.”  
  
“Yeah, sure, squirrel appetizer.” Jensen shook his head and Jared just laughed and walked over to him.  
  
“Don't worry, as soon as you shift you'll understand.”  
  
Jared leaned down to kiss him – it seemed with every two inches Jensen grew, Jared grew one, and the difference between them shrunk only slowly – and Jensen tilted his head up. Their lips met and it was perfect until Jared opened his mouth.  
  
“Eww!” Jensen exclaimed and pushed Jared away, wiping his mouth. “Squirrel breath. You're not getting anymore kisses until you brush your teeth!”  
  
“Well then we should definitely head back,” Jared said and grabbed Jensen's backpack. “C'mon kitten. I need some real food.”  
  
Jensen followed Jared out of the forest, wondering how he would feel, when he'd be the one eating a squirrel.  
  
  
Jensen had seen virtually nothing of his mom over the past weeks and he suspected she wasn't spending the nights at home.  
  
Since she had evaded all questions about her current private life, Jensen was in a really foul mood when Jared came to 'pick him up' Thursday after work.  
  
They headed up to the apartment and Jensen headed straight for his room, getting out of the smelly diner clothes.  
  
“I'm gonna take a shower.”  
  
Jared leered at him. “Can I join you?”  
  
Jensen just threw his dirty shirt at him and headed into the bathroom.  
  
Feeling the hot water and washing the grime off his skin and out of his hair helped a bit and he was sure a couple of hours in Jared's arms would as well. Despite Jared driving him crazy a good part of the time, when it counted he had no problem being Jensen’s safe and – most importantly – quiet harbor.  
  
  
“Where's your mom?” Jared asked when Jensen came out of the bathroom.  
  
“Don't know. Probably with her boyfriend.”  
  
Jared looked up from the book he had picked up. “You don't want your mom to have a boyfriend?”  
  
Jensen plopped down on his bed. “Sure I do. I just want her, for once, to actually pick a decent guy.”  
  
“And she hasn't this time?” Jared asked and sat down next to him.  
  
“Well, I'm not sure, because she denies having one.”  
  
“Why would she do that?”  
  
“Best guess? Because he’s married.” There was no way Jensen could keep the bitterness and the hurt out of his voice.  
  
“Shit,” Jared breathed out.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Jensen didn't protest when Jared put an arm around his shoulder and drew him against his chest. “It'll be okay.”  
  
“Oh, sure it will. Yeah, because he loves her just as much as she loves him and he'll leave his wife for her and we'll be a new happy family and I’ll finally have a real daddy,” Jensen snorted.  
  
Jared drew back to look at him. “It could happen.”  
  
“No, Jared, it couldn't. Not like that. But I'm gonna tell you what _will_ happen. Someone will find out. Everybody will know. But instead of leaving his wife, the guy will crawl back home with his dick between his legs and grovel at his family's door until they let him back him. He will be so sorry, it was such a stupid mistake. People will talk about it, but then his wife will forgive him, they will have a talk with the Pastor and maybe couples therapy and he will do everything to look like the best husband and father in the world. And then people will look at my mom; the home wrecker, the cheap slut who just moved into town, the single, never-has-been-married 34 year old mother of a teenage son and everybody will know who's to blame.”  
  
Jensen felt Jared's hand rub over his back, but it didn't really help.  
  
“And they'll talk and bitch about her and at school- She will brave it for a week or two and then she'll load up the truck and we're out of here again.”  
  
“How often has this happened, Jen?” Jared's voice was soft and Jensen leaned in closer, curling himself into Jared's warmth.  
  
“Two times. That I know of.”  
  
Jared's arms tightened around his body. “I don't know what the fuck's gonna happen, but you're not leaving.”  
  
Jensen let out a bitter laugh. “Not really something I can decide.”  
  
Jared gave him a long look. “We'll see about that. Just, don't go crazy about this when you're not even sure.”  
  
“Okay,” Jensen mumbled, but deep down he already knew how this was going to turn out.  
  
  
But even though Jensen waited for the other shoe to drop, it didn't. School was good, he got along fine with people, things with Jared were more than good and work at the diner was nice.  
  
Sam still insisted on feeding him on the house, even when he wasn't working and he had formed a kind of friendship with Jeff, engaging in friendly banter whenever they shared the same shift. Jeff would tease about the things he didn't know because he was still a young grasshopper and Jensen retaliated by calling him an old man.  
  
Sam watched them with an indulgent smile on her lips and Jensen never said anything when she ruffled his hair like he still was a little kid.  
  
He got along well with Arleen and Alona, the other waitresses who usually shared his shifts. Arleen was the crazy aunt type and Alona felt like his little sister, even though she was at least five years older than him.  
  
Working in the diner with Sam And Jeff, it felt nice. Like a little family, with Mike the cook as the crazy uncle.  
  
  
Before he knew, Christmas was coming up, and Jensen and his mom got invited to Sam and Jeff's for their big annual dinner.  
  
Jared was ecstatic. “Dude, I go every year. Jim and Jeff are old friends and lemme tell you, the food is so awesome!”  
  
Jensen just smiled and went back to his homework. He didn't have a lot of stuff to do this close to the holidays, but Spanish was still kicking his ass, although he finally felt like he was getting the hang of it.  
  
And then suddenly it was the last day of school, and everybody said goodbye, even though they'd see each other over the holidays.  
  
Anna and Misha still insisted on hugging him and Jensen let them. It was nice actually, having friends again.  
  
The first days, Jensen and Jared were just lazy. Well, apart from the time Jensen served food and Jared fixed cars, of course.  
  
Once again, Jensen tried to talk to his mom about her whereabouts when she disappeared, but she brushed him off. She had definitely lost her good mood though, and the days leading up to Christmas she was sulky and snappish. Jensen avoided her as best as he could, and that feeling in his gut he'd been having, the one telling him something really bad was going to happen, it grew.  
  
When he came home from his shift on Christmas eve and his mom was passed out on the couch, a bottle of vodka resting against it, Jensen had to suppress the strong urge to bash his – or her – head against the wall, and scream out his frustration. Instead he called Jared and asked for phone sex.  
  
Jared choked out a confused “What?” and Jensen rolled his eyes.  
  
“I really need some loving here right now, so I'm gonna jerk off. You can just listen, or you can join in the fun.”  
  
He didn't need to ask twice and Jared talked him all the way through, voice getting lower and rougher, until he heard the telltale moan of his boyfriend's climax. Slightly comforted, Jensen fell asleep.  
  
The next morning his mom blocked the bathroom because she was busy getting all the vodka out of her system – she always took a night of drinking badly after a long time of abstinence – and so Jensen went to Christmas dinner alone.  
  
  
When Jensen excused his mom, Sam and Jeff exchanged a look laden with meaning, but they didn't say anything and Jensen was eternally grateful.  
  
Their home was nice and warm, a house filled with stuff and things, pictures on the walls and little knickknacks littering the surfaces. It was a house that had been lived in for years, by people who had filled it with their life and love. Jensen always got this sense of longing when he was in houses like this and after when he'd said hi to everyone – a long, warm hug heavy affair – he fled into the quiet of the deserted hallway.  
  
It was where Jared found him and wordlessly drew him in tight.  
  
For a moment, Jensen closed his eyes and just leaned into Jared's embrace. When he opened them again, he saw Sam standing in the doorway and smiling softly at them.  
  
“Dinner's ready boys. I just need a hand carrying all the stuff out.”  
  
“Sure,” Jensen said, pulling away from Jared. “I'll be-”  
  
“Oh no,” Sam cut him off. “You carry plates all the time. You're gonna sit down at the table and for once your boyfriend is gonna do the food bringing.”  
  
“Yes, ma'am,” Jared said and with a wink he followed an exasperated Sam into the kitchen.  
  
  
They all gathered around the table and Jensen got a seat between Jeff and Jared. Sam was presiding at the head of the table and across from Jensen, Sam's sister Kim was sitting with her three kids. Jim was entertaining them at the other end of the table and Jensen was a bit surprised to see Jared's gruff no-nonsense uncle play with little Playmobil figures.  
  
Jensen knew that Kim's husband had been out of the picture for a few years now, and he didn't miss the looks Kim shot Jim and the ones he returned. He grinned to himself and wondered if Jared had picked up on it yet.  
  
Dinner was great, Sam had cooked a delicious meal and Jensen was a worthy challenger to Jared's title of who ate the most.  
  
The only sour moment was when Kim smiled at Jensen and said, “Glad to see you settled in. Sorry your mom couldn't make it though.”  
  
Jensen smiled back at her, because really it wasn't her fault his mom was at home, battling her leftover hangover and said something generic and perfectly polite about how his mom was sorry she missed it too.  
  
Jared picked up on his mood immediately and softly brushed his hand over Jensen's. It was just s short, sweet and completely innocent touch and so unlike everything Jared usually did, and Jensen just couldn't keep himself from grinning like an idiot. Kim kind of awwed at them and Jim made a big show of rolling his eyes.  
  
Jensen just soaked it all up. For the first time in his life, he felt like he was having a real Christmas.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Jensen got home from Christmas dinner, a package of leftover food in one hand, his presents in the other, and Jared following him with more food in his arms quietly into the apartment. He found his mom sitting on the couch, some old Christmas movie on TV and a new bottle of alcohol on the table.  
  
“Jensen?” Her voice was already slurring and her eyes were red-rimmed.  
  
Jensen wanted to be angry, he really did, but he saw the deponent slump of her shoulders, the used tissues; and the anger just left him, only sadness remaining.  
  
“Hey Mom. I brought some food. Sam and Kim send their love.”  
  
He went over to the kitchenette to put the stuff in the fridge.  
  
“Jared, is it?” he heard his mom ask behind him, and there was something harsh in her voice, something mean.  
  
Usually his mom was either a sad wallowing drunk, or an overbearing happy one. But sometimes she got in these moods...  
  
“Yes ma'am,” Jared answered, and this time Jensen's mom didn't tell him to call her Nancy.  
  
“It's late. Thanks for bringing Jensen home, but you need to go now.”  
  
“Mom!” Jensen turned around and glared at her. Just because she was drunk, didn't mean she had the right to talk to Jared like that.  
  
“I mean it,” she said and sat up, wavering slightly. “You're too young to have someone over this late. Actually, you're too young to have company, period.”  
  
“Mom!” Jensen couldn't believe what she was saying, not after she'd been so supportive when she met Jared the first time.  
  
“It's okay, Jen, I'm just gonna go,” Jared said, and put the bag with food on their kitchen table.  
  
“No, it's not okay,” Jensen said. “Whatever happened with being happy for me, Mom?”  
  
She took another swig from the bottle – and Jensen couldn't remember the last time she'd done that, she had to be pretty far gone to be drinking in front of him – and slammed it down on the table.  
  
“Lemme tell you something, birdie. Men are all assholes and we're better off without them. And your tall, dark and handsome over there, he's just like the rest of them! Oh, he's gonna tell you how special you are, how important you are to him, but he's still gonna dump your sorry ass!”  
  
So, whoever his mom had dated so secretly, had broken up with her. Great. Jensen could start packing his bags.  
  
“Look, Jen, maybe I should-” Jared started, but didn't get to finish his sentence.  
  
“Yeah, you should,” his mom snarled. “You really, really should leave now, and if I ever see you chasing after my Jensen again...” She stood up, shaking her fist at Jared, but she was swaying so hard, she plopped back down on the couch.  
  
Jensen balled his hands to fists to stay calm. “Okay, Mom, you know what? How about you go to bed, get some rest, and we'll talk about this tomorrow?”  
  
“There's nothing – nothing to talk about!” she slurred, reaching for the bottle again, but just toppled it over. It rolled over the table, fell off and landed on the floor with a muffled thump.  
  
“Yeah, okay, whatever. Look-”  
  
“No, you look!” she interrupted Jensen, glaring at him. “You're gonna throw this bastard out right now and you're never gonna see him again!”  
  
Jensen had tried to stay calm, tried to talk his mom down, but enough was enough.  
  
“Jared is not him. Whatever guy just dumped you, Jared is not him, so you're gonna leave him out of it!”  
  
She shook her head almost sadly. “They're all the same, birdie, I know. I know what's best. And it's best for you to stay away from the lying, backstabbing fuckers!”  
  
“Oh, now you wanna play mom?” Jensen crossed his arms over his chest. He could hear Jared shifting behind him, could almost feel the mix of uncomfortableness and the need to protect Jensen radiating off of him, but right now, he couldn't deal with him too.  
  
“I am your mother!” Jensen's mom screeched, and this time she managed to get up, if just barely.  
  
Jensen just stared, because he almost didn't recognize her. There was a manic gleam in her eyes, something he'd only ever caught glimpses of before. Her hair and her clothes were in worse disarray than usual and if he thought back to the good times, the times she was sober and happy, radiating love and joy, and playing with him in a park, he didn't recognize this person in front of him.  
  
“No. You're not. It's not a switch you can turn on or off. You haven't acted like a mother in years, you don't get to pull that card now. I'm sleeping at Jared’s tonight.”  
  
“Jensen, you can't do that.” His mom looked at him completely scandalized and Jensen just snapped. “Watch me!”  
  
He went into his room, grabbed his bag and randomly threw clothes and books inside. Jared gave him a concerned look when he came out, but for now Jensen ignored him.  
  
The fight had already left his mom – she was never one for conflict resolution – and she sagged down on the couch.“Birdie, don't leave me!”  
  
It broke Jensen's heart, but he couldn’t stay in their apartment one minute longer. Jared followed him quietly outside.  
  
“I'm sorry, Jen. So sorry.”  
  
“Yeah, well.”  
  
They were quiet during the drive, Jared sensing his unwillingness to talk, but when he took his hand, Jensen scooted over on the seat and leaned against Jared’s shoulder.  
  
When they got to Jim's place, Jared's uncle didn’t say anything. He just shot them one look and sadly shook his head. Jensen didn't know what he knew, or how he knew, but he didn't care. He just wanted to bury himself under the covers and into Jared's arms and never get up again.  
  
  
It didn't quite work like that, and after two days of lounging around at Jared's, Jensen had to go back home. He had to work again, and his work clothes were at home.  
  
Jared drove him home and even asked if he should go upstairs with him.  
  
Jensen shook his head. “No. If she's there... I don't really want you to see that.”  
  
“Okay. Call me later though?”  
  
“Yeah, I will.” And this was one of the things Jensen had really come to love about Jared. He might be a little overprotective from time to time, but when Jensen needed his space, he stepped back without arguing.  
  
Jensen wouldn't have needed to worry though, while the apartment looked like a bomb had gone off in it, his mom was nowhere to be seen. With a sigh and a look at the clock, he cleaned up the worst of it, before heading downstairs to work.  
  
  
When he came home from work, his mom was in their apartment. She was standing in their living room, eying their little bookshelf critically.  
  
“What do you think?” she asked Jensen in lieu of a greeting. “I should be able to get two dollars for a paperback, right?”  
  
“What?”  
  
She turned around to look at him, and thank god, at least she seemed sober.  
  
“The books, Jensen, it's not like we need them.”  
  
Jensen kept the books he really liked in his room, because with his mom's inability to handle money, nothing in their apartment was ever really safe.  
  
“Yeah, sure, sell them. Listen, about Jared...”  
  
His mom turned back to the shelf and started pulling out random books.  
  
“Yes, well, seems like we both had a bad day.” She laughed, high and artificial, and didn't look at him. “I guess you’re old enough to fall in love now, and you'll learn the lesson like we all do; the hard way. But I really don't have time for a heart to heart now, I need to get down to the store before they close. See you later!”  
  
She left with a bag of random books slung over her shoulder. So they were pretending she didn't have a crazy-drunk episode on Christmas. Awesome.  
  
Jensen looked at the few books remaining pathetically alone on the shelf, and wondered what his mom wanted the money for. If she wanted to move, she'd be crying the whole time, but she seemed to keep it together in that forced-on-the-brink-of-losing-it kind of way. Jensen really had a bad feeling about it.  
  
He had his cell out of his pocket and pressed to his ear, before he’d made the decision what to do, and Jared's warm voice answered him.  
  
“Hey. How bad is it?”  
  
“I don't know yet, but something is definitely going on.”  
  
“Well,” Jared drawled, “I have just the thing. Chad's parents are out of town and we're having a little get together. It’s gonna be fun, trust me.”  
  
Jensen was a bit wary of what Jared and his friends considered fun, but it beat hanging around his apartment and angsting over his mom anytime. He didn't need to worry though, it was a relatively mellow evening, with a bit of booze, a bit of joking around and a lot of playing either pool or PlayStation. Jared, of course, excelled at both, but Jensen found he wasn't so bad either. He got along pretty well with Jared's friends, considering most of them were stupid high school jocks. They both crashed at Chad's place, hurriedly jerking each other off in the locked bathroom, although Jared didn’t really mind someone disturbing them. Jensen had slightly more reservations though and Jared grudgingly gave in.  
  
The rest of the winter holidays flew past. Jensen worked and avoided his mother. It wasn't hard, she was barely home, but he had no idea where she was all the time. He spend most days with Jared, just hanging out, playing on his Xbox or going into the woods. Jensen still couldn't shift, but there was something about being outside, away from civilization, especially with Jared lounging in his cat form next to him.  
  
New Year's was a blur, a crazy party at Chris's house packed with too many people and too much booze. For the first time in his life Jensen got really drunk. There was a game with red cups he played, somehow he ended up in a handstand above a keg and come midnight, Jared kissed him under the cloudless sky, lit up by the fireworks.  
  
When they walked up to one of the guestrooms, they passed two people making out behind the stairs, and somehow Jensen wasn't surprised when he saw Rachel pushing Misha against the wall and kissing the hell out of him. It made him giddy and happy, and when they stumbled into the room, Jensen tugged on Jared’s clothes before the door was fully closed. They made out like the horny teenagers they were, and passed out in the middle of it, clothes still on. The next morning was rather bad, but not as bad as Jensen had imagined. Jared was completely unaffected by it, citing his ability to shift and the benefits that came with it as the reason he wasn’t hungover, and he brought Jensen a cup of coffee.  
  
  
The rest of the break was quiet and relaxed. It was the quiet before the storm in more ways than one. Jensen was waiting for his shift to occur, he waited for his mom to finally snap and he waited for Jared. Just like he himself, it seemed like their relationship was hanging in limbo. They got along great, most days at least, they could sit next to each other just reading or enjoying a movie together. But Jared was a social guy, he wanted to go out most evenings to meet up with his friends, and Jensen wanted to get a heads up on most of his classes. He was taking all AP classes next year, and Jensen was aiming for a 4.0. Jared rolled his eyes most times, but otherwise didn't comment. It still made something in Jensen hiss and there wasn't a day when they didn't at least have a small fight. Most times they resolved their arguments with a heated make out session, but it still felt off sometimes. Especially since Jared had promised to give him time, but still tried to get his hands on Jensen whenever he could.  
  
When Jensen called him out on it, Jared first sighed, then grinned. “Jen, I’m not a monk and you’re fucking hot. I’m doing my best here, but you can’t really blame me for trying.”  
  
Not surprisingly, this was not really comforting. Between the alpha-beta-cat thing and a bucket load of dream-memories, Jensen had a hard time believing that Jared was interested in him as a person anyway.  
  
Jensen didn't know if it was him, the shifter thing or Jared. He was hanging in the air and he had no idea if he wanted to fly or land. At least Rachel and Misha were dating now, although it was still strange to watch them. Most of the time they had weird meta discussions about things no one else could follow, Rachel's comments drenched in sarcasm, while Misha nodded so sincerely, it could be utter honesty or the most covert mocking. But it seemed to work for them and the rest of the guys were too afraid of Rachel's sharp tongue, so they tolerated Misha without trash talking him. Jared made an effort to be nice to him, because he knew it was important to Jensen, and Chad developed a weird fascination with Misha.  
  
Before Jensen knew it, winter-break was over, and they had to go back to school.  
  
  
Jared had wanted to pick him up, but Jensen insisted riding his bike to school. He actually liked it, it woke him up in the morning, and there was something inside of him still baulking at the thought of being dependant on Jared - or anyone really - in any way.  
  
When he arrived in the parking lot, a few people were shooting him weird looks and whispering about him, but Jensen paid them no attention. It wasn’t like they’d dare to say anything out loud, and he just didn’t want to deal with it. And then Jared was there, kissing him good morning and walking him to class, and Jensen forgot about them.  
  
He had a lot of time to catch up on Spanish over the break, so the first lessons flew by. When he walked from Spanish to Math he heard more whispers, and when he caught the words ‘his mother’, dread spread through him. His mom hadn’t come home last night and after her erratic behaviour over the break, that was clearly due to a break up, he feared for the worst.  
  
All through Math he was antsy and Misha kept shooting him weird looks.  
  
“You okay?” he asked during one of their assignments.  
  
“I don’t know,” Jensen answered honestly. “Something’s going on here, and I have no idea what.”  
  
Misha eyed the class warily and then nodded. “I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s like a beehive in here someone has poked with a stick. Everyone is buzzing around angrily.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen said and went back to his calculations. His only comfort was that whatever happened, Jared would have his back.  
  
He wanted to meet up with Jared outside in the parking lot, where the guys usually spent their breaks, and there was no denying the hostile looks he got from a lot of people on the way. Just before he reached Jared, he ran into a group of angry girls surrounding an obviously crying Genevieve. Jensen was just about to ask what was going on, he’d spent some time with Gen over the break since she was friends with Jared’s group and he liked her, but before he could say anything, one of her friends pointed angrily at him.  
  
“You!” she spit out. “How dare you show your face here!”  
  
“What?” Jensen looked helplessly at Gen, but she was glaring at him as well.  
  
“Don’t play innocent! As if you didn’t know what your mom was up to! She destroyed my family!”  
  
Oh no. So Jensen had been right about the married man.  
  
“Gen, I’m so sorry,” he said, and he was. “Trust me, I-”  
  
“Trust you?” she asked and angrily, wiping a tear from her cheek. “How can I? Your mother is nothing more than a cheap slut, who wormed her way into my father's bed, just showed up here and made him completely lose his head, because my father would never do something like that, he is a good man!”  
  
“Look, I’m sure he is, but-” Jensen tried, but once again she cut him off.  
  
“Don’t pretend you’re all sorry, you’re exactly like her!”  
  
“What? No, I’m not!”  
  
Gen shook her head. “Oh yes, you are. You’re just like your mom, showing up here one day and immediately wrapping Jared around your little finger. How long until you cheat on him, huh? I mean, it’s not like you're not stringing him along as it is, taking advantage of him and only doing what you want! You don’t even care that you’re hurting him, you selfish bastard!”  
  
“I’m selfish?” Jensen shouted back, because upset or not, that was just too much. “Oh, that’s rich! Jared is the one who came into my life, not the other way around! He’s the one who messed everything up, I just wanted to live my life in peace, but oh no he had to-”  
  
“Jensen!” Jared’s voice was loud in the sudden quiet of the parking lot, all eyes on them.  
  
“Oh what, now you’re taking her side?” Jensen asked and he didn't think he’d ever been so angry in his life. “The one person I thought who’d have my back…”  
  
“I _am_ on your side,” Jared hissed, “but think for one second what you’re saying here!”  
  
Jensen froze. Jared was right. In all his anger he’d almost revealed their secret. “Shit.”  
  
Jared took his hand. “It’s okay. And I’ll always be on your side, okay? Always have, always will,” he said with a wink. “I know you’re not like your mom.”  
  
Gen looked at them sadly. “Jared, I know you can’t see it, but he’s just like her.”  
  
“Gen,” Jared stated in a low voice and Jensen saw that he wanted to say more and that it wouldn’t be pretty, Jared’s eyes already flashing angrily, and Jensen needed to stop it, before it could get any worse. This couldn’t ruin Jared’s and Gen’s friendship and Jensen had already done enough.  
  
He put a hand on Jared's arm. “It’s okay. I know she only means well.”  
  
Gen stared at him for a moment, like he’d grown a third head and then she turned around and walked away. Chris followed her immediately.  
  
Jared was fuming. “How could she say something like that? You’re nothing like your mother and she knows that!”  
  
“She was just angry,” Jensen explained. Now that his own anger had subsided, he could understand. “Trust me, I’ve seen what cheating does to a family, it’s never pretty. And this isn’t the first time someone dragged me into it.” Jensen shrugged his shoulders, trying to hide how much it really stung. “She’ll get over it.”  
  
“Well, she has to,” Jared said darkly.  
  
“Jay, don’t. I don’t want this to come between you guys.”  
  
“Are you kidding me?” Jared asked incredulously. “Whoever talks like that to you is dead to me.”  
  
Jensen sighed and patted Jared’s arm. He really hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Gen might have said very hurtful things - hurting more than Jensen thought they would, leaving him with an uneasy feeling that maybe she wasn’t completely wrong - but she was upset. He could understand why she’d lashed out like that. And really, it wasn’t new for Jensen to be used as a scapegoat for all kinds of mishaps, it just hadn’t happened in a while.  
  
  
During lunch, Anna filled him in on what had happened with Jensen’s mom and Gen’s dad. Apparently Gen’s friends were telling a slightly dramatized version, but since she’d also heard it from the mailman and the old lady living across the street from her, who took long walks with her wheeled walker every Sunday… well, the evidence was quite overwhelming as she put it.  
  
According to Anna’s sources, Jensen’s mom had shown up at the Cortese’s house late in the afternoon, demanding to talk to Dan, Gen’s father. Dan had tried to shush Jensen’s mom, but she’d already been drunk. So, in a rather spectacular performance Jensen could envision all too well, his mom had revealed to the whole street what she and Mr. Cortese had been up to these last weeks and that he’d promised her to break up with his wife. Mr. Cortese had of course denied everything, but Mrs. Cortese hadn’t believed him and thrown him out of the house. That had prompted him to yell at Jensen’s mom and they had parted ways rather angrily.  
  
Jensen sighed. He wasn’t even surprised. He just hoped that Gen would realize that it wasn’t his fault her father was a cheating bastard and his mother was a homewrecker. In Jensen’s opinion they had both messed up rather badly, but since he knew that his mom probably had legitimately thought there was something between her and Gen’s dad, something real - well, Mr. Cortese was the real screw-up then.  
  
After lunch, Jared tried his best to cheer him up, and Jensen appreciated it, but a make-out session in the bathroom wasn’t a magical cure for family fuck-ups. Besides, the longer he thought about it, the more he could see why Gen had come to the conclusions she had.  
  
When they parted ways after English, Jared leaned down and kissed him soundly. “Anyone gives you any trouble, you tell me okay? And I’ll have a word with Gen later about this mess.”  
  
Jensen shook his head. “Don’t. I know you want to help, but this is something I need to do on my own.”  
  
Jared narrowed his eyes at him. “I don’t like it,” he said.  
  
With a shrug of his shoulders, Jensen turned around to walk to his PE class. “You’ll deal with it,” he called to Jared, who just snorted in answer.  
  
  
Jensen’s last class that day finished early. He debated whether he should wait for Jared or just head home, because the sooner he’d deal with the mess, the better. The decision was taken out of his hands when he saw Gen leaning against his bike. Well, at least this time they wouldn’t have an audience.  
  
“He’s an asshole,” she said without preamble, not looking at Jensen. “He’s a lying, cheating asshole, and I hope Mom never forgives him.”  
  
Jensen didn’t say anything, just eyed her warily. Her whole posture screamed sadness and her shoulders were hunched in tight, making her appear smaller than she already was. But when she looked up, there was determination in her eyes, and she continued, “And I behaved like an ass, too. I’m so sorry Jensen, I should’ve never said all those things before. I mean, obviously this is not your fault, and you’re a good guy, and I was just so angry and pissed, and, god, I’m so sorry.”  
  
Jensen nodded. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”  
  
Gen eyed him skeptically, but Jensen just shrugged. “I know what it means if parents screw up. You want everybody else to be at fault, just not them. I don’t know… after a while you come to terms with it. I had a lot of practice with it, you didn’t, I guess. So I accept your apology for yelling at me.”  
  
“This feels like there’s a giant ‘but’ coming,” Gen said.  
  
Jensen pushed his hands into his pants pockets. It had bothered him the whole day what Gen had accused him of, because it wasn't true, was it?  
  
“You said, I’m just playing with Jared, that I’m just leading him on. Why did you say that?”  
  
Gen sighed. “Maybe we should sit down?”  
  
Slowly they walked over to a bench. There was a heavy weight sitting low in the pit of Jensen's stomach. He knew their relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was complicated. The thing was, Gen was a good friend of Jared’s and what if he’d confided in her? What if Jared had become tired of waiting for Jensen? There was the still foreign, but by now familiar bristling inside of him, a tiny voice whispering that Jared could go screw himself, Jensen was the one to set the time, the alpha had to wait until the right moment came. But that was only this small, not yet fully developed part. The rest of him, Jensen-him, didn’t want Jared to be tired of him. He wanted Jared to stick around and wait.  
  
Gen sat down, but Jensen was too antsy to sit.  
  
“Look, Jensen, I like you, you’re a great guy. But you're the first person Jared has ever shown any interest in, and… do you even love him?”  
  
That took Jensen by surprise. “What?”  
  
She tilted her head. “Do you love him? Jensen, did you ever tell him?”  
  
“Well, no,” Jensen said hesitantly. “But neither did he. I mean, we haven’t been dating that long.”  
  
“It’s kind of obvious he does though,” Gen said with a reproachful look. “I mean, the way he almost courted you, or some shit. You know how often I had to go to the diner with him when you were working? Poor guy almost bankrupted himself eating there every day.”  
  
“He did? He always told me money isn’t a problem.”  
  
Now Gen snorted. “As if Jared would ever show any kind of weakness.”  
  
Jensen felt kind of bad now. But still- “Look, just because I don’t say it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.” Because it was, he realized. He did love Jared. And it had nothing to do with the memories. They might have helped in the beginning, but now that he knew Jared, this Jared, it was all about him. The memories felt more and more like dreams, every day with Jared pushing them farther away into the realm of the unreal, something that might have happened to a different version of him.  
  
Gen still didn’t look convinced. “It’s just… It always seems like you’re holding back somehow. Whenever you guys hang out or in school, and I’m not saying you should be all PDA and stuff, but sometimes it seems you pull yourself back on purpose.”  
  
“Yeah well, put yourself in my shoes,” Jensen said, the old bitterness coming up again. “What would you think if you looked like me and someone like Jared was suddenly chasing after you? Wouldn’t you think that he might just do that for less than pure reasons?”  
  
“Well, obviously he’d try to get into your pants,” Gen said dryily. “But who wouldn’t?”  
  
“What? No, that’s not what I mean,” Jensen protested. “I never - this is not about my looks, how could it? No, I meant,” Jensen broke off not knowing how to say this without telling her the truth. “I don’t know to explain, but I just have a hard time believing this is about me.”  
  
“What? You think he’s only after you because you’re gay?”  
  
Jensen nodded, because that was as close as he could get to the truth without letting her know about the whole egyptian-deity-cat thing - which might not be the smartest thing to share.  
  
Gen stood up from the bench, glared at him and started counting on her fingers. “This is _so_ about you. First off all, you’re fucking hot Ackles.”  
  
Jensen snorted and Gen’s eyebrows shot up lightning fast. “Did you look into the mirror recently? I know you were a bit short when you arrived here, but dude, look at you. There isn’t a single girl in the school, not to mention all the guys still in the closet, who isn’t drooling over you and your pretty face. Besides, your ass? Makes me wish for the first time in my life I actually had a dick, if you know what I mean.”  
  
Jensen sputtered, but Gen wasn’t done. “So you’re hot.” A second finger joined the first. “And you’re smart, everyone knows that. And you’re actually funny and snarky, but you’re not flashy, you don’t show it off, you know? Your life’s obviously not picture perfect, but you’re dealing with it as best as you can. I mean, most of us are still begging for more money when we spent all our allowance before the month is over, and you basically run your own household. And don’t try to deny it, Jared told me.”  
  
“Traitor,” Jensen muttered.  
  
“Yeah, well, he was worried. And I’m worried, because you just won’t let him in. And I thought, ‘Maybe Jensen’s just playing with him, dating the star of the school, until he can get out of here and find something better’. I mean, it’s no secret you want to go to an Ivy League school. But you’re really just scared, aren’t you?” She looked up at him with her big eyes, concern shining through and Jensen just folded.  
  
He plopped down on the bench and buried his head in his hands. “You don’t get it. You’ve always been like this, pretty and popular, but me - at my last school I was the football team’s punching bag. I’m never in a place long enough to make friends, so this is all… new.”  
  
Gen sat down next to him and hugged him. Jensen was surprised he enjoyed it.  
  
“I know this sounds like the poor little rich girl routine, but it’s not all lollipops and candycanes for me either. I mean, I’ve been in love with this one guy since sixth grade probably, but he never… he never looked at me like he looks at every other girl.”  
  
“Please don’t tell me you have the hots for Chad,” Jensen joked and it worked, Gen laughed and punched him in the shoulder. “Ewww, no! I don’t wanna get every disease known to mankind.”  
  
Jensen thought back to all the parties, to the hanging out and the way sometimes Gen’s eyes had turned all sad, when a certain musician had walked off with one of his groupies.  
  
“He’s an idiot,” Jensen said and put an arm around Gen. “Because he doesn't see you like that.”  
  
“Yeah,” Gen said and there was a hitch in her voice, like she was holding back the tears. “I just don’t know why.”  
  
“You’re Jared’s best friend. Kind of like his sister. And by manly guy logic, you don’t mess with your friend’s sister. And, no offense, but Chris seems like a guy who’d pay a lot of attention to manly bro-things like that.”  
  
Gen laughed. “God, he does. The whole bros-before-hoes thing, and guy’s night out and all the manly handshaking and stuff… It’s so silly, I don’t even know why I like him.”  
  
Jensen grinned at her. “Because of his broad shoulders and his deep, soulful eyes.”  
  
Gen hit him again, but this time there was a real smile on her lips. “So, he’s stupid, I’m stupid and you’re stupid too?”  
  
Jensen nodded. “We’re all stupid.”  
  
“Okay then,” Gen said and got up. “I don’t wanna be hungry and stupid though, so how about we get some lunch?”  
  
Jensen hesitated, he’d love to eat with Gen, but he should get home first. “I want to, really, but I need to go home to my mom. She’s gonna be really bad now, and - it’s just better if I’m there.”  
  
“Course.” Gen nodded. “If you ever need anything, you know you can call me anytime, right? I’d like to say you’re my friend now.”  
  
Jensen grinned and hugged her. “Sounds good. And likewise.”  
  
Jensen got on his bike before the last bell rang. He sent Jared a quick text not to wait for him and then rode home. It wasn’t like he wanted to talk to his mother, but he knew he should.  
  
  
He got home to a familiar scene. It still made his stomach drop though.  
  
His mom was rushing hurriedly through the apartment, every bag and box they owned lying around the living room and her bedroom, and she was randomly stuffing things into them, her hair a mess and her face tear streaked. A bottle of cheap booze was standing on the kitchen counter. She had opened it probably a while ago judging by the level of liquid in the bottle.  
  
Jensen walked over to her and gently took her arm when she tried wrestling a book into a bag that would never fit.  
  
“Mom. Hey, mom, it’s okay.”  
  
She looked up at him and for a moment he thought she didn’t see him, but then her eyes focused on him.  
  
“No, it’s not. Do you know what he said? Do you know what that fucking asshole said?”  
  
Jensen shook his head, not saying that that was what she got for dating a married man.  
  
“He said I was just some cheap and meaningless entertainment. That I shouldn’t worry, cause I had a few more years left until I’d be too old to be a mistress!”  
  
Jensen balled his fists in anger. His mom had made mistakes, but she didn’t deserve that, especially not from some cheating bastard.  
  
“I’m sorry, mom. Just forget about him, he’s not worth it,” Jensen said, even though he knew the words wouldn’t really help.  
  
“You should have seen them,” his mom mumbled and started packing dishes without wrapping them in any protective paper. “They were all staring and whispering. As if they‘re so much better, they all have their dirty little secrets!”  
  
“I know, Mom, just ignore them.”  
  
“Oh, I will,” she spat out. “Screw this fucking town, I never liked it here anyway.”  
  
“Mom-”” Jensen started, not liking where this was heading.  
  
“Tomorrow we’re out of here,” she said. “I called cousin Lily, you know her husband manages that diner in Illinois and she can get me a job there.”  
  
Illinois. She might as well have said the moon.  
  
“Mom, please. I don’t want to leave, not again.”  
  
“Yeah well,” she snapped. “I can’t stay here obviously. Don’t be so selfish, Jensen!”  
  
“Selfish?” It was the second time he’d been wrongly accused of that today and Jensen snapped. “I’m not fucking selfish! I do everything for you! I cook and I clean the damn apartment, I buy groceries when your money runs out, and I moved every fucking time without complaining. But now it’s enough! I can’t do that anymore, I need to stay here!”  
  
“Oh, is that because of your little fling?” she asked scathingly.  
  
Jensen swallowed. “What if he’s more?”  
  
His mother snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous, Jensen, you’re teenagers. I know that right now every little thing feels like the end of the world, but trust me, it isn’t.”  
  
“You sure make it seem like it,” Jensen said and crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“How dare you? This is something entirely different! I was publicly humiliated.”  
  
“Yeah, and who’s fault was that?” Jensen asked bitterly.  
  
“Jensen! I thought Dan loved me! He promised me he’d leave his wife. I wonder what your _boyfriend_ ,” she spit the word out, “has promised you.”  
  
“Eternity,” Jensen said, because that was what they had. Lifetime after lifetime. Fated to be together in every life.  
  
She eyed him critically. “Well, now that you've grown up, I can see why, but give it another ten years, and he’ll be singing a whole different song.”  
  
“No, Jared’s not like that!” Jensen had to believe that, he really did. So what if in all their past lives he had fought him just because he was one of Bastet's cats?  
  
“They’re all like that Jensen! God, you’re usually so smart, how can you be so naive now? We’re leaving and that’s the end of it! Start packing, I want to get an early start tomorrow!”  
  
“But work,” Jensen tried in a last half-hearted attempt. “You can’t just quit and they need me in the diner-”  
  
“Jensen,” she cut him off with a hard voice, “tomorrow.”  
  
Jensen huffed and went into his room, slamming the door. There was nothing he could do. Once again he had to leave. He wondered what Jared would say, how much he’d care. Gen had said Jared loved him, but she didn’t know the whole story, didn’t know the true reasons Jared wanted him and that they were practically predestined to be together, no matter what.  
  
Jensen looked out the window and caught his reflection looking back at him. He touched his lips and wondered if that was why Jared was so interested in him. That, and four thousand years of porny dream-memories.  
  
 _But you’re not them,_ a small voice in his head whispered. _You’re not your former selves. You’re just an awkward nerd, finally growing up, who happens to be Bastet’s fiercest kitty._  
  
Jensen groaned and curled up on his bed. He wanted to believe so badly that what he and Jared had was worth fighting for, somehow, but he didn’t know if it was, or even how he could. He was just a kid. And yes, he loved Jared, but that was not enough. He only had to take a look at his mom to know that loving someone was never enough when the feelings weren’t mutual. And he had no idea if that would change after his heat. The thought of it though, Jared only wanting him because of some ancient twisted biology, it kept fucking hurting.  
  
Jensen wanted a real relationship, and yeah, maybe he was naive to believe in true love, but he didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship based on fate and ancient gods, no matter if he loved Jared or not. Jensen wanted real, wanted mutual, and he had no idea if he could have that with Jared, at least in this particular life.  
  
He heard something in the living room shatter, and his mom cursed. Then something thumped against a wall, there was more cursing and then the front door was ripped open and slammed close. Jensen was alone.  
  
  
The ringing of his phone ripped him out of his depressing thoughts. He looked at the display and of course it was Jared. Shit. He considered not answering, but after letting it ring several times, he did anyway. There was no point in delaying the inevitable.  
  
“Jen, you okay?” Jared asked as soon as he picked up.  
  
Jensen swallowed. “Yeah, sure.”  
  
There was a beat of silence, before Jared asked, “Did you talk to your mom? How bad is it?”  
  
“Jared…” Jensen trailed off, not really knowing what to say.  
  
“Okay, I’m coming over.”  
  
Jensen wanted to protest, but then he just nodded, realizing too late Jared couldn't see him. “Yeah, okay,” he said.  
  
“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Jared said and there was rustling at his end of the line. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”  
  
  
When he let Jared into the apartment only three minutes later, his boyfriend surveyed the mess with wide-eyes. “Wow. She sure was mad. And… is she packing?”  
  
“She always does this after a breakup,” Jensen reminded him.  
  
“But you can’t leave!” Jared said. “You won’t, right?”  
  
“Jared, it’s not like I can stay on my own. We’ll leave tomorrow. I’m sorry, I really am. But we’ll only go to Illinois, that’s not too bad in the grand scheme of things and we can talk and text...” Jensen knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t stop, not when Jared's expression got darker by the second.  
  
“Not really an option, not when you go into heat,” Jared said darkly.  
  
“Well, there’s nothing I can do about it,” Jensen snapped defensively, the reminder of his impending heat bringing him up short. So that was Jared’s main concern. Maybe, if they had time to work it out, it wasn’t like Jensen wanted to leave… not really anyway.  
  
“I don't understand why you don't want to stay?” Jared had crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at him like a petulant child. Jensen was glaring right back.  
  
“I don't _want_ to leave,” Jensen said slowly, like he was explaining this to a child. “But I'm sixteen. I can't stay on my own. Where would I live, how would I pay for stuff? I can't take more shifts at the diner, not if I want to keep my grades, and all the extracurricular stuff.”  
  
“Yeah, well I never understood why you have to be in three clubs anyway.” Was Jared actually pouting now?  
  
“Because I want to go to fucking college, and I won't get a sports scholarship, so I need to do this. Damn, I thought you understood.”  
  
Jared's shoulders slumped then and he dragged a hand through his hair. “I do, I just – fuck, Jen, I don't want you to leave, I can't let you leave. We just – we'll figure something out, okay? You can move in with me, Jim will be okay with it, and you won't have to pay rent, and – why are you shaking your head?”  
  
“I can't be your charity case,” Jensen said resolutely. He’d always managed on his own, he wouldn’t stop with it now. “And I won't mooch off Jim, it's not like you guys are swimming in money.”  
  
“Fucking Duat, Jen, can you just cut the crap and try to work with me here? Because I really get the feeling you don't even want to stay!”  
  
“I do, Jared, but-”  
  
“Bullshit,” Jared cut him off. He was really angry now, angrier than Jensen had ever seen him and it did things to him. Jared going all alpha on him? He'd thought he'd hate it, but his dick disagreed, twitching slightly in his pants.  
  
“You've been hesitant from the start, always doubting us, doubting _me_ , even though I gave you no reason for it. Yeah, I like to chase you, but enough is enough. So how about you figure out what you want from me here, 'cause I'm tired of this bullshit, of you always keeping me away.”  
  
Jensen opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Jared wasn't done.  
  
“I like the chase if I know it's going somewhere, but I swear I liked it better, when I didn’t know you and chased a strange cat through the woods and we had it out in a fight. At least then I knew where I stood.”  
  
And then he turned around and walked away.  
  
“Jared, wait!” Jensen called out, before he knew what he was doing.  
  
Jared swirled around. “For what? For you to drive away? For you to find another flimsy excuse why I can't touch you? For you to tell me to wait some more, because you have to do homework?”  
  
Jared spit out the words, and they landed between them like bubbling venom, corroding the surface of Jensen's control and the thin hold he had over his emotions. Cold fear spread through his stomach, validating every fear and concern he'd ever had, plus a few more he had since Gen told him that he apparently looked hot now.  
  
“So that’s what this is all about,” he said, and he was surprised to hear no emotion in his voice. It was completely flat and empty. “I'm not putting out. Classy, Jared. Not that I ever thought you had a lot of it, but apparently I was stupid enough to believe the bullshit you sprouted off.”  
  
“What? Fuck, Jen, that's not-”  
  
“Oh, can it,” Jensen snapped angrily, using the bristling cat inside of him for the first time to hold his ground. “This is about you not getting enough attention, me not rolling over for my alpha and I’m not having any of it. I don't care what happened the last couple of centuries, I'm not a freaking animal and I'm not gonna roll over for you, just because you roar so loud. So you know what, Jared? Fuck you. Go find another kitty to chase after. I'm not gonna submit to you!”  
  
Jared's face had turned to stone and his fists were clenching at his side. “I can't believe you're so incredibly stupid. I fucking love you, you idiot, and this is not about sex, or spending time together, or even who we are! This is about you not being able to commit, because of your weird trust issues, and I can't do it anymore. So go. Leave with your mom. But trust me when I say this. When you finally go into heat, rolling around on the ground and raising your tail, calling out for every fucking alpha who can hear you, I'm gonna be there, and no matter how hard you fight, I'm gonna put you on your back, you got me?”  
  
Jared's eyes were burning, straight through him, and Jensen felt like his spine was melting, his whole body liquefying and there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, except concentrate on his heart so it wouldn't beat out of his chest.  
  
Jared loved him. He really, truly did. It was there, in his words and in his eyes, in the way his shoulders tensed and his hands were balled into fists. Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and he had no idea what to say.  
  
Jared gave a choppy nod, let his eyes travel over Jensen's body once, like he was branding every single piece of him and then he walked out. The door slammed loudly behind him, and Jensen’s legs gave out below him. He collapsed on the couch and cursed his mom, ancient Egyptian deities and his own stupidity.  
  
What the hell was he supposed to do now?


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

Jensen had no idea how his life had turned into such a big mess in such a short time. But here he was, about to leave the only town he’d ever found friends in, not to mention a boyfriend he loved and who actually, miraculously loved him back, and he was about to leave, because he’d been too chicken to fight harder.  
  
He was glad he had to go to work, it would take his mind of things. Except it didn’t. He’d never dropped so many things during a shift, and more than one guest complained about a mixed-up order. By the end of his shift, Jensen was tired and cranky, and when Jeff waved him into his tiny back-office, he feared the worst.  
  
“Look, I know I messed up today, but I swear this is was a one time thing.”  
  
“Hey, relax,” Jeff said. “I’m not gonna fire you, kid. But I do wanna talk about what you’re planning on doing.”  
  
“Doing?” Jensen asked.  
  
Jeff nodded. “I know what’s going on with your mom. I know she wants to leave. But I had the impression you’d like to stay.”  
  
Jensen sank down into the chair in front of Jeff’s desk. “I do. I really do, but I don’t know how.”  
  
The door opened and Sam came in. She sat down on the edge of the table and shot Jeff a questioning look, and her husband nodded.  
  
“Jensen, you don’t have to leave with your mother. You can stay here,” she said, smiling softly.  
  
Jeff nodded. “You just keep on working and that'll cover the rent and more, so you can actually live off what you earn.”  
  
“That’s impossible,” Jensen said, because he’d already done the math in his head. There was no way he could work enough to pay the rent, not if he wanted to stay in school.  
  
“No, it’s not,” Jeff said. “One person only pays half of what two persons did. Obviously. It’ll work out, Jensen.”  
  
“I can't,” Jensen said, pushing down the pain constricting his chest. “I can’t accept this from you guys."  
  
“Why not?” Sam looked at him with pained eyes.  
  
“I can't be your charity case,” Jensen said, repeating the words he'd said to Jared earlier.  
  
Jeff exhaled heavily and leaned back in his seat, but Sam just shook her head, looking even sadder. “Oh, honey, don't you get it? It's not charity. We love you. You're like a son to us.” She took Jeff's hand and both of them looked at him, their eyes warm and hopeful. “We want you to stay here, with us.”  
  
Jensen didn't know what to say.  
  
“You can even come live with us, if you like,” Jeff said and gave him a crooked smile, “but we figured, young teenager, you probably want your own space.”  
  
“Why?” It was the only word Jensen managed to croak out.  
  
Sam and Jeff shared another one of those looks that said a thousand words in one second.  
  
“Because you're a good kid,” Jeff said. “You're smart and dedicated, a hard worker, and you got dealt a rough hand. You don't deserve it, and we can help.”  
  
“Stuff like that doesn't happen,” Jensen said because this was not a fucking telenovela.  
  
Sam looked down into her lap, before looking up at him again. “Jeff and I, we can't have children. But you're a smart kid, you probably knew that.”  
  
Jensen did. He hesitated, wasn’t sure if he could ask, but Sam was smiling, even if a bit sad. Jeff had taken her hand and was slowly rubbing over her palm. So Jensen took a deep breath and asked, “Why didn't you adopt?”  
  
Jeff gave a harsh laugh. “I was caught with a joint in college and Sam here was arrested for indecent exposure when she was twenty-two.”  
  
Sam snorted. “We went home from a party and decided to take a bath in the city's fountain. Just our luck the sheriff was an old prude, but with a record like that, they don't let you adopt.”  
  
“And it's okay, we made peace with it,” Jeff added and Sam nodded.  
  
“And then you came,” she said and her eyes went impossibly soft, an expression Jensen never expected to see on her face. “And things changed. So, this would not be charity. Besides, you'd still work for us.”  
  
Jensen leaned back and looked at them. A couple slightly over their prime, standing securely in life. Loving each other, surrounded by a circle of friends and happy employees and they wanted him to be a part of it. They wanted to give him a home.  
  
He could feel his eyes burn and even though it had been a long time since he last cried, he remembered the sensation of tears about to fall. These kind people wanted to take him in, even though he had just broken up with his boyfriend, had no money, and a mother that was almost certifiable. Plus, there was the whole being some kind of messed up shapeshifter, something he’d have to keep a secret from them.  
  
“My mom,” he started and Sam's face hardened.  
  
“You let me talk to her, honey. I'm sure she'll see it's best for everyone.”  
  
  
In the end, Jensen had no idea how Sam and Jeff did it. But the sheriff was good friends with Jeff and so was the woman working at social services. The papers were signed, and whatever Sam had said to Jensen’s mom, it had worked. Jeffrey and Samantha Morgan were officially Jensen’s legal guardians. Jensen could stay. And he wanted to. After what Jared had said to him, how he’d told him that he loved him with burning eyes… Jensen had to stay.  
  
They were standing at the truck now, all of his mom’s stuff in the flatbed. She had left him most of the furniture, so living-wise he would be fine. Everything else though… his mom might not have been a good mother, but she was the only family he’d ever known.  
  
“You’ll be okay, right? I think we both know this will be for the best. I just can’t stay here, Jensen.” Her eyes were red rimmed although she valiantly tried not to cry.  
  
Jensen nodded mutely, didn’t know if he could speak around the lump in his throat. They hugged wordlessly, and Jensen clung to her like he hadn’t in years. She was shorter than him now, almost fragile in his arms. He had truly outgrown her, and he knew he could manage living on his own, but still.  
  
She drew back and put a hand on his cheek. “This will be good for you. You haven’t needed me for a long time now anyway.”  
  
That was the sad part about their family, that they hadn’t really been one in years, maybe ever. Nevertheless, he asked, “Will you call?”  
  
“Of course. As soon as I’m settled. Cousin Lily has promised to help me out, but it might take a while.”  
  
Jensen nodded again, and then she climbed into the truck. He stood at the curb until she had disappeared from view. Then he went up in the apartment, curled up in the corner of the couch and cried for the first time in years. He stayed there until long after his tears had dried.  
  
Sam came to check on him later, a plate of roast beef in hand. She took one look at Jensen and sat down next to him on the couch. She stroked his hair and he leaned his head on her shoulder. He was glad she didn’t say anything.  
  
When she left, she shot him a long look. “Now that you’re staying, you should really fix that fight you had with that boyfriend of yours.”  
  
Jensen nodded, but he didn’t get up. He spent the rest of the weekend working or out in the woods. If Jared was there, he didn’t feel him, but that was okay. Jensen needed to figure out some things for himself. It took him a while to get there, and he’d never been so painfully honest with himself, but when Monday morning rolled around, he was sure of what he wanted, of who he wanted to be.  
  
It was time to stop moping about his fate and make the best of it. After all, he was a shapeshifter. He’d never thought about it, too busy with being pissed at fate taking all those choices away from him and making him go into heat, but everything else about turning into a giant cat… It could be great. And Jared had told him how badass he was so many times. Whoever would want to take advantage of him when the time came, well Jensen was actually looking forward to using his claws. It was time to embrace his inner cat.  
  
  
Monday morning, he felt like a new person. He didn’t know how Jared would react, but he just had to hope he would be forgiven. After all, he had said he loved him.  
  
Jensen scrutinized himself in the big bathroom mirror. He had changed since he’d come here. In only a few months he'd shot up several inches, almost six feet tall now. He had bought new clothes again just last week. His body had put on more muscles too, even though he hadn’t really worked out more. His senses had sharpened to an almost ridiculous degree and he just had to believe Jared that he’d be able to control them better after the shift, because hearing and smelling every little detail of his classmates’ lives was just gross. Not to mention the olfactory overload he got in the diner each time he worked.  
  
His face had matured, cheekbones sharpened, and he thought even his eyes were a little greener. Objectively speaking, he knew he looked better than before. Inside he was still the same though. Jensen squared his shoulders and left. That was what he just had to hope Jared really loved.  
  
  
In school, Jared avoided him. Jensen tried to talk to him, but his boyfriend (or probably ex-boyfriend now, he thought) ignored him. It got worse when Jared went as far as choosing a seat as far away from him in English as possible. Jensen didn’t know what he would do if he was too late.  
  
During lunch, he was sitting alone at a table with Misha and the rest of the geeks, Jared’s friends keeping their distance as soon as their leader wasn’t around. Only Rachel joined them, but she didn’t comment on Jensen’s now rather pathetic state.  
  
After school, Gen caught up with him at his bike. “Jared told me you were leaving. But it looks like you’re staying.” It wasn’t really a question, but Jensen nodded anyway.  
  
“Why?” she asked, face expressionless.  
  
“A lot of reasons,” Jensen answered.  
  
She nodded. “It would have been stupid to stay for only one.”  
  
Jensen shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. If I’d only would’ve had the one… I would have stayed too.”  
  
Gen smiled and leaned in for a quick hug. “He’s waiting for Chris at his truck. Unfortunately for him, Chris is walking home with me, so you know…”  
  
“Thanks,” Jensen said and smiled at her. “I appreciate it. And you know, it’s mighty nice of Chris to walk you home.”  
  
Now it was Gen’s turn to shrug her shoulders. “I hate to pull the oh-I’m-such-a-sad-girl card, but sometimes you can’t be picky with your methods.” With a wave and a “good luck” she turned around and walked off.  
  
Jensen put the key for his bike-lock back in his pocket and walked over to Chris’s truck. Most people were already gone, only Chad was still hanging around, straddling his bike and typing away on his phone.  
  
When he looked up and saw Jensen approaching, he shot him a grin. “And that’s my cue to leave. Jay-man, I’ll see you tomorrow!”  
  
Jared looked up from his own phone, surprise on his face until he caught sight of Jensen, then he just scowled. “You’re still here. I thought you’d be gone by now.”  
  
Jensen shook his head. “I’m still here. Jared… can we talk? Please?”  
  
“I’m waiting for Chris,” Jared bit out.  
  
“He’s not coming,” Jensen said carefully.  
  
“Son of a bitch! Gen plotted this, didn’t she?”  
  
“Yeah. Jared, please. I… can I at least apologize?” Jensen didn’t know how desperate exactly his expression was, but it must have softened something in Jared.  
  
“Okay, yeah.” Jared sighed and jumped off the truck’s flatbed. He headed towards the woods, and Jensen followed. They quietly made their way to the little clearing they usually lounged around in whenever Jared wanted to turn into his catform.  
  
“So,” Jared said and crossed his arms over his chest, biceps bulging intimidatingly. “You wanted to apologize?”  
  
Jensen had thought about this moment excessively, had even written down notes and a speech, but now that he was actually here, the words wouldn’t come. He just stared at Jared, and it was like the first time all over again, when he couldn’t get enough, couldn’t take his eyes off and the longing in his belly was so strong he had no idea how something like that could be normal. So maybe he wasn’t, maybe there were already other forces at work here, but Jensen didn’t care. He wanted.  
  
“I’m still waiting,” Jared said, face dark with anger.  
  
“I want you,” Jensen blurted out. “I did from the first moment I saw you.”  
  
Jared’s eyebrows raised in either disbelief or surprise, maybe both. Jensen needed Jared to believe him.  
  
“I never thought you’d be interested in me, never in a million years. But then you were and I just couldn’t believe it and this whole alpha-beta-heat-curse thing was such a perfect explanation. Because how could someone like you ever want someone like me?”  
  
Jared’s mouth opened in protest, but Jensen cut him off. “No. I’m not fishing for compliments here. But you have to remember what I looked like when I came here. I was skinny and short, and I looked like the biggest nerd.”  
  
Jared shook his head. “God, Jen, really? I mean, yeah, you weren’t tall, but you were already beautiful. I mean your eyes, and jeez, your fucking smile! I needed to have you from the first moment I saw you.”  
  
Jensen shook his head. “No, that - I didn’t believe, okay? And when you told me about the whole shifting into a cat thing, it suddenly made sense. In a very weird, supernatural, crazy way. And I know that you tried to show me it was about more, but I was scared, okay? I was fucking scared.”  
  
The forest around them was loud in the silence following his words. Birds were chirping and leaves were rustling as Jared stood there quietly, staring at Jensen with disbelief in his eyes.  
  
“Would you please just say something?” Jensen finally snapped, when he couldn’t take it anymore. “I know I screwed up, that I should have trusted you, but this was all too much. You and this new part inside of me and then there’s that crazy heat-fighting thing hanging over me, and I just - ever since I came here, I’ve been caught in this whirlwind of craziness, and I just couldn’t think!”  
  
“You were scared?” Jared asked, voice bland.  
  
“Yes,” Jensen answered exasperatedly.  
  
“You were scared and thought I couldn’t want you because you looked like a nerd.” It was a statement, and Jared’s eyes were still fixed on him, unnerving stare pinning him in place.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared said and drew in a deep breath, “ I will forgive you, because I love you, but really, you’re the stupidest person I have ever met.”  
  
“Excuse me?” Jensen stared at Jared incredulously.  
  
Jared threw up his hands. “Well, you kind of are. I mean, I get why you’d worry, or I don’t, but I have to accept that you did, but Jen, how could you not see how much I care for you?”  
  
“Yeah well, how should I have been able to see the difference?” Jensen asked trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. He didn’t want to fight with Jared, he wanted to make up with him, but he just couldn’t make him _see_.  
  
“You were the first guy - first person actually - who was ever interested in me. I never dated before, hell I never even kissed someone before! This was the first school I actually ever really made friends. I mean, yeah, most of the times before I didn’t try ‘cause I knew we’d leave soon, but this? All of this? I never had this before! And I didn’t know what else about me was different here.”  
  
At some point Jensen had started pacing and now he stopped, looking at Jared. At first, he didn’t understand. Jared looked like he was sad. Which didn’t make any sense, why would Jared be sad? Jensen was just about to ask, when Jared took three giant steps and then he was enveloped in a bonecrushing hug.  
  
“Wha-”  
  
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Jared mumbled into his hair, holding him tight. “Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, I thought something like that - but never this bad. Shit, Jen, why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
Jensen just sagged into Jared’s arms, leaning his head against his chest.  
  
“It’s not really a fun thing to talk about. And I thought, if you knew what a nerd I really am, you’d stop-”  
  
Jared pulled back and cradled his face between his hands. “Don’t! Don’t say that, okay? Nothing you could ever tell me about you would change how I feel about you. Because I love you. I love you because you’re smart and beautiful, and you’re so strong, Jen, you’re the strongest person I ever knew. I love to hang out with you and just make you happy. Do you know you have the greatest laugh I have ever seen?”  
  
Jensen shook his head when Jard paused, because apparently this was not a rhetorical question.  
  
Jared nodded enthusiastically. “It is. Your whole body moves with it, any you’re just so relaxed and it just makes everything better.”  
  
“No. You and your dimples are the best laugh,” Jensen said before he could help himself.  
  
On cue, Jared smiled his broadest smile, aforementioned dimples cutting deeply into his cheeks, and Jensen couldn’t stop himself from reaching up to trace them with his finger. Jared made a sound that was dangerously close to a purr.  
  
“You do know that big cats don’t really purr right?” Jensen asked, still stroking over Jared’s cheek. It was still almost smooth, not enough hair growing there to give Jared an evening stubble.  
  
“Since we’re cats of an Egyptian deity we’re partly domesticated,” Jared answered and winked.  
  
Jensen snorted. “As if anyone could ever domesticate you.”  
  
Jared cocked his head. “I’m not sure what that would entail, but I’m pretty sure you could do anything to me you wanted and I’d like it.”  
  
“You have such a one-track mind,” Jensen huffed, but he didn’t move away from Jared. His chest was a good place to be, strong and broad with his steady heartbeat thumping into his ear.  
  
“Can’t blame me for that,” Jared said and pulled him in a bit tighter. “You didn’t answer my question though.”  
  
“There was a question there?” Jensen asked trying to remember, but coming up empty.  
  
“Well, no” Jared admitted, “but I need to know that you believe me. That you’ll stop doubting us.”  
  
“Oh that.”  
  
“Yeah, that,” Jared repeated, looking at him intensely.  
  
Jensen nodded slowly. “Yeah, I believe you. I mean, I don’t see how you would put up with all the drama otherwise.”  
  
Jared huffed. “Well, I’m still doubting my sanity on that, but apparently when it comes to you, I have no limits whatsoever.”  
  
Jensen smiled, he couldn’t help it. Jared loved him. He really, truly did. The whole cat thing didn’t matter, they’d work it out.  
  
Jared took a hesitant step forwards. “Now that we cleared that up, I’d really like to kiss you.”  
  
“God yes!” Jensen laughed, the tension of the past days finally falling away, when Jared’s big hands curled around his hips, drawing him against his body.  
  
Jared was still taller than him, having grown another few inches himself since Jensen had arrived here and his shoulders had broadened even more. Jensen ran his hands over them when Jared leaned down to kiss him. It was just a press of lips against lips, and for a moment they stayed like that, before Jared’s lips parted, slowly enveloping Jensen’s bottom lip, sucking gently. Jensen opened his mouth in response, catching Jared’s upper lip between his lips and then they were moving, fast and hard, lips sliding together urgently. Jared’s hands wandered down to cup his ass and Jensen pressed in closer and reached up to grip Jared’s hair, pulling his head down.  
  
Jared let out a muffled moan against his mouth and Jensen traced his lips with his tongue until Jared opened up, his own tongue meeting Jensen’s, sliding against each other. It was getting harder to breathe, and Jensen only realized now how much he’d missed Jared physically. Finally being close to him, it made his head swim and he held onto Jared for dear life.  
  
Jared didn’t seem to be doing much better, he was swaying slightly on his feet, hands gliding frantically over Jensen’s body, gripping him almost painfully tight one second and moving again the next, as if he wanted to touch all of him at once.  
  
“Jen, fuck, we need-” Jared broke off and pushed at Jensen.  
  
Jensen just went with it, and then they fell down, lading with a hard thump on the forest floor.  
  
“Ow, damn,” Jensen breathed out. Jared had knocked the wind out of him and a stone was digging painfully into his shoulder.  
  
“Sorry,” Jared panted out, already getting up on all fours above him to give him room, but his mouth stayed on his, never really stopping kissing him.  
  
Jensen grumbled and scooted around on the ground, while Jared’s mouth wandered over his cheek to his earlobe, gently flicking his tongue against it and then he pushed past Jensen's ear, nibbling that spot right behind it and pleasure shot straight down to Jensen's dick, making it harden immediately. He arched up to get some friction, but Jared was too far above him. Jensen growled and dug his hands into Jared’s back, pulling him down. His boyfriend came willingly and Jensen slung one leg over him to keep him in place.  
  
“Gods, yes.” Jared’s voice was muffled against his neck, hot breath sending shivers down Jensen's back and it got even better when Jared pressed down, pushing his hips against Jensen's, his hard dick a welcome weight against Jensen’s hip. Jensen shifted to align their dicks and now it was his turn to moan.  
  
They were rubbing frantically against each other and the pressure was building way too fast. If they would go on like this, Jensen would come in five seconds flat, so he pushed Jared off.  
  
“What- Shit, is everything okay? I don’t, fuck-”  
  
“Jared, I have no idea what you’re babbling about, but it’s not very sexy, so shut up!” Jensen told him and pushed Jared onto his back.  
  
He rolled over, too surprised to protest and Jensen took advantage of the situation and straddled him.  
  
Jared grinned. “Oh. Okay, It’s like that then. Yeah, I can go with that.”  
  
Jensen snorted and sat down on Jared’s dick, making him moan. “I thought you would.”  
  
“Yeah, this is, fuck, this is really nice,” Jared almost purred and Jensen felt slightly insulted.  
  
“Nice?” he asked. “This is _nice_?”  
  
Jared grinned unrepentantly up at him, dimples cutting deep into his cheeks. “Yeah, kitten, it’s very nice.”  
  
Oh, that was it. Jensen wouldn’t stand for that. He leaned down, hands firmly pressing Jared’s shoulders into the ground and he licked a stripe up his neck, before biting down right above his collar bone. Jared gasped.  
  
“Still nice?” Jensen asked. In the back of his mind he knew Jared was goading him, but instead of being pissed, his inner cat wanted to play, and so did Jensen. And he was going to win.  
  
Jared still managed to ground out a ‘yes’, so Jensen stepped up his game. He continued to rub his ass over Jared’s dick, undulating his hips in sync with his mouth kissing and nipping at Jared’s neck.  
  
He could hear Jared’s heart beat speed up, could feel his pulse frantically beating under his mouth. Jared’s fingers were digging deliciously into his ass.  
  
“Very nice,” Jared breathed out, but this time his smile was strained.  
  
Jensen reached down and opened the button of Jared’s jeans. Pulling the zipper down one-handed was a bit harder, but he managed and then he could slip his hand inside, gripping Jared’s dick through the thin cotton of his briefs and jerking it quickly.  
  
“Yes… very… nice.”  
  
Jensen growled and bit into Jared's neck hard, probably leaving a mark, but Jared just arched off the ground and his fingers probably left their own prints on Jensen's ass.  
  
“I’ll give you nice,” Jensen mumbled against his throat and then slowly crawled down Jared’s body. He’d never done this before, but he’d watched porn and he had dreamed about this more times than he could remember. So how hard could it be?  
  
“What? Jen, what are you- oh holy fucking shit!”  
  
Jared’s whole body tensed when Jensen reached into the slit of his briefs, pulled out his dick and licked over the head. Up close it seemed very big all of a sudden, bigger than he remembered and Jensen just knew he’d never get the whole thing into his mouth. He thought he remembered there a distinct lack of gag reflex in some of the dreams, but he wasn’t trusting that now. He’d just go with all the other stuff he could do, and wrapped his hand around the base, mouthing at Jared’s dick again, trying to get used to the unfamiliar feeling.  
  
“So,” he asked, “still nice?”  
  
“Yeah?” Jared said, but it came out more as a question.  
  
Jensen leaned down and experimentally licked up the underside. Jared’s hips stuttered a bit. He licked over the head again, flattening his tongue against the sensitive underside and Jared let out an unintelligible curse. When Jensen dug his tongue carefully into the slit, Jared hips shot up and he had to pull back before Jared’s dick made contact with his teeth. The salty taste of precome flooded his mouth, stronger than he remembered.  
  
“About this being nice…” he started, but Jared cut him off.  
  
“For fuck’s sake,” he said impatiently, “whatever game we’re playing here, you win. Just please, please baby, do something.”  
  
Jensen couldn’t help it, he had to laugh and Jared raised his head, propping himself up on his elbows and glaring angrily at him, but then Jensen leaned forwards and took Jared’s dick slowly into his mouth.  
  
“Oh, thank you. Thank you goddess.”  
  
Jensen would snort, if he could. As it was, he just slowly started bobbing his head up and down, mindful of his teeth and trying to take Jared as deep as possible without gagging. He wasn’t exactly sure of the technique here, dream blowjobs seemed so much different than real life ones, but Jared seemed to like it. He was letting out a steady mix of praise and curses, his hands grabbing Jensen’s hair and letting go when he was pulling to hard.  
  
Jensen felt his own dick throb in his pants, when he realized he liked it, Jared’s heavy weight on his tongue, all those strong muscles below him, completely at his mercy, making him fall apart. He pressed his hips into the hard ground to relieve some of the pressure, but for now, he wanted to focus on Jared.  
  
It was over surprisingly quick. Jared’s hips started twitching faster, and his breathing was harsh, hands digging into the ground.  
  
“Jen, fuck, I- shit I can’t-”  
  
Jensen didn’t even have time to think about the issue of swallowing before Jared’s dick swelled a little more and then hot salty wetness exploded in his mouth. He choked reflexively, trying not to gag, but he had to pull back and some of it landed on Jared’s belly.  
  
“Shit, I’m so sorry, so sorry kitten,” Jared said, sitting up and reaching for him. It was cute really, how worried he was. If Jensen wasn’t still so horny, he’d tease him mercilessly.  
  
“You could make it up to me, you know,” was all he said and Jared moved lightning fast, putting him on his back and when Jensen had caught his breath, Jared was already busy opening his pants.  
  
Jared was clearly just as inexperienced as he was, but somehow that made it all the hotter. He was the first one - the only one - who’d get to have Jared like this. And really, Jared’s hot mouth around his dick, sucking him and stroking his balls with one hand, Jensen thought if he’d be better he’d just pass out. As it was, his orgasm started tingling at the base of his spine as soon as Jared's lips wrapped around his dick, and he tried to hold back, but he came just as fast as Jared had before him, his release shaking his whole body.  
  
Jared swallowed and then grinned up at him, licking his lips. “We’re definitely doing that again.”  
  
Jensen looked up to the blue sky, come and spit drying on his dick in the cool winter air. There was another stone digging into his back and his lips felt swollen and tender, but when Jared scooted up and laid down beside him, Jensen pushed his dick back into his underwear and rolled over, open pants and all, flinging a leg over Jared’s hip and resting his head on his chest.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
  
Jensen was surprised how little his life changed, after his mother had left. He knew he already did almost everything on his own, and his mom usually made the messes, not cleaned them up, but still, he’d thought he’d feel her absence somehow. But it was only a faint worrying in the back of his mind, not knowing where she was and if she got home safe.  
  
He called cousin Lily a few days later, and she assured him that she was keeping an eye on his mother. She’d made her join AA as a condition of her stay there, but Jensen doubted it would have much effect, if his mom wasn’t doing it voluntarily. There was nothing he could do about it though, there never had been. He just had to hope, that being free of the obligation to at least try to look after him, she’d be able to get better.  
  
As it was, Jensen continued to work at the diner, Sam still insisted on feeding him, now backing it up with the fact that Jeff and her were his legal guardians. Jensen gave in. It obviously made her happy to care for him, and he couldn’t deny that he liked it, not being the one to do the cooking. Besides, Sam’s food was amazing, and he really started to enjoy eating at Jeff’s and Sam’s whenever they weren’t at the diner. Otherwise he sat in the kitchen, chatting with Mike and eating whatever was left over from the day. Sam still insisted on a portion of vegetables every time and Jensen tried to tell her he wasn’t five anymore, but secretly he had to admit he liked it.  
  
  
School was time-consuming, but nothing he couldn’t handle. And after Gen spread the word they were friends again and made a point to hug him every morning, people stopped giving him the stink eye. It went so far, that Jared got mock-jealous and complained about not getting enough attention which resulted in Gen sitting in his lap all during lunch, stroking his hair like a pet’s. Jared was clearly torn between being embarrassed and trying not to lean into the touch - he hadn’t shifted in a while and his cat traits were coming out full force - and while Jensen tried not to laugh too much, he saw something interesting.  
  
Chris was sitting at their table, but instead of joining the general conversation he was staring darkly at his fried chicken, as if it had just ruined his day. He only looked up to shoot frustrated looks in Jared’s and Gen’s direction, before he left early, chatting up one of the cheerleaders on the way out. Interesting. Maybe Gen had been wrong about him after all.  
  
  
Chris called for a spontaneous get together Wednesday night. Most people’s parents didn’t protest when their kids went to the sheriff's house, so around twenty people were hanging out in Chris’s basement. There were a few guys from Jared’s basketball team and some of Chris’s older out-of-town musician friends. The majority were girls belonging to the Cheer Squad and Chris was clearly on the prowl.  
  
Jared was sitting on one of the big sofas, talking to a couple of guys from the basketball team, but when Jensen showed up and plopped himself down in Jared’s lap they got the hint and disappeared. One of the older guys was watching Jensen and Jared intently, but Jensen decided to ignore the homophobic ass.  
  
“Hey kitten,” Jared greeted him and leaned in to nuzzle his neck. “What’s up?”  
  
Jensen got comfortable, ignoring the dark haired guy still staring and put his legs up on the couch, settling in against Jared’s chest.  
  
“Is Chris always like this?” he asked, nodding to where Chris was slowly picking away on his guitar, surrounded by three girls looking at him with star-struck eyes.  
  
“Hmm, well now that you mention it, it kinda got worse since the summer. I mean, he always was popular with the ladies, but last year he at least dated. Now though, he’s just playing with them.  
  
“Why do you think that is?” Jensen asked, turning his head into Jared’s neck, not being able to resist the warm, musky scent.  
  
“No idea,” Jared said quietly, “but right now, I couldn’t give a damn about Chris.” His hands gripped Jensen tighter, pulling him closer against him and Jensen could feel the beginning hardness of Jared’s dick against his back.  
  
“Not now, Jared,” Jensen said, taking the sting out of the reaction with a quick kiss. “So nothing happened over the summer?”  
  
Jared pulled back and narrowed his eyes at him. “Why the hell are you so interested in Chris all of a sudden?”  
  
Jensen couldn’t suppress his grin. “Are you jealous?”  
  
“No.” Jared almost pouted and now Jensen really had to laugh. He leaned in to kiss Jared again, deeper this time, and he ignored the various catcalls they were getting.  
  
“You are. I like it. I’m gonna show you how much later, okay?”  
  
Jared gave him a dopey grin and reached for his beer bottle. “I’m gonna hold you to that, kitten. Now why are you asking about Chris?”  
  
Jensen stole Jared’s beer from him and shrugged his shoulders. “Not sure. It just seems awfully forced with all those girls, don’t you think?”  
  
Jared looked pensively over to where Chris was now very obviously flirting with a dark-haired girl.  
  
“Yeah. I don’t know. I was gone over the summer for two months, driving around the country with Jim, doing custom work on old cars and when I came back, he was like that.”  
  
“And you never asked?”  
  
“Well of course I did. But he said it was nothing. I thought maybe there was a girl, a real one, not just a fling, but he said no. And why would he lie about that?”  
  
“Yeah, why would he.” Jensen kept watching, the beer pleasantly buzzing through his body and Jared a warm, reassuring presence behind him.  
  
He was just about to get up to get a new drink, when Gen came in with a friend. She was looking around searchingly, and when her eyes landed on Chris and the girl her face fell. She quickly turned around and walked towards the bar, talking to a guy in charge of mixing cocktails. Jensen turned around just in time to see Chris watch her intently, before he shook himself and turned back to the other girl, putting a hand on her hip and whispering into her ear.  
  
Jensen leaned in to Jared and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Be right back.”  
  
“‘Kay.” Jared’s hands slowly let him go, but he was already back to talking to Chad who had plopped down on the couch a while ago, not in the least bit disturbed by their closeness.  
  
Jensen got up and reached Chris and the girl, just when Chris was about to drag her off.  
  
“Hey man,” Jensen said and slung an arm around Chris’s shoulder. Jensen was taller than Chris was now and he grinned down at him. “I’ve been looking for you.”  
  
“You have?” Chris asked.  
  
“Mhmm. Sorry,” Jensen turned to the girl, “but I have to steal him for a moment.”  
  
She looked like she wanted to protest, Chris definitely did, but Jensen used his newfound strength to drag Chris out of the room, up the stairs and then out into the garden.  
  
“Dude, what’s going on?” Chris looked decidedly pissed. “I was just about to tap that.”  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Yeah, let’s talk about that. You must really like her then.”  
  
Chris dragged a hand through his hair. “What do you want from me, man? We can’t all have the rainbow love.”  
  
“What if you could?” Jensen asked.  
  
“I’m not turning gay for a relationship.”  
  
Jensen snorted. “Not what I meant, douchebag. It’s not like it works like that anyway.”  
  
“I know,” Chris answered exasperatedly. “So what do you want?”  
  
“Genevieve,” Jensen just said and watched the emotions flit over Chris’s face. There was a lot of them; surprise, longing, and anger, when he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Jensen.  
  
“I have no idea what you mean,” he said sullenly.  
  
“Oh really? So you’re not pining?” Jensen asked.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Yeah, you are. I can see it. More interestingly though, why don’t you do anything about it?”  
  
Chris glared at him for a moment longer, then he deflated. “Fuck. Look, Jensen, I know Jared and you are all lovey-dovey, but this really has to stay between the two of us, okay? Otherwise Jay will kick my ass.”  
  
“What are you talking about? What did you do?”  
  
“Do? Nothing!” Chris exclaimed. “It’s just, I always liked Gen, okay? We kinda grew up together. I mean, in a small town like this… and she used to live right across the street until her parents moved a few years ago. She always came over to play when Jay was there. She was like our little sister, man.”  
  
“She’s as old as you are,” Jensen pointed out.  
  
“I know,” Chris said ruefully. “But she was always so tiny. And there was this really mean girl picking on her, so we protected her. And then... I don’t know, we hung out this summer at the lake a lot and suddenly she just…”  
  
“Wasn’t so little anymore,” Jensen finished Chris’s sentence. He nodded and dragged his hand through his hair again.  
  
“Yeah, not really.”  
  
Jensen looked out the back of the garden. Chris’s house was at the edge of town, light vegetation starting at his backyard until the trees grew denser together. It took him awhile to tear his eyes off of it, the sight of the forest so hypnotic for a moment.  
  
“You okay, man?” Chris asked, concern in his voice.  
  
“Yeah, sorry, too much beer. About you and Gen though…”  
  
“Weren’t you listening?” Chris asked. “She’s like my little sister. Like Jared’s little sister.”  
  
“Well, I really hope you don’t see her as a little sister anymore, that would be awkward, and as for Jared, you don’t really think he’d mind do you?”  
  
“Eww, dude! And of course he would. You should have seen him last year when one of the seniors was hitting on Gen. He beat the guy to a pulp after practice and told him to keep his hands off her. With my track record, he won’t go easy on me either.”  
  
“Go easy on you why?” Jared’s voice floated out of the darkness, and then Jared came out of the back door leading down to the basement. He put an arm around Jensen’s waist and kissed him on top of his head. “I missed you. You said you’d be right back.”  
  
“Aw jeez,” Chris sighed.  
  
“I was having a conversation with Chris,” Jensen said. “And he’s being stupid.”  
  
“Jensen,” Chris said warningly.  
  
Jared picked up on the threat immediately and his head shot up to glare at Chris. “What’s going on?”  
  
Jensen sighed. “Jared, would you please explain to Chris why you beat up that guy last year who wanted to date Gen.”  
  
“What?” Jared asked, looking completely thrown.  
  
“Humor me,” Jensen said, leaning back against Jared.  
  
“Well, cause he was an ass who only wanted to get into her pants,” Jared explained, still confused.  
  
Jensen nodded. “And if a guy was interested in Gen, but had pure motives like wanting a real relationship, would you beat him up?”  
  
“No, of course not. Gen can date whoever he wants, as long as he’s not an asshole.”  
  
“Is Chris an asshole?”  
  
“What? No!”  
  
Chris was rather pale now, eyes fixed on them in slight terror.  
  
“So Chris could date Gen, right?” Jensen prompted.  
  
“What?” Jared asked again.  
  
“Chris is not an ass and if he had pure intentions, you wouldn’t mind him dating Genevieve,” Jared repeat slowly.  
  
“You want to date Gen?” Jared asked, voice flat.  
  
Chris hesitated, but then gave a jerky nod. “Look, I know it’s weird, I think it’ weird, she was like a little sister man, but this summer things just changed, and I-” Chris broke off and helplessly shrugged his shoulders.  
  
Jared let go of Jensen then, walking over to Chris and Chris took a step back, before Jared could envelop him in a bonecrushing hug. “Man, that’s great! Why didn’t you say something?”  
  
“Because he thought you'd beat him to a bloody little pulp,” Jensen supplied helpfully and Chris glared at him.  
  
Jared just shook his head. “Dude. You’re crazy. Now we just have to get Gen to like you.”  
  
“Jesus fuck, you guys are so dense!” Jensen exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. He was met with two identical nonplussed expressions and he was just about to explain to them how dense exactly they were being, when the basement door opened once again.  
  
“Jensen, are you out here?” Gen called out and Jensen thought if fate had ever worked in his favor, this was one of them.  
  
“Over here,” he said and smiled at her. “But oh look, Jared and I have to go, very important make-out session is awaiting us, but Chris is here and can keep you company. Isn’t that great? Jared, let’s go!” He took Jared’s hand, shot Chris a wink and then headed for the house.  
  
“He’s stupid too,” was the only thing he said when he passed Gen, but from the way her face lit up, Jensen knew she understood. He looked back over his shoulder to see Chris standing there, shifting from one foot on the other and hands buried deep in his pant pockets. Well, Gen would set him straight.  
  
Back inside, Jared pressed him against the wall. “Did you just play matchmaker?”  
  
“I think so, yeah.”  
  
“That’s kinda hot,” Jared admitted and kissed him. “I still need to have a talk with Gen though, about why she didn’t tell me,” he said when he pulled back.  
  
“Chris is your best friend, Jay. She probably didn’t want to put you in the middle.” He leaned up to kiss Jared. “Now, you don’t want to make me a liar and not make out with me, do you?”  
  
“Oh no, we can’t have that,” Jared said sincerely, before he grinned and led Jensen down the stairs. “Laundry room is this way.”  
  
“Very classy.”  
  
Jared turned around and winked at him. “You know it.”  
  
  
  
Later that night, they walked back to Jensen’s place. His place. It made him feel grown up and lonely all at once, but Jared would be there, so it’d be okay. The night as quiet and the air was cool sobering them up pretty quickly.  
  
There was something Jensen wanted to ask, something that had been bugging him the last couple of days, because of course his life would never be easy, and maybe now was the time to ask.  
  
He cleared his throat. “Hey Jay, did it take you this long to shift? After you started to change I mean?”  
  
Jared was quiet for a while. “No, it didn’t. It all went pretty quickly. I almost shot up overnight and after a few weeks I got a slight fever and suddenly I was a giant cat.”  
  
“When did you start dreaming? About me, I mean?” Jensen asked, avoiding asking what he really wanted to know.  
  
“It started slow, the dreams. But I didn’t really dream about you, I mean now-you. It was always a faceless man.”  
  
Jensen looked at Jared quizzically. “But I dreamed about you from the beginning.”  
  
“Because you knew what I looked like,” Jared said. “I mean, think about it .Back in ancient Egypt, we probably didn’t look like this.”  
  
Jensen had never thought about that, but now that Jared pointed it out, it made perfect sense. “So we look different every time, but I saw you in my dreams, because I’d seen you like this in real life.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “Because once you showed up here, I started seeing you in my dreams as well.”  
  
Jensen hummed and ambled in closer. Jared put an arm around his shoulder and his touch gave Jensen confidence.  
  
“What if I won’t shift?” he asked quietly.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Jensen drew in a deep breath. “Well, what if betas only shift and go into heat to find an alpha and now that I found you, I won’t?”  
  
Jared was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think so. I mean yeah, you stop going into heat once you find me, but you’re still a one of Bastet’s cats, Jensen. I don’t think that can be taken away from you. Maybe the shifting’s just taking longer cause you won’t go into heat.”  
  
“Yeah, maybe,” Jensen said, not really convinced.  
  
“Damn shame though,” Jared mumbled, “heat sex is fun.”  
  
Jared elbowed him in the ribs. “Ass.”  
  
They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence, but Jensen’s thoughts were still going a mile a minute. Jared seemed confident he’d be able to shift at some point, but Jensen wasn’t sure. What if he stayed like he was, heightened senses and greater strength, and inside of him a feline side that hissed at every little provocation?  
  
It wouldn’t be so bad probably, and if Jensen wouldn’t go into heat, he wouldn’t be all that sad about it. He wanted to be able to shift, but the heat thing sounded rather unappealing. Besides, Jared had said it might draw other alphas in and Jensen remembered his civil war dream, that was not something he wanted to relive here. No, it’d be probably easier like this, him staying human.  
  
He had a job, an apartment to live in, and friends in his life who cared about him. He was doing good in school, good enough to get a full ride to a decent school, even if it wouldn’t be enough to get him into an Ivy League university. But then, it wasn't his decision alone that would matter where he went. He looked over at Jared and smiled.  
  
His boyfriend. It was one of the most normal words, but to Jensen, right now, it meant the world. He squeezed Jared’s hand, and Jared leaned over to brush a kiss across his temple.  
  
It was perfect.  
  
  
  
Jensen should have known that it couldn’t stay like that forever though.  
  
When he woke up a few days later, his skin itching and feeling way too tight, annoyance and impatience making his hackles rise, he knew that his heat had come.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

The woods were spinning around him. Jensen tried to get a grip, to steady his stance, but the whole world was off kilter, swaying like he was standing on the planks of a tiny boat in a huge storm. His vision was swimming and sweat was dripping down his forehead, stinging in his eyes. He was burning up.  
  
Finally he gave up and collapsed onto the soft forest ground.  
  
A pressure started to build up in him then and from far away a warm voice was calling him, beckoning him to give in and come home. Jensen did.  
  
A jolt hit his body ,and a pressure built deep in his bones. He had to close his eyes against his whirling vision and when it was dark, he became aware of his body changing. He didn’t know what was happening, had never felt something like this, his whole body shifting, and then realigning itself, righting itself.  
  
It didn’t hurt, only pressure expanding and lessening when his body had turned into his true form. It was over quickly.  
  
Jensen opened his eyes again and his vision was crystal clear. His body felt different, but right somehow.  
  
Slowly, he got up. His arms and legs worked differently now and when he looked down he saw black fur and round paws. He froze and then carefully stood up on all fours and looked back over his shoulder. His body looked like that of a black panther. Except Jensen knew black panthers had dark markings in their fur, but there were none in his. Every hair was of the same midnight black. When the sun shone through the trees and onto his fur it glimmered velvety blue.  
  
  
Experimentally, he flicked his tail. It should have felt foreign, having a new appendage, but it didn’t. He knew, irrevocably and irrefutably, that this was his true form, this was what he was supposed to look like, what he’d always looked like in every lifetime. The form his mother had created him in.  
  
His mother. It didn’t make him think of the woman who gave birth to him in this life, but of his creator. He knew it was her voice that had called him when the transformation started, but he needed more, he needed to know...  
  
  
  
The world freezes. Everything stills. The only thing Jensen can hear is his own loud heartbeat echoing off the high walls.  
  
Walls? Confused, he looks around. Where there were trees before, he sees high columns, sandy brick walls adorned with paintings. There are signs - hieroglyphs - and pictures of people and cats.  
  
 _Jensen._ His mother’s - his true mother’s - voice is calling him.  
  
Slowly, he walks through the corridor, bathed in the flickering light of the torches affixed to the walls. He enters a great hall and at the end, on a sturdy throne, there she is. The body of a woman, but with the head of a cat.  
  
 _There you are again,_ she says warmly, but her mouth is not moving. _I missed you._  
  
Jensen trots over to her and pushes his head into her outstretched hand. She gently scritches him behind his ears and the warm feeling of contentment spreads through his body. He’s home.  
  
 _It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen you,_ she says, and there’s a longing in her voice. _Ever since you went out into the world to protect me. And protect me you do. Anubis has never gotten to me, and he never will. You’ll always fight for me, won't you?_  
  
Jensen purrs. He’s not sure what she means, but her warm praise is all that matters right now. It fills his heart with joy that his mother is so proud of him, loves him so much.  
  
Jensen hears footsteps on the polished stone floor and when he looks up, there’s another goddess approaching. She too, has the face of a cat, but where his mother’s is white and soft, the newcomer’s face is dark and sharp.  
  
Jensen hisses.  
  
His mother pets his head soothingly. _I know you never liked our agreement. But it is only with Sekhmet’s help that we can stay free._  
  
Sekhmet is standing next to his mother now, a hand on her arm and Jensen growls. He growls because he remembers.  
  
  
  
They’re in the same hall, but they’re not alone. Sekhmet is no longer there, but all his brothers and sisters have come, sitting in their true forms in a half circle around their mother’s throne. She’s sick, has been sick for a long time, and her skin has a weak, seethrough quality to it. It’s like she has become less, her divine glow only a weak echo of its former self.  
  
 _The world is changing, my lovelies,_ she says. _It is the way of the world. We all live and we all die. In the end, Osiris will greet us all._  
  
 _This is all Sekhmet’s fault,_ Jensen says and he knows it to be true. She is the one usurping his mother, she is the new imposter being worshipped in temples up and down the river. If it weren’t for her, the mortals would still love his mother, still sacrifice to her, and she’d still be well.  
  
Bastet smiles at Jensen. _Oh my dear, that is not true. No one is at fault. Our lives are like the seasons of the life bringing floods of the river, and we must bow to them. Nothing happens that Ra does not wish._  
  
 _Indeed,_ a new voice says, harsh and cold, and Jensen’s fur bristles. All around him, his siblings hiss and turn, scanning the big hall for the intruder.  
  
He finally emerges from the shadows, sharp pointy ears twitching slightly and a victorious grin on his long snout. Four of his mutts are flanking him while he strides through the hall as if he already owns it.  
  
 _Bastet,_ he says, _it is so good to finally see you like this._  
  
His mother has sat up straight in her throne and suddenly she looks strong again, commanding and glorious, befitting of a goddess.  
  
 _Anubis,_ she greets him, and her voice is cold. _You are not welcome here._  
  
The god only stops when Jensen and two of his siblings step in his way, teeth bared.  
  
 _Call your kitties back,_ he says contemptuously. _Your time to refuse is over. The pantheon has changed as the Nile’s bed does every season and the mortals are forgetting about you. Your strength is waning. Bastet, you cannot rebuke me any longer!_  
  
She stands up from her throne then, her golden halo illuminating her whole body. Her white soft face changes, fur turning a soft brown and incisors lengthening. She is showing her old face, the true one of the warrior lioness she was in the beginning and she roars. It resounds loudly between the columns and the mutts tuck their tails in between their legs.  
  
 _Be gone,_ she commands and Jensen can see Anubis wavering. _There will never come a day I will submit to you._  
  
Anubis snarls, flews pulling up, showing long canines. _It will. Trust me, kitty, it will. You and your little kitties will be mine._  
  
A cloud of dark smoke explodes between his feet and when the smoke clears, Anubis and his mutts are gone.  
  
Jensen looks back to his mother. She has sunken down on her throne, even paler than before. Her face has changed back from the fierce lioness to the soft cat.  
  
His siblings have already gathered around her, giving comfort and warmth with their bodies. It’s Jensen her eyes focus on. _He is right. My strength is waning. It won’t be long until I can’t hold him off anymore. Oh, and what will happen to all of you then?_  
  
She reaches out, and pats her children. _Jensen,_ she says, _go and find Sekhmet. Tell her, she and I have things to talk about._  
  
  
The memory fades away again. Jensen is sitting in front of the throne, his head in his mother’s lap and she is still softly stroking his ears.  
  
 _You have been so brave all this time,_ she says. _I see, you know. Even though I mostly am asleep, I still see all my children. And you, you have found happiness, haven’t you?_  
  
He looks up at her questioningly.  
  
 _It was more than I could ever hope for. The means to protect you turned into true love. And to think how hard you fought it in the beginning._ She chuckles. _But he is good for you, this Jared, isn’t he?_  
  
  
The scene shifts again. They’re in the desert. It is night, but still hot, a warm wind whirling sand over the high plains. His mother is standing, head held high, Jensen and his siblings forming a protective circle around her. They don’t have to wait long.  
  
When Jensen sought out Sekhmet, she tried hard to hide her eagerness at the opportunity of a meeting with his mother, but Jensen saw it. Saw how her eyes wandered appreciatively over his form, how pensively she worded her answer. Sekhmet wants. Jensen isn’t sure what, but the new goddess has her own agenda. He doesn’t like it, and he isn’t sure what his mother has planned, he just knows he has to be on his guard.  
  
Sekhmet has come accompanied by her own children guarding her. Jensen wrinkles his nose delicately. His sibling and he are refined creatures, feline perfection created by his mother.  
  
Sekhmet’s guards are mirroring images of their wild and untamed cousins roaming the wildernesses of the mortal world. He sees one cat with the big mane of a grassland dweller, another one with the broad stripes of the big jungle cat, and several ones covered in spots.  
  
There’s one of them that commands his attention. When Jensen looks at him for only a moment, he can’t look away. He’s big and strong, moving with the most stealth among his siblings. Strong muscles move under his skin and his eyes glint yellow in his beautiful face.  
  
Jensen shakes his head and hisses at him. The other cat just tilts his head, assessing Jensen without comment with the unnerving stare of a true hunter. It sits wrong with him for some reason, but he looks away, back to where Sekhmet and his mother are now facing eachother over the high brazier, giving light to the area with its flickering fire.  
  
 _Bastet,_ the newcomer says and her voice is deep. _I am glad you called this meeting._  
  
His mother tilts her head in greeting. _It was about time we met._  
  
 _Indeed._ Sekhmet’s eyes travel carefully over Bastet’s form. _So it is true. You are waning._  
  
Jensen hisses but his mother raises a hand. _This is how it is, the way the world forgets,_ she says and there’s no bite in her words. _You came here. I am becoming obsolete._  
  
Sekhmet looks to the ground. _It was not my intention. I feel regret._  
  
 _And yet you are happy,_ Bastet says and Sekhmet’s head shoots up in surprise.  
  
His mother smile condescendingly. _I am old, Sekhmet, not blind. I have lived a long time, changed forms more times than I can remember. I have no trouble seeing you and what you want._  
  
Sekhmet’s eyes glide over Jensen’s siblings then, until they come to rest on him at the end. _Can you blame me?_ she asks.  
  
Bastet laughs. _No, my dear, I cannot. And you are not the first one to covet my treasures. But they are my children, and I will always fight for them. They are not possessions to be given away, they are my life and blood._  
  
Sekhmet nods. _And yet you invited me here. I know that Anubis paid you a visit. I know he wants your children. And he wants_ you.  
  
Bastet nods. _My children are my only concern. But if I fall to him, so will they to his mutts._  
  
Sekhmet smiles. _And you’d rather give them to me._  
  
Jensen feels his back rise. He’ll die before he gives himself to some rangy mortal cats. His mother’s face mirrors his contempt.  
  
 _Don’t be silly,_ she says. _I just told you, they are not possessions to be given away. But there will come a day when I will be so weak, I will fall into sleep._  
  
Several of his siblings cry out in desperation then and Bastet looks at them lovingly. It is the way, my dears. But fear not, in spirit I will always be with you.  
  
 _What do you propose then?_ Sekhmet asks and Jensen sees her guards lean forward in anticipation.  
  
Bastet takes a deep breath. _When I wane, my children will be tossed out into the mortal world. They will be born again and again into that harsh world out there and Anubis will have his mutts chase them down every time, because only if he can possess all their spirits will he be able to possess mine. I would gladly give myself to him, if he would just leave my children be, but that will never happen. My children are strong, but while I sleep, his mutts will be stronger._  
  
She fixes her eyes on Sekhmet and pulls herself up to her full height. For a moment she looks like the glorious powerful goddess she once was, her aura almost blinding.  
  
 _I propose a bond between my children and yours. Your children share their strength with mine, and in return they will be two sides of the same medal, compatible beyond doubt. Every time my children reach maturity they will call out for your children and take on a worthy suitor._  
  
Jensen’s siblings look at his mother in surprise and horror. Jensen cannot believe it himself, that she would do that, but then he sees her eyes flash to him, just for a second.  
  
 _And if a_ worthy _suitor has revealed himself to them, they shall be mated for life._  
  
His siblings still haven’t understood, still looking at their mother in panic, but Jensen has. Sekhmet’s cats will be in for one Duat of a surprise. He bares his teeth at them in a smile, and the large spotted one is the one who returns it. A worthy suitor for life. Life, one life, not eternity. Jensen chuckles to himself. His mother always knew how to use her words.  
  
Sekhmet nods in approval. _I accept. But I can assure you that all my children are worthy of your children’s affection._  
  
Even with a feline face, his mother has no trouble to contemptuously raise one eyebrow. _I accepted because they are a far better match than Anubis’s mutts - or any other of the gods’ creatures who have lusted after them in the past. Everyone wants to possess them because I created the most desirable beings who ever walked this earth. You should be grateful that I chose you and your… cats._  
  
Sekhmet’s eyes flash in anger for a moment, but then the large cat with the coat of a jaguar steps forward, nudging her hand with his nose. Jensen is sure some kind of communication is taking place there, and in the end, Sekhmet’s features even out again.  
  
 _Your children are indeed exquisite. Is it true that even some gods from across the sea up north tried to stake a claim?_  
  
Jensen snickers at the memory of the god waving around his lighting, thinking it would impress him somehow. It had not, especially when the god transformed himself into a cat, trying to get him that way. Jensen had just scoffed at him, because the god had not been an appealing cat at all.  
  
The jaguar lookalike that’s eyeing him curiously on the other hand now… but Jensen focuses back on the two goddesses standing over the fire.  
  
Bastet smiles patronizingly at the younger goddess. _Of course. But my Jensen has his own mind._  
  
Jensen is preening a little bit under the praise, because while all his siblings are desired by gods and mortals alike, Jensen has always been the one to be chased the hardest by the most persistent suitors. He has never given in, and from the smile on his mother’s face he can see that she does not intend for him to start now either.  
  
Sekhmet just nods, oblivious. _Shall we?_  
  
They step closer to the brazier and reach out to grip each other’s hands. The flames shrink and turn a deep green color. A harsh wind rises over the desert, howling across the sand so loudly that even with his sharp hearing, Jensen can’t understand what the goddesses are saying.  
  
A small sand tornado forms around the fire, enveloping the two goddesses. The whooshing changes to a high shrieking sound, before everything goes still and the sand falls down to the ground.  
  
Jensen jumps forwards, because his mother is pale and breathing hard, leaning onto the now empty brazier. Sekhmet is standing strong and glaring at Bastet. _Did you really think you could outsmart me, because I am younger than you are? I will take what I want, and you and your old tricks won’t stand in my way._  
  
Sekhmet raises her hand and a green glow materializes around her hand, shimmering for a moment, before it explodes outwards. Jensen feels it go through him, the power of a goddess sweeping through his body. It rushes through his every pore, settling and twisting low in his stomach, shooting sharp rays of pain up his spine, before it leaves him as suddenly as it came and he collapses on the ground.  
  
His sibling are in an equally bad state, lying motionless or moaning on the sand.  
  
Jensen raises his head weakly to see Sekhmet smile at her children. _You’ll finally have what you deserve now, my children._ She makes a sweeping gesture with her hand over Jensen and his siblings. _The most exquisite creatures to walk this earth, they’ll be your mates._  
  
Jensen watches in terror as the one with the big mane approaches him, a leer on his face. He doesn’t get far though, the large spotted one stepping in his way and growling at him. For a moment the two big cats stare at each other, then they explode into motion, biting and scratching at each other until they roll around on the floor.  
  
They’re nothing more than vulgar riffraff and Jensen is supposed to be a mate to one of them?  
  
The jaguar puts the lion on his back and advances on Jensen. The other cats watched the fight, but now they all advance on Jensen’s siblings still lying on the ground.  
  
Jensen struggles to get up, and he manage to get back on his paws in time to growl at the cat. The jaguar stops short, obviously surprised Jensen is not on board with his mating plan.  
  
He looks back at Sekhmet in confusion, but she smiles reassuringly. _Almost,_ she says, _the transformation is almost complete._  
  
Jensen has no idea what she’s talking about until a sudden jolt of heat surges through his body. He doesn’t understand what he’s feeling, except that there is something missing, he needs something, desperately needs something to feel better, to feel whole, to scratch that itch suddenly spreading through his body and pooling low in his belly. When he inhales, his nose is filled with the most alluring scent he’s ever smelled and he looks up into the surprised eyes of the other cat, scenting him as well.  
  
All around him, the air is filled with heady scents of arousal and some of his siblings are already moaning and lifting their tails, their desire obviously just as strong as his own.  
  
Jensen knows this is wrong, knows it’s not what he wants, but his legs quiver and when the other cat comes closer, his body sinks down to the ground without his consent. The heat turns into fire, burning through Jensen’s body, and it clouds his mind. There’s something he should know, something important, but he can’t remember, his mind only filled with the scent of the big cat stepping over him and nosing at his rump.  
  
 _Betas to my alphas._ Sekhmet’s voice, triumphant and self-assured comes from far away.  
  
She cheated us, Jensen thinks, but he can’t fight off the other cat - the alpha - nevertheless. His body’s craving is stronger than his befuddled mind.  
  
 _Oh, I know,_ his mother’s voice floats through the fog clouding his mind. _Your children are forever bound to mine, will forever chase them, forever see them as theirs and theirs alone and will fight off every other claim staked by anyone else. Your children will forever be the protectors of mine._ There is a pause while the fog starts to clear. _I knew of your plan, Sekhmet,_ his mother continues, her voice growing stronger. _And while my children will always call to yours for protection now, they will only accept the_ worthy _suitor. Your children will have to prove that they are worthy._  
  
Jensen’s mind is suddenly free. Heat is still coursing through his body, but then a new wave of power shoots through him and with joy he recognizes it as his mother’s. It takes the fire in his veins and isolates it, taking the pain away, until only coursing energy remains.  
  
Jensen twists around and hits the alpha in the face. He draws back surprised and hisses. Jensen bares his teeth. All around him his siblings are getting up to fight, freed from the spell Sekhmet has cast.  
  
 _If they can prove their worth, my children will be yours,_ his mother says. _If they don’t… they’ll pay the price._  
  
Jensen grins and tenses his body, ready to jump.  
  
 _Not so fast,_ a cold voice rings out over the desert. Anubis emerges from the darkness, his panting mutts on his heels. He holds up a hand and lets a pile of ash run through his fingers that still has a green glow to it.  
  
Jensen’s heart beats faster. This cannot be happening. Sekhmet’s betrayal pales in comparison to the possibility that Anubis’s mutts might be able to mate them.  
  
 _How dare you!_ Sekhmet hisses at him.  
  
Anubis grins. _I just evened the playing field. I always told Bastet I’d get her and now that her little kitties are finally helpless little betas to my alphas as well…_  
  
Bastet just smiles serenely. _Anubis, your mutts will never be worthy. My children will fight them until the very end, every time._  
  
 _So will mine,_ Sekhmet says and goes to stand besides Bastet. Her cats slowly advance onto the mutts, forming a loose circle around Jensen and his siblings, baring their teeth.  
  
 _Time will tell who will win this fight,_ Anubis says.  
  
Jensen draws himself up to his full height and glares at all the alphas. He knows exactly who will win this fight.  
  
  
  
The memory vanishes and Jensen is once alone again with his mother. She looks lovingly down at him. _You still fight him, every time. You are a proud warrior, my child, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But this one, he is special, isn’t he? You let him win now._  
  
Jensen hesitates, then he nods. _He loves me,_ he tells her. _No matter who I am, he loves me, because he loves the essence of who I am._  
  
Bastet smiles and caresses his face. _I am happy for you._  
  
 _But every time we die, we have to find each other again and start anew. I wish… I wish it could be different._ Jensen presses against his mother’s leg in comfort.  
  
She slowly pats his head. _I am sorry, my lovely. But it is time to go now. Your lover awaits you._  
  
Jensen looks up at her and smiles. _I will see you again the next time?_  
  
His mother leans down and presses a kiss to the top of his head. Jensen steps back and watches as the picture of her slowly starts to swim in front of his eyes, and the hall around him dematerializes. He sees his mother raise her hand and wave and then she looks over to the columns where Sekhmet is standing. In the short second he sees her, the goddess looks pensively, and then she nods. Then the temple hall disappears and Jensen is alone in the woods again.  
  
  
  
Carefully, he stretched in his feline body. It felt good, to have all the strength of his true form back. There was a low thrumming in his body, a need demanding attention, but Jensen did not care. Right now he would run.  
  
He took off in a flash, paws pounding quietly over the soft forest floor. He could smell everything around him, the trees and the moss, all the little animals fleeing from his path. He jumped over tree stumps and rocks, ducked under low hanging branches and ran in a zigzag pattern between the trees. He was free and he was flying, and it was glorious.  
  
When he came to a small stream, he stopped to drink the clear water. When he had taken his fill, he realized he was hungry. It was time to hunt.  
  
Carefully, he stalked the underbrush. There were a few squirrels and rabbits in his way, but Jensen’s stomach was empty and growling, and that tugging deep in his belly told him he was going into heat. He’d need all the energy he could get, because his would-be courtiers would showed up soon.  
  
He came across the tracks of a deer only a short while later. It was exactly what he needed.  
  
Taking down the deer was easy. The moment his teeth clamped down into the tender flesh above its jugular and hot blood flooded his mouth, a deep satisfaction spread through Jensen. Even though there was a need building deep inside of him, he didn’t need a protector, an alpha. He could take care of himself, always could, and nothing Sekhmet and her little spell did, would change that. Jensen wouldn’t be bonded to a mangy cat, he was a fierce warrior and he won’t bow to anyone.  
  
Jensen feasted on the deer until his hunger was satisfied and then he hid the carcass in deep underbrush, so he could return to it later.  
  
A noise approached suddenly, foreign and harsh in his ears. Jensen quickly climbed a tree, and from his perch several feet above the ground he could see something move through the woods at high speed.  
  
 _A car._  
  
Something in Jensen shifted then. It was like his human side that had been completely shielded away by his new found feline side was brought back up to the surface.  
  
For a moment, Jensen was sitting in that tree, completely lost. He had school today. Sam and Jeff would worry if he didn't show up at the diner. And Jared… Jared was supposed to be here. He was supposed to claim him, so they could finally be mates.  
  
The bristling inside of him was stronger now and Jensen hissed into the empty woods. Just because they dated, didn’t mean he’d roll over. Jared would still have to prove his worth.  
  
Jensen shook his head. Two different sides of him were fighting for dominance, but the longer he hesitated, the stronger the heat burned.  
  
He remained on his tree branch, fighting the animalistic urges inside of him until he couldn’t take it anymore. He finally jumped off the tree and cried his need out into the forest. He rolled around on the floor, swirling up dried leaves, trying to sooth the itch that was covering his whole body and spreading his scent. He needed to fuck or fight. Right now, he didn’t care which.  
  
He roamed through the forest, rubbing himself against thick trees and rolling around in large patches of moss, staying clear of every part that smelled human and he cried and yowled his need and his frustration up to the heavens.  
  
Fuck or fight.  
  
When a new scent reached his nose, biting and sharp, he knew what he wanted. Jensen stilled, ears twitching. The forest had gone quiet again, but he was patient. At some point, whoever was out there would have to move.  
  
He stood in silence for the longest time, ignoring the fire in his veins as best as he could. Then a twig snapped to his right. Jensen spun around, already half crouching, ready to jump and he snarled.  
  
A dark haired guy stepped out of the underbrush and for a moment the memories from the party spilled into his mind, human thought process bringing him up short. Why was one of Chris’s musician friends ín the middle of the forest? And why was he neither afraid nor surprised to find a giant cat there?  
  
The guy smiled condescendingly. “Hey kitty,” he said and his lips widened into a mean grin. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it. What was it, 1864? Yeah, I think so. That alpha boyfriend of yours shot me. But he’s not here now, is he? Bad timing, kitty, cause now you’re mine.”  
  
Jensen growled. He remembered a dream from the beginning, when Jared had killed a man by a river close to a battlefield. It must be what the guy was talking about.  
  
He was taking off his shirt now, and his pants. “Don’t wanna ruin my clothes,” he said. “Oh, and you can call me Matt. Just so you know what name to scream in your head when I fuck you.”  
  
Oh, hell no. Jensen didn’t care if Jared was here or not, but he wouldn’t let another alpha touch him.  
  
Then Matt shifted - into a dog. Or rather a jackal. A really big jackal with darker fur on its back and lighter legs, lean, muscular body and large ears. He was one of Anubis’s mutts.  
  
Jensen barely had time to prepare before the large body barreled into him. Matt was heavy and his sharp teeth were dangerously close to Jensen’s throat, before he managed to dance out of the way. They rolled around on the floor, the dog trying to put Jensen on his back and he was not above hurting him it seemed. A bite to his flank and a nasty scratch down his left hind leg left Jensen bleeding slightly. This was not someone who wanted to woo him and mate him, this was someone who wanted to put him in his place and possess him. This was someone who would die.  
  
Jensen managed to hit the mutt straight across the nose, and when he pulled back with a pained howl, Jensen crawled out from under him and took off into the woods. He needed a better position to fight.  
  
He heard the mutt run after him, but Jensen was fast. His heart was almost beating out of his chest and he was burning up, his whole body on fire now, craving a soothing touch, but the mutt behind him was all wrong, and he needed to be gone. When Jensen reached a clearing already overgrown with dense underbrush, he climbed a tree and when the mutt passed below him, he jumped.  
  
Jensen landed on Matt’s back, pressing the jackal down into the ground, clamping his jaws around his neck. He tasted blood and put more pressure on his jaws. The mutt howled again and rolled himself over the ground, trying to dislodge Jensen. Jensen just dug his claws in deeper, enjoying the metallic tang of the mutt’s blood filling the air. It soothed something deep inside of him, but it wasn’t enough.  
  
Matt rolled them further and Jensen was slammed against the hard bark of a tree. For a moment he was dizzy and the mutt used the time to press him down into the ground and tried to mount him. He was growling victoriously, already trying to get his dick into Jensen’s ass.  
  
The nerve of the impertinent mongrel. As if he’d ever get to claim Jensen.  
  
With a hiss, Jensen tensed his hind legs, bucking up against the dog, and twisting his shoulders at the same time. With a bit of space between their bodies, he rolled around and lashed out, ripping his extended claws through Matt’s chest. Blood sprayed in his face and when Matt shot forward to bite into his neck, Jensen rolled himself to the side and bit into the dog’s flank.  
  
The mutt yelped and hoppled off to the side. Jensen had his own wounds to lick, but it was nothing too bad. The heat blocked out the pain well enough and it gave him the energy he needed. But the mutt was strong, his wounds were already healing. Anubis had always been more powerful than Bastet and he had passed on his gifts to his own mangy offspring.  
  
But Jensen would rather die than let that dog mate him, no matter how insistently his body was demanding to be fucked by now. The low pulsing in his belly had turned into an insistent throbbing between his legs, reminding him why he was here in these woods.  
  
But then Matt turned around and advanced again and Jensen readied himself for another fight.  
  
They clashed again and again, but the dog just wouldn’t go down. Every wound Jensen inflicted on him healed quickly, faster than Jensen’s did. His body was exhausted, demanding to give into this strong opponent, so as the time dragged on, Jensen not only had to fight the mutt, but also his own biology.  
  
Where was Jared? His boyfriend had told him, he’d fight for him, claim him, but where was he know? Anger boiled hotly in Jensen’s belly, his would-be mate had failed him. He was just as useless as every other alpha out there, Jensen would have to take care of himself.  
  
With another twist and lunge, he almost severed the dog’s tail from his body. He howled, but he still didn’t look like he’d give up. Jensen didn’t know if he was always so persistent, didn’t have the memories of it, but something felt wrong.  
  
He sprinted over to a tree, and with his last strength he pulled himself up on the wide trunk until he reached a sturdy branch he could lie down on. The heat was slowly but surely wrecking his body. In the beginning it had fueled his energy, but now, after the initial burst of adrenalin, it was wearing on his strength. The ever present need was at the forefront of his mind now, and while he was still repulsed by the mutts advances, it was becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate.  
  
The dog hat trotted over to the tree and looked up at him, canine grin pulling his flews back. He couldn’t climb the tree, but he could wait. Jensen let out another angry cry. Sekhmet help Jared when he showed up, because after he’d dispose of the mutt - and he better did - Jensen would come down from his tree and rip him a new one for making him wait.  
  
  
It actually didn’t take long then for Jared to show up. Jensen could smell him approaching and even though he didn’t deserve it, he thought he’d throw him a bone. He started descending the tree, drawing the mutts attention. He crawled along one of the thick lower branches and jumped over to the next tree. The mutt followed him, watching him carefully, right until a giant flash of brown spotted fur barreled into him.  
  
Jared and the dog rolled over the forest ground and Jensen watched from his perch. He knew Jared was good, otherwise he wouldn’t have let him win all those times, but seeing him fight, it made his arousal explode.  
  
Jared was all fluid movements and strong sinuous muscles, lunging and feinting at the dog and ripping his sharp claws through Matt’s fur. Just watching him, Jensen felt the longing intensify and he couldn’t help but call out. He needed Jared _now._  
  
He considered jumping down there and helping Jared but then he remembered the alpha had made him wait. Jensen hissed, pissed and torn, emotions rushing through his body and he couldn’t think. So he paced up and down the sturdy branch, flicking his tail in annoyance. He wanted Jared's attention for himself. He wanted the mutt to be gone. He wanted to punish Jared. He wanted to fuck. He wanted to fight.  
  
Below him, the mutt suddenly whimpered. Jensen looked down in time to see Jared raise his blood smeared mouth from Matt’s throat. Anubis’s child was lying motionless on the ground for a moment, before he suddenly turned into ash and disappeared.  
  
Jared sat back on his haunches, preening, and looked up at Jensen expectantly. Jensen huffed. As if that was enough to win his favor. He descended the tree nevertheless, the alpha's scent drawing him in.  
  
When Jared approached him and tried to sniff him, Jensen lashed out and hit him across the nose. Jared growled and Jensen growled right back. The alpha wanted to touch him? He’d have to earn it.  
  
Memories pushed at his mind, human memories, of the two of them, jerking off, kissing, holding hands, being together, but things had changed. Jensen knew.  
  
He knew who he was, what had happened. Jared wanted him? He’d have to win the fight.  
  
The alpha obviously realized this as well and bared his teeth. Jensen mimicked him, before he turned around and took off through the forest. Time to make the alpha work for it.  
  
He ran through the forest, the other cat hot on his heels. The chase was making his blood sing, the feeling of Jared right behind him, chasing him, desiring him, it made Jensen want. But not yet.  
  
Jensen jumped over bushes and stones, climbed trees and jumped down again, splashed through a shallow creek, before he finally reached a clearing that would be ideal for a fight. He stopped and turned around, using the alpha’s surprise to bite into his shoulder while he was still careening to a stop.  
  
Jared immediately reacted in kind, snapping at Jensen and jumping him when he was off balance. The alpha’s bigger body covered his own, and it felt so good, all the warm fur brushing against his own, that Jensen just wanted to purr and roll around in it. But not yet.  
  
He shook the alpha off, but not before he’d rubbed against him, getting some friction against his aching ass. It seemed to throw the alpha off balance, he was panting harshly and staring glassily for a moment. The knowledge he wanted him so bad, made Jensen's chest swell with pride. But then the alpha jumped at him and Jensen had to concentrate to dodge out of the way. With every touch, every brush of fur against fur, it got harder to resist. Their combined smells filled the clearing, blood and fight and heat and lust, and Jensen wanted.  
  
Finally the alpha put him on his back in an unpredictable move and Jensen knew he was worthy when he had to bare his throat to him. Instead of biting down, the alpha licked along his neck, over his jaw and then up just below his ear. The gesture was so intimate and caring, for a second Jensen just melted, then he shimmied his body around, pressing his rump against the alpha.  
  
Behind him, Jared growled. Teeth scraped against Jensen’s neck, not drawing blood, but marking him and the alpha’s big body covered his entirely. He raised his tail and then, finally, there was a hard and hot pressure against his opening. He could feel it leak slick and he didn't have time to feel any embarrassment about it, because then Jared pushed inside. Jensen screamed.  
  
Again, something shifted. The pain and the longing turned into bone deep victorious satisfaction. He’d found his alpha, his mate. He’d made him prove himself, and now that he had, he was soothing the pains of Jensen’s heat. They were coming together just like his mother had promised and it was the most glorious feeling in the world.  
  
There was nothing to compare the burn to, the fullness and the push and pull of Jared so deep inside of him, they really seemed to be one. Two sides of a coin, pressed together front to back, moving as one, breathing as one.  
  
Jared fucked into him hard and deep, every thrust strengthening whatever bond it was that bound them together now. The pleasure was all consuming and Jensen lost himself in it, let himself fall into Jared.  
  
It wasn’t long, but to Jensen it felt like eternity, until Jared’s thrusts became impossibly faster. His own pleasure was growing with every spark, Jared’s dick inside of him throwing oil on the fire with every pass, and Jensen could feel himself balancing, just on the edge, he was so close, so impossibly close-  
  
Jared bit down into his neck, hard enough to pierce his skin and Jensen fell apart. His climax rushed through him, blanking everything else that wasn’t Jared inside of and around him. He collapsed on the ground, body pleasantly wrecked by the aftershocks, Jared following him down, a heavy, but welcome weight on his back.  
  
They stayed like that for a moment or two, then Jared licked over his ear and slowly pulled back. Jensen turned around, wanted to make his displeasure known at this, but then Jared shifted, and instead of a jaguar he was looking at a seventeen year old boy again.  
  
“Hi,” Jared said and his smile was blinding.  
  
Jensen shifted and rolled himself around. “Hey,” he said and his throat was raw from all the yowling.  
  
Jared lowered himself down next to Jensen and reached out for him. Jensen came willingly, pressing himself against Jared’s side.  
  
He was sticky and bloody, exhausted and elated all at once, but here with Jared, it was all good.  
  
“You know,” he said, eyes traveling over Jared’s naked, dirty and scratched up human body, “this is not exactly how I envisioned our first time to go.”  
  
Jared hummed noncommittal. “From what I remember, this was the most loving first mating we ever had.”  
  
Jensen snorted, then he fell quiet again. Now that the heat had abated, he could finally think again. “It was scary,” he said, playing softly with Jared’s hair. “Like I was suddenly this completely different person.”  
  
“And now?” Jared asked.  
  
“I don’t know. This other part of me still feels foreign, but I guess I’ll get used to it.”  
  
“Good,” Jared answered, and nuzzled into his neck.  
  
It wasn’t really all that warm, and the ground beneath his naked body was cold, sticks and stones poking into the side, but Jared’s body was warm against his, and his heart beat steadily in sync with his own.  
  
There was really no need to move yet. Finally, things had slotted in place. For the first time in his life, he just felt right - whole.


End file.
